Me and my partner are in the honeymoon stage (2 months, but been best friends for over twp years).
I knew about some of his insecurities before, but they’re really coming up now and I’m so happy and relieved that he wants to share things like that with me, and if not directly share, at least let me see them. I genuinely want to be there for him and help him rid himself of these insecurities. I’m aware that I can’t “fix” them or make them go away, but I wanted to ask if any of you have any advice about how to go about them. I’ve never had a man open up to me and he’s the type to get deep into our conversations. I’d just like some advice or input from people who might have combatted this type of issue before, or have an idea what they’d appreciate if they were in this situation.
He seems like he’s worried that I’ll find someone else, lose interest or “realise I’m out of his league” and leave him, which absolutely is not true in any way, shape or form. I’m so glad we’ve built this relationship from the ground up into a best-friendship before commiting to a relationship, even though we’ve fooled around a bit.
It seems like he’s also insecure that he loves me more than I love him, that I subconsciously don’t like some things even though I tell him I like them or don’t mind them (acne, larger forehead, stuff like that), that one day I’ll just wake up and decide to leave or something, find someone better, that he simply isn’t enough. He’s been broken up eith in rough ways without reason 2 times and I know that hurt him.
I’ve known him since he was with his ex. He talked to me about how he isn’t possessive or jealous, isn’t romantic, emotional, whatever, and that was what I expected going into a relationship with him. But now, he goes into parties with me like I’m a prized possession, he’s open, he’s very caring, very romantic, so unbelievably fantastic as a boyfriend and not afraid to show it (in moderate fashion of course). I just want to reciprocate it the best way I can.
Also, he knows that I kind of have some trust issues and need time and I know I’m a bit lacking in expressing what I feel, but I’m doing my best to work on it. I’ve asked him before how he’d like me to express my love and appreciation and just pure gratefulness, but he says he thinks that would make it seems like I’m doing it just because he told me to, which I understand why he might think that. He just tells me to do stuff, not hold back, tell him what I mean and such. And I try to do that, I kiss him, hug him, sit by him while he works, text him when he’s at work. My problem aren’t the feelings, I’m over the moon in love with him, happy with him, proud of him in his best and worst moments, I love him first and foremost as my Best Friend and I wouldn’t change him for anyone or anything in the world. So, as I said it’s not the feelings, it’s the way that I’m not sure how to express them. I think I’m too clingy, he thinks not enough, I think I’m annoying, he wants me to text him more while he’s at work. Stuff like that
If you’ve read up until here, thank you!!!
TL;DR – Not sure how to properly express my love and fondness for my boyfriend through both of our insecurities, after going from best friends to a relationship.
8 comments
If he has a small pp and PE. Buy a cock sleeve.
Whatever the insecurities are, he’ll figure it out with time and effort. Just be sure to support him when he needs it and help him realize that whatever his brain is telling him doesn’t reflect reality.
This probably doesn’t need to be said but make sure he does the same for you too.
Hiedi Priebe on YouTube. Helping me through my insecurities at the moment. It’s all down to attachment style
>I’ve never had a man open up to me…
You may have seen on /r/AskMen that the common train of thought is that it’s unwise to open up to our partners. Whether that comes from experience or misogyny, the fact of the matter is that men typically find it difficult to be vulnerable.
From reading your post, the first thing that came to mind is that this is a man who has mixed feelings about opening up to you. On the one hand, it’s clear he is very comfortable with you as a person, to the point that he can be vulnerable. On the other hand, he feels that his vulnerability will put you off.
You should continue to be a loving, supportive partner, however I feel that his insecurities would be best dealt with by a professional. This is for both of your sakes, as he will get the support he needs, and you won’t be placed into the position of a therapist.
I think the only thing to add to this, is to *never* use his vulnerability against him. If you do, I could see him shutting down completely, which will do damage to your relationship.
I mean, I think he knows his own feelings
If he wants you to be closer, moving further away is just going to make him feel like you don’t actually like him
*”How do I show my boyfriend how much I love and appreciate him and help him get through insecurities within our relationship?”*
Talk to him about it.
It will sort itself out but a way that would work for me personally is for you to be verbal and talk to him about it. I don’t know him or you so I don’t know if it would work that is up to you.
Random kitchen blow job when he least expects it. I’m not trying to be funny either.