We have been together for a year now. She has been insisting on doing a FFM threesome for the better part of the last 6 months, maybe even more; she’s bi, i’m straight. I have never had a threesome before, and she said she hasn’t either. I have never wanted to do it, and honestly, the sole idea of it is driving me insane.
I’m afraid she’s asking for a threesome because she feels like i’m not enough for her, and she wants to experiment with other people. I’m even more afraid i’m repressing her sexually and that one day, she will end up doing it outside of our relationship because i never allowed it.
She says she’s just curious about it, that she just wants to explore and that i’m the only person who’s made her feel safe enough to even think about that possibility. I have never been into the “swinger” life and i would never be willing to have an open relationship. She insists it would only be a one time thing so she could satiate her curiosity, and that there is no underlying reason whatsoever. Am i being paranoid?
Every time she brings it up, we fight about it. She ends up promising she will never bring it up again, but it doesn’t last for more than a couple of months before she brings it up again. I’ve grown tired of it and am honestly considering doing it just so she will stop being so insistent on it.
TLDR: My GF (23F) has been insisting me (24M) on having a MFF threesome and i’m tired of saying no and her not respecting my boundaries.
48 comments
Forever and always: **DO NOT HAVE A THREESOME UNLESS YOU ACTIVELY WANT TO HAVE A THREESOME.**
Do not engage in sexual acts that you don’t want to do just to please another person. All that will do is make you feel like shit.
And you should end things with your girlfriend she is refusing to respect your boundaries and just keeps bringing it up.
OP if you don’t want to share your SO and have a threesome, YOU DO MOT HAVE TO.
Your GF is being a creep and ignoring your boundaries. If a man was pressuring a woman to do this, Reddit would go nuclear. The same standard applies.
It’s a major red flag when a partner pushes boundaries sexually ESPECIALLY when they want to bring other people into an otherwise monogamous relationship. I also personally do not believe that this is only a “one time” thing. It’s one time THIS time and what happens when she asks for another man? Will you allow yourself to be emasculated and deny yourself a rightful boundary? Someone who truly cares for you won’t force you to do sexual things
Just end it and walk away. If you stay She is either going to cheat or wear you down to get her threesome and you’ll regret it. Just leave and save yourself the heartache.
“Every time she brings it up, we fight about it. She ends up promising she will never bring it up again, but it doesn’t last for more than a couple of months before she brings it up again. ”
You can control this. Next time she does this, end it with her. Both of you can break this cycle
Allowing her to keep bringing up without action from you is the same as allowing it
Your gf is not treating you right. You’re allowed to not want this and she needs to respect your right to say no. She doesn’t respect your lack of consent here and is trying to coerce you into an act you’ve repeatedly said no to.
Don’t do it just because she wants to
Don’t open pandora box without knowing what’s inside..don’t compromise ur morals for others even if it’s ur own partner..if u don’t like it just walk away she can do whatever she wants..
Break up and tell her it’s over
Do not, I repeat DO NOT have a threesome you do not want. Do not!
Tell her once more, just once! But assertively and seriously, that you are **not interested and that she needs to drop the subject**. Make it a whole thing: sit her down, look her straight in the eyes, say it firmly. Emphasize that you are done with the subject and that you do not want to hear about it **ever again.**
If she *ever* again mentions it, dump her. That’s all – there’s no more work to do here, no more conversations to be had. Just dump her. It’s not worth it. You have the power to break this toxic pattern, OP, you just need to use it. Break up with her.
Brother, never do what you are not comfortable with. Stand by your core values and beliefs, just that simple…
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. A tree something if really dangerous in a relationship. You will have to live whit whatever happens and you will forever remember. If she can respect your feelings well I’m sorry but this relationship is gonna end up like the Titanic Sub.
You deserve better.
No is a complete sentence.
You leave.
She keeps bringing it up knowing that you have said no every time previously.
She keeps bringing it up despite saying she will never bring it up again.
She is bringing it up because she has already cheated on you and is looking at trying to make it all okay by bringing you into the fold.
Don’t! Just dont give in
She wants to be allowed to cheat and you’re not interested in that …sounds like you’re just incompatible…
If she can’t respect your boundaries and is trying to coerce you into something you don’t want, honestly, she’s not the one for you. It might be difficult, but I’d end it and move on. Find someone you are more sexually compatible.
The relationship is over at this point either way man.
Now you get to decide whether you want to have a threesome before it ends.
Why the hell doesn’t “no” mean “no” to her? Why do you accept that no doesn’t mean no to her? Why does she think it’s okay to push after “no” made the boundary very clear? And finally, my guy, why would acquiesce when your boundaries are violated?
She is not the person for you. Wish her well and move on as you’re incompatible on so many levels.
man, anytime someone is insisting on something or demanding something, it’s going to go south. I would ask yourself how you would feel about her just having an open relationship with just girls? if a threesome isn’t what you want and it’s really just her curiosity with being with a girl maybe let her? At least then if you aren’t what she needs, you’ll know that it’s because she might be more interested in girls and then at least you’ll know. knowing is always better than not knowing. and if she really is just curious and she and does it once and realizes it’s not for her and you are what she wants then at least the threesome is taken off the table. I guess it depends on how you feel about her being with a girl. Like my bf doesn’t count that as cheating even though some people would. lol He just doesn’t feel threatened by women and would be ok with me having sex with one whereas if I had sex with a man he’d leave me in a second. (his words). i personally think its cheating either way because it’s still me giving my most intimate part of myself to another person. but some guys just don’t see it that way and think it’s hot even if they aren’t evolved. also ask her is it being with a girl that you need or is it the threesome that is your fantasy? if its just the wanting to be with a girl maybe just let her of tell her if you think that is cheating and maybe evaluate if this is the relationship for her. if its about the threesome idea turning her on and that is completely something you do no want to do ever then make it clear and if it isn’t something she can let go of then im sorry my dude. let her go.
Tell her you are not into orgies and find a new girlfriend.
>I’ve grown tired of it and am honestly considering doing it just so she will stop being so insistent on it.
Don’t do this. Once you do FFM, she’ll want MFM etc.
One option would be to tell her straight “I do not want threesomes. I never have. I never will. Is this a deal breaker for you?”. And see what she says. If she says ok, she’s fine without threesomes, then say something like “I won’t change my mind, please don’t bring this up again”.
Then if she does bring this up, consider ending the relationship at this point.
Or
The other option, if you feel you’ve already been this clear, is to end the relationship now.
Bruh. Have some self respect and leave. Never break your personal boundaries for ANYONE.
She is essentially looking for a license to cheat on you. Don’t make the 3some as being for you in anyway. You only stand to lose regardless.
Nothing you can do will save this relationship. “She feels like i’m not enough for her” is all you need to know. Your relationship is already over, no matter what she says. She will likely try to back track if you break up with her, but you’ll know she’s lying. Cut her loose.
You two may be incompatible if this is something she really wants and something you really don’t. Neither of you have to compromise on this, and that’s okay, it just means you might not be a match.
Sorry. She gets to ask ONE time. You say no, then that’s it. Ever bringing it up after that is deep disrespect and grounds for ending relationship.
I’m so sorry, but I think you hit the nail on the head. You say she’s Bi so what’s she curious about? Having a threesome ? I would be uncomfortable too and I would feel the same as you do, that somehow your not enough for her. I’m sorry but if she can’t let it go, perhaps it’s time to move on.
this is the best way to end your relationship. threesomes are for single people, not people in established relationships.
if you don’t want to have a threesome and she won’t be respectful in your boundaries then end the relationship. pushing sexual things onto someone isn’t cool and shouldn’t be tolerated regardless of her being your girlfriend or not.
tell her if she keeps pushing you are going to have to end the relationship because of her clear lack of understanding boundaries.
Break up. If it was a man asking to his gf to have a threesome with a man and she didn’t want to and she kept insisting it would be harassment also.
You handle it by telling her it’s a hard no, and she either accepts it or leaves! She should not be pressuring you into something you are not comfortable with, and you should not do something you aren’t comfortable with to appease her. You are wrong in thinking you should just have the threesome to get her to stop. It will only make things worse. She will realize that she can push your boundaries if she harasses you enough. She will ask you for another threesome because ‘it was such a great experience’ or push for other things you don’t want to do because she knows she can get away with it. And you will very likely disagree and not want to do that again. Either you will break up with her for putting you in that position and not respecting your boundaries, or she will break up with you because you are denying her something she enjoys. Either way, your relationship is likely over. So, you might as well end it without putting yourself through a threesome you don’t want.
She’s pushing your boundaries because she probably wants to have sex with a woman again without being a cheater. Make it clear you are not into threesomes and will not be participating and continuing to ask is breakup worthy. She can determine if it’s worth ending the relationship over this or not.
Break up. You made your boundary clear, she doesn’t respect it. That’s it. Tbh, I’d probably break up with a partner for asking. They’re openly telling you they want to cheat. Ew.
You two are incompatible sexually. End of story. No villains here, but you’re a bad match.
This is so fucked. If the roles were reversed and you pressured her to do it shed be pissed- tell her that. You shouldnt be with someone who cant respect your boundaries
She’s not respecting your boundaries. You gave different views about this. Nothing good can come from doing this in the long run. Time to separate and find like minded people
If you love her, don’t do it. I haven’t ever met someone that has done it, and it not cause issues, to some extent. Rather you enjoyed yourself too much, brings out insecurities, for either of you, or she ends up enjoying the other side more than you like her to. I’m sure in some instances, it’s worked for some, but none that I know
Everyone is going to downvote me into oblivion.
Hear me out.
This relationship is already cooked.
Agree to a ffm threesome. You’ve already lost her, might as well roll around with two naked women.
It’s time for a boundary, let her know that the next time she brings it up, you’re going to end the relationship. If she wants to experiment, that’s fine, but know your worth. She cannot have her cake and eat it too.
I’d just dump her then. Tell her to get lost.
Get you someone who doesn’t coerce you into unwanted sexual situations.
Lmao imagine what her friends say when she complains about this
A boundary isn’t a negotiation, and the fact that she keeps pressing is really creepy.
Let her go bro. Go read /r/threesomeregret if you want numerous examples of why its a bad idea.
If she won’t respect your “no”, then that’s a serious problem.
End it, thats how you handle it
Don’t have a threesome it will be a horrible experience for you
You got this all backwards and it honestly makes me sad.
You don’t GIVE IN when she hounds you to death to do something you are against doing with every fiber of your being. You LEAVE.
When your anger and frustration reaches critical mass she apologizes and promises never to bring it up again. You calm down, life returns to normal and shock, horror. SHE BRINGS IT UP AGAIN. You teach people how to treat you and you’re teaching her that your words mean shit. You’ll do as you are told and like it. All she’s gotta do is keep harassing you until she wears you down.
And I don’t know if anybody’s said this yet but your girl wants to fuck a girl with your permission. It ain’t about you fucking two girls but about her having lesbian sex with the girl she’s seeing (you read right) and you being okay with it.
Just bury that already dead relationship, will you? She’s moved on but doesn’t have the guts to tell you. Don’t let her pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. It won’t save the relationship and you’ll regret doing it.
What she’s doing is actually sexual coersion. If she needs to explore, that’s cool, but she’s not ready for a relationship with you.
Honestly, I don’t even know why you are still with her. She literally wants to be intimate with someone else, and it keeps trying to manipulate and guilt trip you. That enough should be reason to walk away.