Given how extroverted and friendly Americans are, is the ‘emotionless aloof guy’ less likely to make more friends in an American context?

34 comments

1. Can’t really compare to how that would be perceived in other countries, but yes, being unapproachable and aloof could make it harder to make friends.

2. Not necessarily. I’m similar, not unfriendly, just quiet and introverted and private. Plenty of fellas are like us. If people don’t pick up the same vibe they won’t bother you. They’ll just think, oh, he’s quiet, or he doesn’t want to talk.

   I don’t think it’s a big deal so long as you aren’t an asshole.

3. Americans have a culture of being extroverted and friendly, that doesn’t mean everyone is. Plenty of people aren’t and still have friends. Americans are diverse in their characteristics.

4. There are millions and millions of introverted, or even “emotionless / aloof” Americans – both men and women.

5. In what country would such a person attract friends?

6. You ever hear the phrase “You attract more flies with sugar than vinegar”? You’re describing vinegar.

   Never mind America, where would looking scary to approach and being rather aloof be appealing to others?

7. Yes and no, I guess. I’m not aloof, but I am very shy and quiet, so it can be hard to make friends based on my inability to carry on a conversation unless I really know you. *However*, I must not look very scary because people are always trying to talk to me.

8. This isn’t really country specific at all. I am similar to what you describe, and have lived a few places in the US and now live in Canada.

   It’s hard to make friends when you’re aloof because you’re aloof, if you want to make friends it helps to dial it down a bit

9. The “emotionless aloof guy” is less likely to make friends anywhere.

10. I’m a woman. I’m not going to voluntarily approach any aloof, scary-looking unknown man who looks like he might have a bad temper/attitude. I’d be surprised if women in any country would do so regularly.

11. There are plenty of Americans who are like that guy. It’s not as easy to make friends, but you can do it.

12. yes

13. Sometimes you’ll get a guy who’ll egg you on to push you out of your silent shell.

    There’s a lot of memes where extroverts try to “fix” introverts. And you could end up the victim of an ambitious extrovert trying to save you.

    But if you’re scary, people might avoid you. Big difference between strong silent type and serial killer scary lol

14. It depends on the region. In Seattle, such a person is normal.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze

    We New Yorkers like to keep to ourselves too. It’s really in the South and the Midwest, where people are very extroverted.

15. Come to Seattle,.you’ll be fine.

16. Based on my personal experience, the answer is a resounding yes. That said, it seems like that would be the case everywhere else too.

17. Yes.

    Source: Emotionless aloof guy

18. He will do well in New England, we have what’s called the New England shield out here where we can be rather cool to visitors and new people. We can come off as stoic and rude but share a similar attitude on the surface. We do warm up after a while of getting to know people.

19. Depends.

    In some place like Minnesota, Wisconsin, Kentucky, North Carolina, Alabama, or Kansas, fat chance.

    In some place like San Francisco, Seattle, Phoenix, Colorado (the state in general), or much of New England, aloofness is strangely a form of communication.

20. I would not call myself scary or aloof but I am shy and have trouble making friends. It’s just a thing, Americans tend to be friendly and outgoing but not all of us are. You can still make friends, it’s just a bit harder.

21. Yes, probably.

22. Yeah, but I assume that’s true of any country. How many people want to be friends with someone who shows no emotion?

23. Not to me, but I’m an introvert and very much dislike small talk. Probably why I do not have many friends and I’m okay with that.

24. Yes. Especially the “never smiling” bit; in America, that’s how you nonverbally signal that you want to be left alone.

25. Yes. I was that guy, and my life sucked ass until I met my future wife and my future best friend, and opened up.

26. Might be okay after a couple prozac

27. I am an American. I am an introvert. I am aloof but not emotionless, I just don’t show them I have no friends. No strangers approach me for anything really. The people I work with are friendly, but I’ve never been asked to do anything social with them even when most of them are doing something together. I fully understand that it’s me.

28. I moved to Denmark and struggled to make friends. I realized that it was easier to be introverted in a country where other people are extroverted. How are introverts ever going to start talking to each other?

    So, I’d say they struggle, of course, but have a better chance than in a less extroverted country. An even better chance in more extroverted countries like many warm countries where they spend a lot of time outside.

29. Some Americans are extroverted. Some are not. Please try to remember that you’re talking about 330,000,000+ people.

30. I’m American and am not extroverted or friendly. I don’t mean that I’m mean or rude, I just don’t often try to be friendly to strangers. I probably do have fewer friends than my more extroverted peers, but I do HAVE friends.

31. In my personal experience, yes very much.

32. Does that attract friends in other countries?

33. I almost never smile, look scary, and am rather aloof to new people. The funny thing is that it wasn’t until I embraced all of those qualities that I started making friends. I spent years trying to be someone else because I thought that’s what I had to do to be a social person. Then at one point I just thought “Fuck it, this is who I am, if they like it, cool, if they don’t, I don’t care.” Oddly enough, what people appreciated most of all was realness.

34. I mean if you’re introverted and shy you can make friends. If you’re “scary looking”? What does that mean? Like you have a crocodile face?