I’m Australian and was recently told this by someone from the US who was shocked it doesn’t really happen in Aus! I’m 36 and I have split the bill on first dates 90% of the time.

45 comments

  1. I guess. I’m on my thirties and have been married for 7 years but I always did.

    Can’t speak for everyone though.

  2. I did most if not all of the time in my dating days. It didn’t seem like a big deal either way – just better to avoid possibly being seen as cheap!

    Edit: I’m an older millennial. I have no idea what Gen Z does.

  3. Woman here: I always split unless the man insists on paying. Or if we’re going to dinner at one place and then getting dessert at another, I’ll pay for one and he’ll pay for the other.

  4. Yeah, the men would usually pay back in my dating days. This was 10 years ago, though.

  7. When I was dating five years ago in Boston some women expected me to pay others want to split. It could be a little tricky to figure out sometimes.

  8. When I dated American men, we always split the bill (I paid for what I ordered, they paid for what they ordered).

    When I first started dating my fiancé (who grew up in Mexico) he didn’t understand when I’d ask the waiter to split the bill. He almost would seem offended; he couldn’t believe when I told him we normally split the bill in American dating.

    He thinks American relationship dynamics are overall strange haha

  9. Maybe I’m old fashioned and it has been years since I dated but I always did. No idea what kids do these days.

    I definitely did if I was the one setting up the date, which I pretty much always was.

    Once it got past first date then there were more split bills or her paying.

    I only ever got burned kind of once. Gal seemed interested and we had a date at a bar. She got a bunch of cocktails and we talked for a while but it was like 90% me talking and she was like a brick wall. I paid the tab and she never contacted me again. I wasn’t even super upset about it because it was so lame I didn’t want a second date so I just took the L and learned a bit.

  10. Sometimes I pay sometimes we do 50/50 depends on who I’m with and who ate or drank what.

  11. I’m a late 20s man. I usually ask unless it’s a cheaper restaurant. Most girls are fine either way but I’ve had one or two that said they were happy to split on the first date, especially at nicer restaurants.

    I defer to them, but I have to admit, splitting is nice, especially if we’ve both ordered a drink or two.

  12. I prefer to split the bill, but I’ve run into men who won’t go for that. If that happens, and we go out again, I arrange to take care of the check. More dates means alternately paying the bill. I wouldn’t be comfortable otherwise.

    On the occasions that I have invited someone out, I prefer to pay the full check.

  13. 38F, have been married for 15 years. My husband asked, so he paid. If I had asked him out, I would have paid (and when I picked the place and asked him to go to a particular place or event, I did pay).

    But since it’s more expected that the man asks for the date, then he is more likely to be expected to pay. He’s not required to ask, though, and I would never show up to a date and be unable to pay my own way, just in case something went wrong with his card/wallet got stolen/etc.

    Now everything is combined, so we both pay for our weekly dates.

  14. I think there were maybe a couple where I didn’t pay the whole bill, but yeah. I’ve had some girls offer to split, but honestly, it just felt like an empty gesture. I go in expecting to pay though (raised this way), so it’s not a big deal. The whole “whoever is the asker pays” is nice in theory, but even when I’m asked out, I pay. It just feels weird not to pay

  15. I usually offer to split the bill, but there have been times when the guy has insisted on paying, or at least beat me to handing the waiter a credit card. As nice as free food is, I prefer to pay my own way, both for feminist reasons and so I don’t feel like I owe the guy something.

  16. I’ve always paid for first dates. I’m also Hispanic-American so we tend to be a bit more conservative/traditional with those kinds of things.

  17. I generally do because it’s generally myself that had set up the date.

    Dating in NYC was something else, as I’d pay for dinner and if things went well enough, we’d head to a bar for drinks and 9/10, she’d pick up the tab on that.

  18. I don’t like going to restaurants for a first date so it’s usually not an issue. My last first date was at a museum. She came late so I just paid for both of our tickets. If she was on time, I probably would have paid for both of us anyways. It wasn’t expensive or anything.

  19. As a man I like to pay for a date to show I actually care. Now if she offers to pay or split I wouldn’t say no

  20. Yes. Though the one who asked the other out is growing to be the standard (though this is still typically the man).

  21. I am someone who always offers to split the bill on a first date, but the guy has always paid for me. When I lived in the UK, guys thought it was weird when I would offer. They said in the UK, guys always pay on first dates and how it can be seen as a bit insulting to offer haha.

  22. On our first date, 25 years ago, I paid.

    When we went on the date on the day we got engaged? He paid.

    For the last 25 years? We go back and forth.

    Edited to add: I am a woman. And we have been married for going in 25 years.

  23. Yeah, it’s honestly the number one reason I stopped dating.

    Spending that money on golf now and much happier for it.

  24. I’m lesbian so the dynamics are a bit different. We can go 50/50 with no one being offended and there’s no outward expectation that either one of us should pay. However, women can have a hard time telling platonic vibes from romantic ones, so paying for a date to me feels like a genuine show of interest and a resolute “yes, this was a date, not a friend-date”. I absolutely 100% do *not* speak for all lesbians here, this is just my way of differentiating (I’m not very good at picking up romantic cues in general).

  25. 40 y.o. man here. I always pay unless my date is insistent (and sometimes upset) about me paying all the time, then she can cover it this time. I actually recently was on a date where she got to the restaurant before me and put her card down so that I wouldn’t get a chance to. I told her that I appreciated her execution of that move. Having used it myself on a previous occasion.

  26. When I was dating a few years ago, it was all through dating apps. (I’m an older woman)

    I generally wanted short and inexpensive outings for the first meeting. I would get there early and purchase my own coffee or other beverage.

    If I enjoyed the first meeting, I would text something along the lines of having had a nice time. Up to him if he wanted to ask me out on a regular “date” after that.

    If he did, I generally would let him pay the bill, unless it was a multiple activity kind of date, then I would attempt to pay for a movie if he paid for dinner, for example. But at some point, I would try to make it clear that the next one would be on me. I wouldn’t take offense if asked to split the check though, but I found alternating was less awkward than splitting checks.

  27. I’m in my 40s now and have not dated for a long time. But, I cannot imagine not picking up the tab, unless she just wanted to. But either way, someone treats, usually the man.

  28. I’m a woman. I don’t necessarily expect it but it adds points in my book and way more likely to lead to a second date. I’m southern and a bit old fashioned but every date I’ve been on the man has paid

  29. Usually the guy asks me out, we have dinner and when we pick up the bill both put our cards on the check, my date will give my card back to me and says it’s on him. If I like the first date, I will say “thank you. It’s on me next time”. If I don’t like it, I will either accept not paying if it’s pre-established that he’s paying or insist on splitting.

  30. A lot of people here are mentioning what they personally do, which is valid. But as for a *general* idea of what’s common, yes, it is common for men in the US to cover the bill on a date. Is it guaranteed per se or expected to the point that people would defend you if you complained? No not really in most circles. You would be the bad guy if you made a stink. But it’s absolutely not unheard of and is the “normal” in many places. I would say it is moving a bit more towards more splitting though. But definitely not more normal than the man covering the bill.

    I admittedly have girl friends who find it a bit ~taboo~ (is that even the right word here, idk) if a man doesn’t at least offer to pay the whole thing. I’m an Aussie who lives in the US, I split lol.

  31. Can only speak for myself, but yeah, I always offer to. If she insists on paying half then that’s cool but I’m fine with it either way.

  32. Been with my girlfriend for over two years and I’ve always paid the bill every time we’ve gone out.

  33. I suppose yes, I’m a woman and if a guy asks me out, unless it’s like a dinner and a show (then I’ll at least grab my own ticket to the show), if he doesn’t at least offer to pay for my (obvs reasonable) dinner, I’m a little put off.

    It’s not something that would make me say hell no but it’s appreciated.

    If I ask him out, I’ll pay or I’ll accept his offer of splitting the bill.

  35. IME yes, most men pay for first dates. But it really depends on who asked for the date. I would pay if I asked a guy out when I was single

  36. I’m older (47). I always pay for the first date and often the second and third too.

  38. My wife paid for our first date (ice cream), but I think I started paying for meals after that. I’d say the majority of American men do it for the sake of impressing the girl.

  39. Australian here, many of my mates still offer to pay on the first date. Get your facts right, and my mates are university aged.

  40. I’ve been dating my now wife for 10 years. I have paid for all but maybe 3 of our dates.

  41. I’m Canadian, and I split the bill on the first date to say I’m not into you

  42. Australian relationships are generally 50 : 50 whereas relationships in America are thought to be more traditional …..

  43. 90% of the time as a guy I pay. About a third to a half offer to split but usually don’t insist.

    Then there was one horrible blind date where I insisted we split. She did shocked Pikachu face and I took care of the app and dessert.

  44. It’s still expected, and considered weird or unusual (or at least notable) if it doesn’t happen.

    (We refer to splitting the bill evenly as “going dutch”, although I don’t know if that’s called that elsewhere.) Gender and society has gone through a lot of upheaval recently, but even the most liberal ladies, by the time they graduate college and figure out what they’re doing in life, would expect the first date to be paid for by the gentleman. In other words: Don’t buy into the “women don’t want the man to pay for things” hype. It’s very much going to be expected, and failing to at least *offer* to pay the bill (even if you do end up splitting it, or if there are extenuating circumstances around things) would still be considered a possible red flag.

  45. The responses to these kinds of questions always make me laugh. Survey after survey demonstrates that in the U.S., 75-80 percent of people of both genders say that men should pay for dates and correspondingly, men pay for dates about 75-80 percent of the time. These kinds of comments are always filled with ” whoever asks the other person out should pay” or “the bill should be split evenly” or women who say “I always split the cost”. I call bullshit. You might claim it on Reddit but in real life, the vast majority of people simply aren’t abiding by these opinions.

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