My (22m) girlfriend (19f) have a pretty solid sex life, but we run into issues pretty regularly.
Firstly, I never struggle to make her cum (not a brag in any way) because it’s pretty straight forward in most cases. A thumb on her clit or ye olde hitachi wand during PIV will quickly result in her cumming. This is never our issue. She’s no pillow princess, I just really enjoy making her cum, more so than I enjoy cumming myself I think.
The main issue we run into is making ME cum. I have bad anxiety and have also struggled with a porn addiction and related death grip for years now. I’m trying to work on that (also up for advice on this), and I’ve gotten a bit better but I REALLY struggle to get into the right headspace during sex. I’m almost always too busy thinking about what I’m doing to her, and what I’m going to do next, and worrying if it feels good enough, etc instead of being able to focus on enjoying my own pleasure. Then add in my bipolar and 3 of my 4 meds having ED or delayed ejaculation as a side effect. I have Cialis in case I can’t get it up, but then my dick might as well not be connected to the rest of me with how little sensation I get, even though I could hammer nails with my dong.
Maybe every one of four times we have sex I would cum, and now that she’s on BC and we stopped using condoms, I haven’t managed to cum inside her a single time. It feels AMAZING but I just can’t reach an orgasm. I don’t know if it’s nerves or I’m in my head too much about not cumming, or what but it’s been a month now and it’s downright infuriating. I’ll get so close, and then it’s like the fucking Windows loading bar getting stuck at 90% and then BOOM program crashes, and I’m not even close to cumming again.
Obviously this also crushes my girlfriend too because she feels like she’s doing a shit job, no matter how many times I try to explain that I’m the issue here. She struggles a lot because she doesn’t know what to do during sex other than just “be a hole” essentially. Her previous partner basically just used her to get off, and so she never really learned much. I try to teach her what I know, but tbh I don’t have that much experience overall, and I don’t entirely know what I want myself sometimes.
What are some more ways she can help me cum, or stay in the moment, on top of things I can do myself? I don’t want to keep saying “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else you can do to help”.
All responses are appreciated, except “break up” lol, I know what the comments look like under a lot of these posts
4 comments
It’s a blessing and a curse. You have stamina and can please her that’s great but you just can’t cum. She’s just gonna have to deal with it man. It’s your meds and your brain. Mostly your meds but it happens to the best of us. I’m sure I’m not the only one on here who can relate. Just continue to be a generous lover and keep reinforcing that it’s not her.
Obligatory not a doctor and especially not your doctor but ED/performance anxiety is not uncommon. The vast majority of guys experience it at some point in their lifetime. At your age it’s almost certain it’s psychological. I had it for a few months, and I was incredibly embarrassed because I couldn’t even get an erection. Talk to a psychologist about EMDR therapy. Drugs aren’t going to be your friend because of your meds so you’ve got to get out of your head and into the moment. Actually, now that I think about it, EMDR is used for both bipolar and ED so talk to your doc about it.
Tell your doctor about this, they may be able to adjust your meds.
I recommend seeing an actual sex therapist about stuff like this especially since it involves your medication. Not that there’s anything wrong with you, I’m just saying that a license professional who’s also familiar with neurochemical responses to pharmaceuticals is probably the best person to talk to. And not alone, I think both you and your girlfriend should talk to one about it if she’s up for it. Not some long drawn out thing. Like a couple of sessions and try out the advice of the therapist.