Ok so, around a year ago I disclosed some sexual desires of mine to my gf, we had been together around 2.5 years at that point, there was more factors to it than that but almost immediately after that we began the lowest point in our relationship so far which lasted almost 9 months. During this time she made me feel quite a bit of shame about the things that I disclosed to her, and we didn’t have sex at all. Recently this past month since we started again, (weekly/biweekly maybe) she’s been noticeably trying to incorporate some of these things into having sex or foreplay, but it takes me out of the moment and into my own head, I can’t put it out of my mind that she’s faking being comfortable or enjoying the sex in general and I don’t know how to move forward, last time I had to stop in the middle of it because I was in such a bad headspace over feeling she doesn’t truly want me or enjoy having sex with me. Any advice is GREATLY appreciated, thanks for reading guys
3 comments
Try switching it up, taking control, and doing the things that she likes for a night. Nothing that you stated was uncomfortable. See if it is better.
It is awesome when partners try to do things for one another, but you are right – nobody (or at least most people) likes feeling like it is being done out of obligation or the other person is not enjoying themselves. Maybe you control how it is incorporated, if possible, and move slowly. Once there is a comfort level on the low end, move it up a little more, and go from there.
You need to have a serious conversation in a non sexual situation. Explain that you appreciate her obviously trying to reach out to you, but that you feel a little weird/guilty over the previous reaction she had. You love her, don’t want her to feel uncomfortable or forced.
I’ll say this – a few years ago, I brought up pegging to me wife. She HATED the idea. Confessed to me after that she had literally cried over it, that it made her super nervous. Well, today, it’s one of her favorite things to do. Makes her so wet, turns her on so much.
She shamed you about your kinks and quit having sex with you? Unless they’re really far out there, that’s not a healthy response to your partner opening up to you.