Do you dig it or is it disrespectful to you?

44 comments

  2. I wouldnt date someone who did that. Everyone decides their own boundaries and for me this would be a fundamental incompatibility

  3. Bad. She’s looking for attention from other guys. Not cool in a relationship.

  4. Nope, I’d ask her to take it down. It’s validation seeking behavior, which is toxic, narcissistic, and can be detrimental to a monogamous relationship.

    It would be the same as if while I’m out with my SO and I hit on every women I see, asking for social or phone number. It’s disrespectful to your partner and all it does is validate your own ego.

  5. I’m the only person who gets her thirst photos. It’s like the red phone between JFK and Khruschev

  6. Wouldn’t date someone who does this, nor someone who is highly active on social media.

  7. My wife doesn’t, I’d take it as a bit of a slap in the chops, same way if I posted shit like that, it’s reserved for single people and people trying to sell you something.

  8. I don’t know anyone that feels the need to post thirsty pictures of themselves online.

    Bit of a sad habit really, seeking attention from strangers.

  10. One of my ex’s did this, she started posting pictures of herself half naked doing pole dances, and guys would constantly DM her, she openly admitted to me that she “does it for herself” but then in the same breath said “I like the validation, it makes me feel good” lol

    I said to her “So I should be ok with other men looking at your half-naked body and DMing you, but you’re not ok with me adding other women on Instagram because it makes you uncomfortable?” to which she replied “That’s completely different” haha

    I eventually broke up with her…

  11. My ex did this. Didn’t really bother me much. She would show me the pics she was interested in uploading and ask my opinion. She’d also ask if any bothered me, which showed that while she liked posting she also wanted to make sure it didn’t impact me negatively.

    My wife never really posted those kinds of photos, but will still ask me occasionally what I feel about pics she wants to post.

    In neither case have I asked them to ask me first, nor did I make any kind of big deal over it. They can do whatever they want. I just assume that since they’re invested in the relationship my opinion matters as well.

  12. I’m curious how many of the men saying they wouldn’t date/marry a woman who does this are consistent in their beliefs by also not following thirst traps accounts on SM?

    Edit to add I’m genuinely curious, not just being snarky.

  13. My wife does not behave this way. She would not have been my wife in the first place if she did.

  15. I avoid that kind of woman. Call it controlling, I call it having boundaries. She can do whatever she wants but if posting thirsty pics to get attention is something she wants to do we clearly don’t share the same values and views.

  16. I would not be in a relationship a woman that needs to have their beauty affirmed by people outside of her relationship. This is most of my issue with people that chase being pretty but fundamentally have no other redeeming characteristics.

    Now my wife and I go out dancing and some random comes up and flirts with my wife is a different thing. She didn’t go out of her way to solicit the attention.

    I have seen people in supposedly monogamous relationships where one or the other partner have this characteristic of wanting to be noticed by others and it never ended well.

    That is just me, I value a monogamy, trust, loyalty and emotional intelligence in a relationship. Some people may have different values. Before I found a person with those I was single most of the time with a few FWBs and a bunch of separated short term relationships which was fine too because that is where I was at in life. However, I didn’t do work on the next random encounter or getting back with a FWB while I was still in an active relationship. I saw that as part of my word.

    What this person is signaling IMHO is that they are keeping their options open in trying to maintain interest from other randoms.

  17. Unpopular opinion: there’s nothing inherently wrong with using social or sexual validation to fuel yourself when you need a confidence boost. Or whatever you need it for. Just like there is nothing inherently wrong with feeling hurt over that your SO gets validation from others too.

    In my opinion it just means that you have very different views on things and are perhaps not very compatible in that area. And if you can’t learn to be fine with your SO’s worldview you really can’t expect your SO to adapt to fit yours. It’s as much work for either of you. Best is to just accept the differences and find a healthy middle way.

  18. I’m honestly all for it. I love when she’s feeling bold and confident in herself. She’s always sexy to me, but when she feels sexy, I get so proud and excited for her.

    I’m very secure in our marriage and don’t mind her getting attention

  19. I don’t really mind, we are both really into cosplay and larp so posting pics of our kits (either normal and thirsty) is part of our hobby. We set some boundaries though (applied to both of us) like not dm’ing strangers lewds or thirsty messages, not entertaining inappropriate/disrespectful requests/comments about each other, making it clear from our bios and media that we’re in a committed relationship, etc.

    At the end of the day, we are reminded that we are functioning autonomous adults, neither of us can tell the other what they can or can’t do, and we can enjoy our hobby while respecting and trusting the other partner at the same time.

  20. I used to be on the boat with the guys saying that their “SO is their own person, they can do what they want. It’s their right etc.”

    But now, I think that it’s a red flag. Not because I want to control what they post, or how they receive validation, but because they NEEDED the validation to begin with. Secure relationships are made from two secure people. And if you’re insecure, your priority should be to resolve that internally, not externally.

    What constitutes “thirsty” is highly subjective though. Jonah Hill is a good example of an overreaction to what his GF was posting. They weren’t thirst traps.

  21. My ex wife did this and when I brought it up I was the crazy one. And it turned out she was cheating on me and it started from a guy commenting on one of those very pictures. But it all worked out in the end, I have a great gf now( way hotter to) and my ex was dumped by the guy she cheated on me with. Karma got that ass

  22. Almost 98% of men despise this behavior yet the world tells us it’s men who are insecure and are misogynistic. Sigh. Stay strong on your boundaries.

  23. I am very into exhibitionism and have taken those kinds of photos for my ex’e and some other women to share.

  24. I would find it out of character for her, but would be the first to comment on how beautiful she is.

  25. It’s a surprise to me if my wife ever even sends me a selfie without the kid in it.

  26. You know I was seeing a guy who used to do this and he was naturally fit so I thought it was great. He has a degree in exercise science and so I could see him being a consultant or trainer. I did not think it was bad at the time. I still don’t depending on the type of photo and purpose.

    However, he was incredibly insecure so draw whatever conclusions.

    I saw him posting now, and more recently I knew he discussed using some assistive substances. Not the bad ones, but seeing the photo made me realize he likely moved on to the bad ones. It’s just sad to me. And I know he is with a person and surrounded by people that will not call him on this. If anything maybe they assist him to get the stuff. Not that they could stop him, but I see enough self interest from his ugly partner and her people to not do anything to upset him or lose him. Sad.

  27. I don’t care as long as she isn’t entertaining the DMs, and they’re not explicitly sexual.

    also, if she had issues with me adding women/following IG models while doing that, then it becomes an issue

  28. I tell her she looks great bc she likes attention. My last serious relationship would post such photos and get idiots to give her money. I say idiots bc they always knew she was in a relationship and they’d still do it. She’d be pretty harsh to them as well and they’d move on and come back later. I always found extremely amusing.

    Anyhow she’d use those funds to order out for the both of us, head to the movies, or buy herself various things since it wasn’t apart of her regular budget.

  29. Watch out, I’m about to have a hot take.

    (CW: Opinions and feelings.)

    As a guy I often feel replaceable, valued more for what I can *do* for others than who I *am* as a person. That sounds hyperbolic, I know, but I think you’ll find a lot of guys feel similarly.

    There’s an insecurity among guys that I’m not sure women share, if a guy comes along that’s my equal in every way *but* he makes my partner laugh a bit more than I do, there’s not much reason for my partner to stick with me and not take the upgrade. There’s not much reason for my partner to *not* trade up. Hell, I’m not sure I’d even have the right to try to fight for her, I want what’s best for my partner and that might not be me.

    I don’t know if it would be fair to say that men are competitive, but we sure find ourselves in competition quite a lot. Even if my partner isn’t actively looking for someone new, the fact remains that new people are always looking for her, and if one of those new people gets their foot in the door I might just be out of luck through no fault of my own.

    Even if we’re the best man that we can be, there are always going to be better men out there. We can compete against individuals one on one, improve in the areas where he’s sufficient and we’re deficient, but feeling like one is competing against hundreds or thousands of other men on a daily basis can become neurotic.

    Let me offer an analogy: You’re an actor. You’ve been busting your ass memorizing monologues and hoofing it to auditions for a while without much luck. You do five blind readings a week, go to the callbacks, listen to the director’s notes, but it’s a lot of work. One day you get *the call,* you’ve been cast in a role! The hard work paid off! The training paid off! You’re finally going to be on the stage! You show up for the first day of rehearsals, but on your way into the theater you walk past a long line of men who look a lot like you, all of them with scripts in their hand. When you ask the director what’s going on he explains that those guys are just there to audition for your part, but that it’s really nothing to worry about as long as you’re a better fit for the role than they are.

    Now, to your question: Is that an act of disrespect on the part of the director, or is that an example of the director doing what’s in the best interest of the production?

    As a guy I feel like I’m in competition against everyone my partner meets, she has a right to choose the better deal, and if I’m *not* the better deal she doesn’t have a lot of reason to choose me. It’s one thing to know that people are attracted to your partner, it’s another thing to **see it happening** in real time.

    To hedge all of this: Posting thirsty photos is disrespectful **if** your partner feels disrespected or **if** it’s done with the *intention* of disrespecting your partner. A lot of dudes can just roll with this shit, and if he’s such a dude then there’s no problem with his partner posting thirst traps, it doesn’t cause a disruption in the relationship. A lot of dudes have a hard time rolling with this shit.

    There are no hard and fast rules to this except the oldest rule in the book: Talk to your partner about your feelings.

  30. My buddy’s woman started posting thirsty pics after years of them being in a committed relationship. My wife and I would look at her instagram, wondering what the hell she was craving attention for when she didnt do that before. Turns out she cheated on him and was too much of a coward to actually break things off. She worked up the courage about a year later when they were on vacation, and she got drunk and blurted out that it was over. She started dating one of his closest friends shortly after. He was the one she cheated with.

  31. NEVER SENT NUDES VIA TEXT ETC…. I live and die by this code. I have never and will never ask my wife for photos of her nude. She doesn’t for me, and I repeat it to my kids. Do not give nudes to others. You don’t know who they share the pictures with now or in the future.
    One didn’t listen and now regrets it. You don’t know where your relationship will be in 5, 10, 30 years.
    I want to see my wife nude, I ask, and we get frisky. My kids have learned that love is fleeting and electronic pictures are not locked to one or two phones……..

  32. These comments make me so relieved to be a gay dude. My man and I work hard in our bodies and post thirst traps from the gym all the time. So do most of our gay friends either in relationships or single. I’m happy for him to get validation, as he is for me. All of these weirdly possessive and jealous comments…are straight ppl ok?

  33. By thirsty photo I assume you mean one with her butt sticking out a little extra or something along those lines? I personally love it when my wife is feeling confident enough to post anything about herself, because she deserves to feel as beautiful as she looks.

  34. I see it as disrespectful.

    Just like I shouldn’t be liking/commenting on those types of pictures posted by other women.

  36. Used to date a girl who posted these and it was confusing, I always wondered why she was showing her body off to other people, what reaction she was expecting to get out of that. She said she liked the attention, surprise surprise she liked attention in all aspects of her life and got up to all sorts of antics to get it. She wanted me to be jealous and fight for her and stuff, she would start the weirdest “nothing” meltdowns. It didnt last

  37. I have not dated anyone who did this.

    But if a gf/wife felt the need to post a thirst trap while they had an SO, I’d feel pretty shit about it. I mean, really, haven’t even talked to me about something they feel was lacking in our relationship (if at all there was something like this, like, some people just want and need attention from whomever). Talking about issues is the first thing if you wanna fix them.

    So, it feels disrespectful. Truth be told I kinda avoid people prone to doing this.

  38. If she wants to take thirty photos for male attention, she can send them to me. But posting “bait” to attract men online would be an indication she isn’t committed to the relationship.

    She can post random pics with friends at the beach, but there is a big difference if she is purposely making specific thirst content.

    I wouldn’t want it in my relationship. The only exception would be modeling work that is paid.

  39. My last gf would go out to have drinks with her girl friends after work sometimes. Didn’t bother me in the slightest, had no reason to distrust her. She comes home one night after an outing and tells me how she let a guy flirt and buy her drinks, and her friends were surprised she had that freedom in our relationship and how none of them would do that. She asked me how I felt about it. I asked her how she would feel if I was out drinking with my friends and let a flirty woman buy me drinks. She thought about it and said that she wouldn’t like it. I said well then why is it okay for you to do it because I didn’t like it either. She said she had that freedom in her previous relationships and that’s how she operated. It was something we had never discussed so it wasn’t a freedom we had agreed upon. I trusted her less after that and we eventually broke up as more red flags popped up. Attention seeking while you’re in a relationship is just bad form.

  40. honestly, instead of doing the mental gymnastics of trying to convince your current gf or wife not to do this shit, why don’t you guys just date someone you have the same values as in the first place?

  41. When I got with my girlfriend, I found she had an instant with all sorts of these pictures and guys hitting her up. She just used it for validation. Took me a while, but I just brought it up to her and how it made me really uncomfortable, and this isn’t the type of woman I want to be with. She took them down, and we are on 5 years and counting. I want to marry her but can’t afford a house/ring at the moment, so I feel inadequate.

  42. I drool over her.

    She doesn’t do it but I dont mind if it happens as she, despite having a very small frame, gets called out for being fat when in fact she has the perfect body.

    I want her to go out and celebrate herself.

  43. If a guy doesn’t want his gf or partner posting thirsty pics he shouldn’t be liking other girls thirsty pics on ig otherwise there’s no mutual respect and he’s being controlling

  44. Don’t care as long as she doesn’t go further than posting. Private chats and responding to DMS beyond “thanks” would be over the line. I think a woman deserves to feel attractive, and to advertise that she feels attractive by sharing is a natural expression of that.

    Me and my wife are firm supporters of the “window shopping policy”. You can look but don’t go in and don’t touch. We all have eyes, and we can’t selectively not see attractive people. As long as we don’t do more than look it’s all good. Same with posting publicly, all good as long it’s just posting.

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