My husband and I have been married for over 11 years. He is my best friend and he tells me I am his as well. We share almost everything with each other.
Even little white lies we tell other people. Well that was until he called me by accident on his phone.
He was speaking to another male coworker and the things they were saying about women. Women they work with, women who they know. My husband even said he would have sex with one of the women they were speaking about. He eventually realized I was on the phone, and left work immediately to come home and explain. He said that’s not who he is and I know who he is. That he just talks that way around other men. He says every man he knows talk like that even men I know who I would never think of speaks that way. It doesn’t make it okay. He said that but I think it’s just all lies.
It’s convenient he lies to all men but tells me the truth? I don’t know what to believe or if I even really know this man. Any advice at this point would be good. Should I leave him because this is how he talks when l’m not around or stay because of how he acts and treats me when he is in my presence?
27 comments
He just let you know who he is believe the man on the cell call Bc that’s who he really is.
He said he would sleep with someone else before he knew you heard. Lol I think that says enough
Even if every single man on the planet spoke that way of women, it wouldn’t make it okay. You’re allowed to want to be respected, even when you’re not around.
Nah, that’s who he is. Whatever he told his coworker is the truth, he does find these women attractive, he does want to sleep with that coworker. It’s not just guy talk… he is gross like that.
Whatever you heard on the phone is in fact true, sadly.
He’s too old to act like a horny frat boy. That’s so disrespectful. Talking about co-workers like that is also predatory and creepy.
I know someone who was fired for SH. His wife has no clue because he came up with another excuse.
The comment about who he would have sex with was just so disrespectful to your marriage and there is no excuse for “male banter” to whitewash it.
Do they realize how awful that is for the women they work with too.
Are you sure nothing else has been going on at work with other coworkers that this talk seems normal?Time to check his phone and for some heart to heart conversations regarding boundaries and respecting your marriage. He has surely shown you his ugly side and I suspect knocked himself off your pedestal.
A man here. If ever man he knows talks like that, then your husband keeps despicable company. I work in a machine shop. None of us talk like that. Neither do any of my friends. We may compliment a woman’s looks, but never anything we wouldn’t be willing to say in front of them.
The only time it ever happened was when I was a stupid, immature teenager. But I grew up and learned to respect women.
Twice, in two separate bands my wife was performing with, a band member made an inappropriate comment about my wife to me, and I very quickly shut that shit down and let them know very strongly that I do not talk about my wife that way.
If your husband is telling you that he acts one way around you and differently around others, then he has a real problem. He needs to grow up and not conform to peer pressure around him.
I hope you get this worked out.
My husband calls men out that talk like that. Your husband is disgusting. All men don’t casually degrade women.
So you’ll just have to be out with drinks with your friends one evening and have him on the phone and say to your friend next to you: “I’d love to ____ our bartender over there”
Then if he gets upset just hit him with a “Oh that’s just how us women talk honey. But this isn’t really me right now so it’s ok, you’re being silly.”
This is horrible advice, don’t listen to me.
34 year old married dude here. Not normal. I don’t talk to my friends or my brothers like this and I sure as fuck don’t talk to or about co-workers like this. My rule in life is to never say anything about anyone that I wouldn’t say to their face. Scummy and weak behavior.
Ummmm it’s absolutely who he is. It’s not who he wants you to THINK he is. But he’s 100% the man who reduces every woman he interacts with into 2 categories. Fuckable and not fuckable. I feel sorry for his coworkers because I bet he’s creepy with them. These kinds RARELY hide this as well as they think they do.
But now that he’s dropped the mask accidentally, what are you going to do about it?
My work has me hanging around construction sites a lot. I hear the most disgusting insane stuff said about women, and guys try to say the crap to me as well. If they are employees or part of the company I tell them to knock it off. Never have I ever gone along with that sort of talk cause “it’s just guy talk”. It’s disgusting and disrespectful. I never have understood men who talk that way. Sounds like he does talk like that cause that’s who he is. Don’t ignore people when they show you who they are.
That’s the person he is. Not all men talk that way. He’s lying.
Source: I’m a man.
If he really thought what he said was no big deal he wouldn’t have left early rushed home and immediately went into damage control mode. He knows exactly how upsetting what he was doing is and it’s extra disrespectful that he’s pretending he doesn’t.
No mature man who takes his relationship seriously speaks that way even around their friends. I can count on one hand how many of my “guy friends” over the age of about 20 have ever spoken that way and virtually all of them had marriages fall apart or never have relationships that last because they just don’t take them seriously or there were already problems and they were already checked out. Even if it was just “guy talk” and he legitimately believes that he ought to be able to see how you react to it and his reaction should be different.
As a guy, I cant say we talk like that. Sounds like a bunch of toxic going n at the work environment. I dont think he should be talking like that either
“That he just talks that way around other men.”
Then that is who he is.
You are who you hang with.
Your post makes me think of a quote
Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
You need to talk to your spouse and determine your next steps.
Him rushing home speaks enough. He clearly knows what he said was not something a married man should talk about.
He is trying to gaslight you into thinking “oh every guy talks about this” WHEN THEY DON’T.
Also ask yourself, and him, would HE be okay with you talking that way about another man? Probably not
Sorry OP, but your husband DOES think that woman is attractive and DOES want to sleep with her.
He is sexually harassing women at work and creating a toxic workplace by demeaning women behind their back… how is that just “guy talk”? They can all get fired. It’s totally inappropriate to talk like that anywhere, but more so at work!
Sorry, this is beyond your marriage. He is actively sabotaging women’s careers and creating a negative environment for women because he is a pig. I hope you don’t have daughters.
How would you feel if someone did this to you at work?
Yeah, no. Even if he wouldn’t cheat on you in real life, is still disgusting to talk like that. He is disrespecting you in front of his co-workers. My husband has a co-worker who speaks like that all the time and he thinks is so disgusting, considering he is married as well. So he literally ignores him everytime he tries to contact him to hang out outside of work.
“that’s just how men talk” and “boys will be boys” are two of the stupidest excuses ever uttered.
Good luck
It’s better to have no husband than a bad husband
Oh gosh. I hope this is not how men are.
I have raised (and still raising) 5 sons. If I ever heard them say something like this or be disrespectful to a woman like that, I would let them have it. I don’t care that my oldest is 26. I would have some words with him. That is not how I raised them.
If my husband spoke like that, there would be a huge discussion and conversation. It is so wrong and disgusting.
I am sorry. OP.
My husband butt dialed me at work a few times. I’ve heard him talk about Pokémon cards and about the New Mexican food place we tried. Never heard him talk about banging another woman. I’m not sure I would end my marriage for it but I would certainly be starting marriage counseling and asking him why he thinks it’s okay to disrespect women for mens entertainment. Those women aren’t there to be eye candy for your husband and his friends. They are there to work and not be disrespected. I would have serious ick if my husband spoke that way.
Things I talk to my guy friends about: video games, card games, cooking stuff in a smoker, Bluey.
Things I don’t do with my guy friends: disrespect women.
Your husband is a shitheel.