For context, he’s a diagnosed hypochondriac with OCD. It doesn’t affect his day to day life, but sometimes it flares up.
I’ve been dating this guy for the past couple of months and it’s been going great. I’ve had a few hookups in the past, the last one was a year ago.
He recently started to worry that I may have an undiagnosed STD, one that takes a long time to incubate.
He’s worried now that I have something dormant in my body that I don’t know about. It came off as insulting to me quite frankly. Should I take the test or have a discussion with him that nothing is going on and support him with his worries?
33 comments
You would be stupid to NOT want to take a test in my opinion. You should always get STD tested after hook ups. You’re just playing with fire if you don’t.
It’s an easy enough thing to do, so I’d just do it and ask him to do one with you as well.
His request isn’t about you. It’s about him. More importantly, the test is about your health. The smart thing to do is to take the test and amend your bucket list to include a test after hookups in the future.
It sounds like you already got tested after your last hook up a year ago ..
But honestly… If it were me, I’d just take it. You’re having sex with him, so even if it’s just his obsessive compulsive disorder being extreme, he’s very much in is right to not want to have sex with you (or anyone) and risk an STD- if he feels it’s a risk. Obviously you’re well in the right to choose to not do that, and no judgement whatsoever if that’s what you choose, but the relationship may fail over it.
If you want to be with this guy long-term at all, I’d personally do it- if it were me. If you don’t take the test and continue dating, then he’s going to start to associate sex with you with– feeling uncomfortable/unsettled, fear/paranoia, and just overall anxiety.
Even if these feelings are stemmed from his OCD and not from logic- feelings just aren’t based in logic, he can’t full on control how he’s going to feel, there’s no pick and choosing his emotions— and he will most certainly start to have these feelings when you have sex with him.
Why wouldn’t you take a recent STD test when you’re sleeping with someone? I’m genuinely trying to see why you don’t want to ensure you both are being safe.
Did you get tested between your previous partner and him? If so, you do not need to take another test. If not, it’s just best practice to test between partners.
Always get tested with each new partner! He’s kinda right here. Sure, he may be a hypochondriac, but he’s also smart (ish, waiting 3 months is eh) for wanting to make sure.
It’s not insulting to you in any way. Is it insulting for a boss not to want you to work while contagious? It’s the same situation. He just wants to be careful and safe. It’s easy to contract something and not know.
Yes you should take the test normal people do that when they enter new relationships. No Mam a discussion is not a test just do the test the guy is fair to ask for this , it’s his health on the line.
I’m not a hypochondriac, and I expect long term partners to be tested. I’m trying to keep my body healthy and sound. In closing, his request is the mark of a responsible individual.
Honestly it’s really stupid NOT to get tested regularly if you’re having sex in any way, shape, or form. With a new partner especially. Take care of yourself – the risks of not getting tested are huge.
He is correct in that you can have an STD from a past encounter and not know about it because you don’t see symptoms. Just get tested.
You should BOTH get tested!
Asking a new partner to get tested is standard. There’s nothing insulting about it. I refuse to sleep with anyone who hasn’t been tested. Frankly, you both should have gotten tested before you started having sex. That should be the standard.
Just take the test
Ask him to take one too would be the first obvious answer but if its not about trust, which from what you say it’s not. (It is insulting though.) However It might just put his mind at ease as he has mental issues. If he is even remotely implying that your previous behaviour is unbecoming or trying to check if you been unfaithful then tell him to go forth and multiply in fewer words. Be prepared for this to get worse and ideally he should be getting counselling if he has been diagnosed. if it does stem from his condition then he might know he is in the wrong but unable to cope with the possiblity of a transferable disease. It’s up to you to how far you commit and adapt to someone with these issues.
You’re feeling insulted by what?
Having an STD is a possibility when you’re having sex and he is right some STDs like HIV have a “window” as they say. Assuming you are or are going to have sex with him, it is a more than reasonable request.
I think he cheated and knows he has one but instead of telling you that, he wants you to get tested so he can blame you.
If he is asking you to take one, he should do to. I think the reason it feels insulting is because he not going to take the test with you.
You should really get tested in between each sexual partner. If he wants you to get a test, he should too.
I got one before I ever met my husband & he’s been my only partner ever. My husband got one before he met me and again when he joined the military (they make you get one) like 8 months later.
It’s just safe to do.
He can’t be that much of a hypochondriac if he’s having sex with you and neither of you have been tested.
He’s actually not wrong that some STDs can lay dormant for a while and infect your partners even if you don’t have symptoms. I’d say get the tests for both your peace of mind.
Yes Ma’ just take the test and show him the results of it. To only shut him up.
Then tell him you need to prove to me now you don’t have it
I won’t have sex with a woman UNLESS she shows me a clear, recent, result. Unsexy, yes. Necessary, yes.
This is why STDs are rampant, because people like you “know” you don’t have anything even though you’ve slept with plenty of people you don’t know have been tested.
Just plain dumb.
The BOTH of you should get tested together and that will put his and your mind at ease. I’m sure he is willing . . . however, if there’s a chance he’s NOT and
balks at getting tested or hesitates or argues about it, this is a serious red flag and you need to take a step back.
Take the test. You honestly should be doing this anyway with new partners.
STD testing should be a common practice if you’re sexually active. Think of it as more so you doing healthy practices for your wellbeing and not just because you were asked.
You SHOULD be gettting full panel STD testing annually. I do this for myself twice a year.
I believe he’s being rather reasonable. Especially since you said you engage in casual sex.
I’m well aware I don’t have any STDs, but I still get tested the moment I think anyone might want to know, they shouldn’t even have to ask. If you were tested before you slept with him and showed him, it would be weird if he was asking for another. I don’t think that’s the situation here though, it’s weird to want someone to trust that you don’t have any STDs, especially when they barely know you.
If you’re sexually active you should get tested periodically – even if you are in a committed relationship – because there is no guarantee the other person isn’t messing around. Take the test.
When was the last time you got tested?
As wild as it might seem, I had dormant chlamydia for over a year and gave it to my boyfriend when we started having unprotected sex a year into our relationship. I definitely wasn’t cheating, but I was probably the source because he developed symptoms and tested negative (not fully incubated) while I tested positive without symptoms. It happens. There was no blame. As long as your bf is not accusing you of anything like cheating, I don’t think his concern is coming from a place of distrust in your character, just a fear of the possibilities. While he might be a hypochondriac, the possibility for dormant STDs is pretty high.
You should get tested, but not because he wants you too. Because it’s the smart thing to do. But he should too. If he wont, dump is ass.