I[31F] need some advice on setting some boundaries with my mother and father in law around our soon to be newborn child. My husband[30M] is an only child and until he left home was the apple of his parents eye. He has since been replaced by a new dog, a german shepherd who is 2.5 years old. This dog is reactive to other dogs, doesnt like children, has bitten a woman trying to attack a small dog. He hasnt been taught any boundaries and is very boisterous.
My husband and I were nervous about taking our soon to be newborn son to his parents house because of how out of control their dog is and the fact that he doesnt like children. The other day my mother in law was handing over a gift that she had bought the baby – a onesie/ sleepsuit. The dog jumped up and snapped at the onesie trying to grab it as though it was a toy.
This made me extremely nervous but my mother in law keeps saying that the dog will be fine and when she had her child she brought him home and put him on the floor immediately and the dogs were fine with it. She keeps saying that this dog will be the same but im not comfortable at all and neither is my husband.
I want my child to be able to see his grandparents and i dont want them to think im being difficult by not allowing him to go to their house but i am very concerned about this dog. For some context my in laws typically don’t come to our house, our visits are always us going to theirs. Previously we’ve asked the parents to lock the dog out of the room because we find him a bit much sometimes (leaping on the furniture, knocking drinks off the table etc) but they look for any opportunities to bring him back in and say “its his house” and he just wants to say hello
Any advice on how to gently set this boundary and when to set it – my inlaws greatly struggle with confrontation.
TLDR: How to tell in laws we are not comfortable with my newborn child being around their dog
8 comments
Well, as you have stated, that they are deflecting and don’t want to take this as a problem. I suggest, having your husband set it in private, a call over the phone and giving them an ultimatum. As you have stated, that you have tried to negotiate and they have made light of the situation by saying, “the dog won’t bite”. It kinda of shows that they care more about the dog, than your own piece of mind. So, I suggest being firm and not going over till this issue is resolved. Although, it is their house, they should come around, if they want to see their grandchild. It sounds harsh, but the baby’s safety is at stake. Your in-laws are leaving it, to the whims of a dog, if it decides to be friendly or not. Also, if the dog bites, it will be a huge problem! So, take the harsh, but short term consequences. Then, the long term consequences if the dog bites. Congrats!
They aren’t responsible dog owners. I would never take a child to their house. One bite on your child, and the child is traumatized for life. It’s just too risky.
My mother was married to a pedophile when my children were young. I went to visit rarely and there were strict rules that my kids had to follow when we went. It was her choice to continue to live with that vile person. It was my prerogative as a mother to keep my children safe.
It’s your job as a mother to keep your baby safe. That dog is NOT SAFE.
You tell them and you let them be upset. Understand they won’t like it and it is NOT your job to cater to them. It’s going to be uncomfortable. You might have to feel like you’re being “difficult”. You’re not, you’re protecting your child.
If they want to see their grandchild, the dog cannot be present. Period. Not an argument or a discussion. They bring the dog in? You LEAVE. No apologies, no discussion. They won’t train their dog? Time to train them to respect your child’s safety.
And your husband must be fully onboard and not undermine any of this to them, either while you are there or privately.
Tell them unless they keep their dog behind a gate when you come over, you won’t be going over. They can come to you if they want to see their grandchild. This should be non-negotiable.
Who cares if they think you’re difficult. This is your defenceless baby. Just refuse to go to their house. If they want to see their grandkid, then they will have to come to you, without the dog. Stop trying to manage their comfort over the safety of your baby.
Also, these are your husbands parents. He needs to be the one telling them.
This is an aggressive, untrained dog that already has a history of biting a person. I wouldn’t step foot in their home with the infant frankly, because I wouldn’t trust them to keep the dog contained during the visit – they might lie and do it at first, then let it out.
They can visit at yours, without the dog. Or they can enjoy their grandkid via photos.
I wouldn’t bring the baby over to their house anymore!!
You don’t go over there. Ever. They have proven they will let the dog out and do not care about the safety and comfort of guests. That’s their choice.
Your choice is to do what’s right for your defenseless child. They want to see their grandchild? Great, they can meet you out or come to your house. If they show up with the dog you leave or don’t let them in. It’s that simple.
They will be upset but you know what else is upsetting? A baby’s crushed skull.