Today, I deleted over 100GB of porn I’ve saved over the past 12 years. Now the question is, do I tell my gf who I want to marry about my past?

\*TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault\*

We’ve been dating for over 2 years now and things have been great. She’s amazing in every way and I want to commit to her for the rest of my life. However, I’m scared that I’ve downplayed the intensity of my foot fetish and what I’ve let it do to my life. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for the past couple years, and today is the first day I’ve ever told anyone about the things that I feel the most shame for.

To shorten my background as much as possible, I’ve been actively masturbating to women’s feet for the past 12 years. If taking pics for friends, I’d include the feet. If I was curious what a friend or acquaintance’s feet looked like, I’d creep their Facebook or Instagram. If I came across pics or vids I liked, I’d download them to take care of business later. Eventually I’d even buy videos from models online. What I most regret doing is when I would be with drunk/sleepy friends in college, and they’d let me rub their feet, there would be times I’d be touching myself with my other hand, not knowing when I’d ever be this close to a foot again, since I’d have never been in a relationship. The last time that happened was almost a decade ago. In my head then, I thought compared to rape and forcibly taking someone’s clothes off, it was a lesser offense. I now realize that it was sexual assault and I’m incredibly ashamed that I took advantage of those friends’ trust.

She has always been the only one I want to be with since being with her. I was hesitant to delete my collection earlier because I always had thoughts like, if she leaves me, how will I fulfill my sexual urges? I’ve spent so much money, it’d be a waste if I just got rid of my collection. I never knew when it’d be “good time” to tell her, if there would ever be one. Now that I’m focusing on our future and reconnecting to our spirituality, I feel like I can’t have these doubts in my mind if I want to give her my all. I have disclosed that I occasionally watch porn with her, and I used to sub on OnlyFans, but as for the details above, I have not told her all of this in detail.

This has all accumulated to over 100GB of porn from various sites: downloaded pics of friends, videos I bought, etc. I got rid of all the stuff from people I knew personally about a year ago, because I couldn’t convince myself this would ever be okay to keep. Today, I deleted EVERYTHING ELSE, as well as all my porn accounts. The only stuff I want to be watching is what me and my girlfriend make together. I feel great shame in what I’ve done, but a part of me is relieved now that I’ve deleted everything to move forward.

I guess my main question is now is do I tell her EVERYTHING? If this is the biggest secret I’ve kept my entire life, and I’m working on never letting it get the best of me again, do I tell her what I’ve done? I’m scared of losing her, how it’s going to affect our relationship, and how she sees me. She is the one I want to marry, and she has expressed how she wants to marry me too. Is this something I need to tell her before we get engaged, or is it better for me to not talk about it? I’ll always live with the guilt of what I’ve done, but what I’ve done in my past is my past, and I don’t know if I need to drag her into it.

TLDR: I’m working on beating my porn addiction, do I tell my gf about the things I’ve done that I’ve regret or is better to move on and bring it up when the time comes? Do you think a happy and successful marriage is possible with lies of omission?