i (20F) have a lovely boyfriend (25M) who i’ve been with for 7 months now. he’s sweet and takes care of me, but our sex life, at least on my end, is .. bad?? he has never made me come and i want more from him but i’m scared to ask and i don’t know how to bring it up.
he doesn’t touch my clit or anything down there, so i get no stimulation. he has never gone down on me even though i give him bjs often. at the beginning of our relationship i thought it was something he would want to do because a few times he would put his mouth on me down there but THROUGH my pants, so. i thought eventually he would do it for real but no.
also a silly thing i worry about, but he has memes on his phone about wanting to be sit on and crushed, but he’s never asked me to sit on his face and he doesn’t seem interested in it with me, so it kind of hurts he doesn’t want his girlfriend to do that for him. i badly want to. but now that it’s been held off for so long i’m scared i’m gonna taste bad or something, or that he just doesn’t like the appearance of my vagina? and if i ask him to do it for me he’s not gonna like it.
also i will add that i have talked to him before before about how he doesn’t touch me and he said that he wants to, but even after that convo, he still doesn’t. the only part of my body he pays attention to with his hands and mouth is my boobs. which i enjoy but i’m not gonna orgasm from that alone?
but i’m getting tired of pretending to enjoy sex with him when it’s just him finishing and never me. any women here been through this with their partner?? or any men have any idea why may not want to touch me or cares if i come or not??? and how can i bring this up with him?
18 comments
You haven’t communicated with him. YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE THIS WITH HIM.
FIN.
As others have posted. .communication is the only way.
Neither of you are mind readers.
And life tip…if you can openly and honest communicate about sex…you will probably be able to talk about anything in your relationship.
Have a conversation with him about it. It shows you want stuff to happen which would make you both feel better. If he doesn’t want to talk, don’t have sex with him. If he gets mad, tell him he knows why.
Don’t yell at him tho please. Arguing will make it much worse
to go off what everyone else has said, it’s important for you to express your needs and vise versa. have an open, calm, and honest convo. let him express his needs too, tell him what you’ve loved so far and what you’d love to explore more with him. however, if nothing changes, it’s up to you how you want to pursue that. it’s better to figure it out sooner rather than later tho.
NO ONE, literally no one MAKES someone cum. A person can help, or hinder, but it’s not a magic ability or talent. It’s a learned thing that happens when BOTH people talk about it
That brings my second point: if you want something, say something. You HAVE to
I promise I’m not blaming you, his actions, or really the lack of them are ABSOLUTELY not ok. But you have to say something.
Best of luck
Newsflash: stop pretending. Put your foot down. Listen, would your man be cool w it if you never made him finish or touch him? Then why is it cool for him to just let you live like that.
Stop pretending. And stop giving him foreplay and sex, if hes not gonna even try. Put your foot down and tell him you want him to participate more , and then he needs to do you first. Like, if he has issues with oral then he should just say that. But even if it’s not oral per se theres other ways of foreplay
I struggled with this when i was 18. Now im way more upfront about it. If im not gonna finish im leaving i wouldnt even start a relationship w someone who didnt make me finish .
I’ve learned that a selfish lover is usually a selfish person. Your relationship is new enough that you might not have seen the “real him” yet, but to quote Samantha from Sex and The City “who we are in bed is who we are in life.” He’s selfish.
Stop pretending.
First of all, stop getting him off.
And when foreplay starts, tell him right then and there, give me oral. Finger me. I want you to make me cum.
Do not blow him. Don’t let him penetrate you. He needs to spend time on you.
And if he doesn’t want to, or does but he has a bad attitude, or seems bored or impatient, just break up.
Being in a relationship means communicating what you want. And leaving when it doesn’t happen.
YOU choose who you date. Choose wisely
You silly. Talk like human.
If you can’t communicate with him you shouldn’t be having sex with him
By god tell him what you want. Guys are stupid and superbad at mind reading.
Sit on his face. If he is lying there sit on his face while you suck him.
Tell him that you want him to finger your clit until you cum. Give him instructions how to do it while he is doing it. Guide his hands.
Communication is everything dont expect a guy to understand or know anything.
We are simple creatures and we usually like to please.
Dont tell him that he never made you cum, but he might realise the first time he succeeds. Nothing better than making your girl cum.
His fingers might start cramping but then its time to switch fingers.
Everyone’s saying he’s not a mind reader etc but why don’t men want to touch women? It feels so awful being with a man who won’t touch you. What makes my body so disgusting? Why do men think I’m disgusting? Why should I have to tell a man to touch me? It’s so embarrassing
Honestly, do you really want to go the rest of your life without getting orgasms? You need to talk to him. Show him what you like. Ask him if he would be comfortable doing certain things to you. It can be awkward but it seems like something that needs to be done.
25 is too old for him to be like that, grossed out by your body. if youve talked to him about it and hes made no changes then dump him and find a bf who actually cares about you enjoying sex
He says he’ll change, but he never does it on his own. From now on, only do to him what he does to you, see how quick he changes his behaviour.
This sounds similar to my ex, he didn’t reciprocate oral and he rarely used his hands (towards the end of our relationship he did start touching me slightly more, after it had been repeatedly been brought up as an issue, but still it did not feel anywhere near equal). The reasons he gave were partly that long foreplay in general just made him lose focus and start thinking about other stuff and lose his erection – he likely had ADHD which probably caused this – and specifically pertaining to oral sex he said he felt icky about bodily fluids in general. What confused me was that he did talk about doing it, like before we met up irl the first time (we were long distance) he sexted about performing oral, and he repeatedly talked about wanting me to sit on his face, so part of me started to worry that the fluid thing was just an excuse because he didn’t want to tell me the real reason. Nevertheless it made me develop anxiety around arousal to the point where when I felt myself get wet I felt gross and turned off.
Anyway, I’m not going to say this applies to your partner, but with my ex I concluded a lot of it just came down to selfishness. He was very selfish in non-bedroom situations too and the relationship overall felt like it was just for him rather than for both of us. I also realized he objectified women a lot so that’s probably at least part of why he wasn’t concerned with my experience, he basically treated me like a masturbation device (again, this did somewhat improve towards the end of our relationship and he even admitted when we broke up that he realized he was disgustingly selfish, but it never really got good).
I’d advise you to talk to him about it and figure out WHY he’s not doing certain things. Does he just forget in the heat of the moment because he’s too caught up in his own desires? Or does he have some sort of hang-up that needs to be addressed?
You have to not have piv sex or give him oral until he spends time on YOU first. Women just give in and go straight to piv and then it’s over for the man. He’ll get what he wants and the woman is left unsatisfied. Make sure you get what you want first.