We are told that as men build their lives they become more attractive to women. But what were those achievements (not becoming more confident by itself, which is important, but more the achievements that led to that) that you suspect changed your luck in dating – was it gaining muscle, a better job or something else entirely?

42 comments

  1. It was perspective. Once I hit my mid 30’s I stopped caring if women said no. I would just spend some of the time meeting new ones while dating others at the same time. It’s about allocation of resources. Too many men invest too much time getting that one girl to say yes. Instead of that I just made sure I had a date every night and eventually met the right one.

  2. I sat my ass down and finally stopped half assing.

    In the gym, in diet, in dressing, at the job, and so on.

  3. I got some wins under my belt career wise that helped with confidence.

    I also became better at living life wholeheartedly and accepting that it was okay if a woman wasn’t a good fit for me.

    Like, she may not like this next part, but it’s the reality, so let’s see how it goes.

    I also shed all the baggage from the toxic male dating advice about women wanting “alpha” and all that bullshit. Yes, that trash was around 20 years ago, too, and those men were wrong then, just like they are today.

  5. After 100 women say no, it’s expected rather than feared.

    “You wanna go on a date?”

    “No, sorry.”

    “See ya.”

    “Wait? That’s it?”

    “Oh, you’re that type. See ya.”

  6. Lol…I wasn’t the good times bro anymore. I started building my worth as a man. I have been with more desirable women after 35 ironically than before. But mostly because I don’t just care about having sex with them anymore just want the connection.

  7. Women got older 🤷🏼‍♂️ was more open to rejection, a no is a simply a motive to “keep going, until I get a yes”

  8. My buddy once told me…you have no money so you’re gonna need a better body.

    So I hit the gym like a beast.

    That’s what turned the corner for me.

    I later on got married and now have a son who can out lift me. It’s funny how life goes full circle.

  9. I suspect it was a few things that tended to happen around the same time (I’ll list them in order of what I consider most likely):
    1. Change of scenery. I was just not very socially well-adjusted, and it required a constant reshuffling of friends and circumstances to allow my brain to dig deep and find a new me that was more of a heartthrob and less of a self-conscious loser.
    2. Job and earnings. As a productive member of society, all men become immensely more attractive to women.
    3. My body filled out quite a bit around that age. I was always tall and broad-shouldered, but I looked more like a man starting around 25.
    4. My brain matured. I was less sensitive, less nervous, more capable of flirting, more learned, funnier, more quick-witted, more socially adjusted.
    5. Experience is the best teacher. You eventually learn what women like and what they don’t like. Do more of the former, less of the latter, and you’re good.

  11. I was unstoppable from 25-30. Then I fell in love and lost my relationship.

    Now it’s damn near impossible lol

  13. I was kinda a super dork..class clown…a stint in the military gave me confidence…but I’m not in a job that I talk to a large amount of people a week…dating comes easy to me now..I’m in my late 50s

  14. I changed, I stopped taking myself so seriously, stopped pretending I know everything and began to truly grow into a different more humble yet more secure person. Then everything changed.

  16. Ironically, and sadly; stopped treating them as kindly and appreciated them less than I did when I was younger.

  17. Well, around age 25 all the other guys started looking a lot worse.

    Suddenly, being in half decent shape, having a stable income, and not being totally batshit crazy was good enough for women.

  18. At 33 years old I lost 52 pounds of weight and 125 pounds of lunatic paranoid wife. Confidence and optimism had never been higher and dating was so much fun.

  19. Better job, gained muscle, got more dogs, better place, and better vehicle. At that age I also ventured out from the usual spots I would go to in college. You could say I diversified my portfolio

  20. Smile and laugh more, learn to really enjoy the fun of it, having no expectations, and it sounds corny but just being really in touch with who you are as a man

  24. Became self-confident and grew my career. Apparently, those are very attractive attributes

  25. My confidence surged. Traveled a lot for work, met a lot of different people, got better at adapting to different environments and attitudes. Also understood that I needed to listen and acknowledge the woman I’m talking to as a person, so definitely helped become a better person overall.

  28. Got divorced. Tried dating. Quit dating after a few really bad dates. Brother and his wife set me up with a friend of theirs without me knowing. Now she’s my wife.

  29. Got a career which gave me confidence.

    Also, stopped trying to hit on women and just started to be myself.

  30. So I have a potentially unique one.

    My dating life success hasn’t been getting dates and hasn’t been being in relationships, it’s been overcoming my fear of asking women out.

    I did it plenty in grades 1-12, worked up the courage and got rejected loads. Out in the adult world though, there’s a lot less convenience and you learn your high school strategies won’t work as well.

    For me it was 7 steps:

    1. This was something I figured out in middle school but still relevant: girls are people with preferences, I’m a person with preferences. Rejection is not to be taken personally. Dating is all just happenstance in terms of yes’s and no’s. Sure sometimes your asking/speaking methods could use tuning, but ultimately, if someone doesn’t like you in that way, it usually doesn’t mean you suck. Just didn’t work out. Stop thinking there’s something so fucked up about you or about women as a whole. It just didn’t work out, take your L and keep it pushing. When rejected, respond with a “ah no worries, well thanks for your time” and walk away. Sometimes women even change their mind because you handled it well, but don’t bank on it. You handling it well is for *you.*

    2. Stop using friendship as your means to asking women out. Friends to lovers can work but is usually for romance novels and rom coms.
    I refined my approach to:

    -Girl’s pretty

    -Find any common interest to start conversation or compliment something their wearing or their hairstyle (something they chose that looks nice)

    -Start a small conversation trying to find anything to relate over and elaborate on

    -Ask them out after a few minutes

    Saved me so much time and effort. Get to brass tacks sooner than later (with a healthy amount of time to give each other a glimpse into your personalities).

    3. Ask girls out UPON EXIT. Saves any awkwardness if the answer is no. Excuse yourself saying you have to go somewhere (even if you don’t but the time to ask is right), or when they’re about to leave.

    4. Being a hopeless romantic is a waste of time. You have the ability to determine the outcome and get an answer. Stop waiting for others to do it. Autonomy is key.

    5. Go to places that are social. You won’t find love behind your computer and watching TV. I’m a nerd so that meant conventions, meet ups about nerd shit, I’m also an artist so drawing in public, comic book shops, etc. Go to places where your kind of people would frequent publicly.

    6. The pain of regret hurts far more than any rejection. This was the turning point. Biggest thing that got me off my ass. I had a friend I was into and kept wanting to ask her out. Despite all the advice and lessons, my body still got VERY physically nervous. I wasn’t afraid of rejection, just afraid to ask. But those train rides home after seeing my pretty friend and not having popped the question were the longest of my life. When I finally asked her, the relief was immense. So just ask. You’ll sleep better with an answer even if it’s “no.”

    7. Keep asking. You get more comfortable the more you ask and “no” becomes less newsworthy. It takes practice like any other skill. Every ask is just an ask. Don’t expect a yes, expect that you’re trying something and seeing how it goes. The outcome is unknown. Get used to it. Don’t get caught up thinking she *will* say yes or no.

  32. I was over 30, my income hit six figures and women ~my age started thinking they could settle for me.

    Many of them were surprised to discover that I now prefer dating women in their twenties.

  36. Started seeing failure as the goal. 5 girls rejected me? Awesome! I can learn something from each. Feel nervous for that date? Great! If it blows up in your face that’s amazing feedback!

    This has worked wonders for me and as a bonus makes you much more bold which can be misconstrued for confidence

  37. Life experience, mostly.

    When I started seeing the same patterns amongst women, dealing with women became less novel, they became predictable.

    No more “butterflies in the stomach” feelings when I see a pretty girl. I just think to myself, “Hmm. She’s cute. Nice breasts. Butt. Vagina. Face. Lips. I like it”, and if they show interest in me, I go for it. If not, it’s usually not worth the time nor effort.

    I can see a cute girl, not care, see another, not care, and the next one be into me for some reason I usually can never make out for sure. It’s just, “You’re my type!” And I’m like, “Cool.

    I stopped caring about the outcome. I stopped “having regrets” for not approaching every woman I see I like, which is physically impossible and impractical.

    I, selfishly, focus on me – building my body, finances, enjoying my life, traveling, hiking and walking around barefoot and naked when I can.

    I eat a great diet and for 35, I’m constantly mistaken for 25. I dress very well/stylishly. I’m a very kind man towards women. Some will say, “I became an asshole/dick and I got laid”.

    Yeah. That never worked for me because when I tried that as a tactic, I wasn’t a very good “bad” guy, except only when necessary to set boundaries that were crossed or put some one in check for bad behavoiur. Other than that, walking around with a chip on my shoulder to attract women intentionally is stupid.

    I’ve never had to be a dick to women to date beautiful women. I did, however, had to be my true, authentic self, and I think that’s something that, for most men, come with age and experience in life and with women in general. You get more comfortble in your own skin, with your own company, and you don’t need anyone to be happy.

    So, what happens is, women start wanting to be apart of your world. They want to feel that confidence you have that many lack. They admire it, are in awe of it, and crave that strong, masculine presence. Then boom. Attraction. Without even me having to say a word (most times, outside of maybe, “Hey”).

  39. I became a yoga instructor. Women always liked me but the quality went up significantly. From 30-40 I had amazing sex with hundreds of women. Girls were recommending me to their friends it was wild.

  40. Women can sense desperation, its funny when we dont really want it the more we get it. When they sense the rejection in us they want the approval.

    But seriously i got better at articulating my feelings and thoughts as i got older.

  41. Stop caring or begging to be with someone. If they didn’t match my energy, then oh well. Set boundaries on what I want and will tolerate. Most importantly, work on myself and things that actually interest me.

    Also, dress in clothes that actually fit. If not, get stuff fitted. I also started making a bit more money, which I never flaunted, but knowing I could afford to take someone out somewhere nice if I wanted to is a huge confidence boost.

  42. I became more confident, had more experience, had more money, had more security, greater purpose, more developed in myself (hobbies, travel, etc.), and good at time management.

    You also stop letting your penis and ego guide your life less than it did before. Don’t get me wrong, it still has an effect, but you’re more able to control it.

    You also learn how to filter out people. If you’re lucky, you’ve already had your heartbroken, so you know that women aren’t perfect, but can be just as flawed, egotistical, irrational, petty, and bumfuck stupid as any guy while letting their pussy do all the talking. You learn to avoid those people for the most part.

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