For context, me and my husband have been married for a year, and are semi religious. On our honeymoon we got a massage from a female which I was okay with since we were in a secluded resort and she was the only one who did it there.
My husband planned a weekend trip with his friends this weekend to Las Vegas and LA, on this trip he hurt his back and was not able to turn his neck on the first day. Today he told me he was getting a massage and once he was done he messaged me, I asked if it was a female and he said yes but she was an older lady and it was only for his back because he couldn’t turn his neck and was in severe pain. Now previously we only get massages from the same gender except for our honeymoon, he said he asked for male and it wasn’t available. I asked for a receipt and researched the place and it’s a proper massage place. Now I am thinking he did something unfathomable and this could be the end of the marriage? I am having a hard time trusting him and wish he asked for my permission before doing it. Please help me in letting me know if I am in the wrong here for overthinking this
Edit: in the past we have gotten massages and I have told him I’m not okay with him using a female masseuse and I will not use a male so to me it’s not okay that despite us having this discussion he still did it. He didn’t ask me for my permission either if we had this boundary.
18 comments
It’s my opinion that you are overthinking. I’m a man and have had close to 100 massages by professional female masseuses in the US, Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Greece. Never was a boundary crossed. These people (most of the time) take their jobs seriously – as any professional should. Assuming he got his massage from a professional and not some parlor on the side of the road I’d think you are in the clear.
Are you OK? A masseuse is a professional. Do you typically judge people on their gender? Are you only allowed to have certain gender doctors too?
Has your husband been unfaithful or some other reason why you’re reacting like this? You sound unhinged about this.
I understand how you feel and I wouldn’t be thrilled with a male masseuse having their hands on my wife. But, that doesn’t mean they (your husband or my wife) did something wrong or that anything happened.
Gotta separate your feelings from your judgement of your partner. It’s perfectly okay to have insecurity. Just remember that it’s **your** insecurity, not his fault.
So just talk to him, but without any accusing or attacking or whatever.
Huuuh? I’m married (M) and we’re semi religious I get a massage from a female every 2 weeks. I think you need to take a hard look at how you’re reacting to this.
This situation does not sound nefarious. Especially because he only got the massage due to getting hurt. It can be hard to find a masseuse last minute.
I think you have some crazy jealousy issues you need to work on. My husband and I both get massages from females all the time, we prefer female masseuses. Never once would I think anything scandalous was going on. You shouldn’t create scenarios in your head about something so innocent with no history of cheating. It’s not healthy for you or the marriage.
Unless there’s a previous history of infidelity on his part…..your reaction is stratosphere levels of over the top.
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️I smell a troll
He got a massage from a woman… ok? And? What’s the big deal? If he got a physical from a woman doctor would you be freaking out like this too?
Lol poor guy.
I’m a man and I would feel really uncomfortable with a male masseuse. I know it’s not sexual but it’s strange to me to have a guy rubbing me. I don’t think I’ve ever had any sexual thought or moment at any massage that I’ve had. It’s not about that. Seems weird to be so threatened by it.
You asked him all of those questions? For real? Like, FOR REAL?
I think that’s all you need to know.
You’ve been married a year and there’s a level of distrust that would even require an ask about the gender of the masseuse?
I don’t know how you come back from that.
He’s in VEGAS and you’re worried about him getting a massage by a legit masseuse??? I think you may be worried about the wrong thing..
Omg, this sub. Seriously
I see that you keep bringing up the fact that you expressed your feelings about opposite sex massage therapists. You don’t mention his feelings on it, just what you also do, but I will give the benefit of the doubt there. Maybe that potential agreement would matter if it was just for fun and not acute pain, but I’m very surprised that his pain doesn’t matter more to you? Like, if he had the choice of a female masseuse or none at all, you would rather him not attempt to relieve the pain? Or did you just want a heads up call?
Either the husband wrote this or it’s a…
WTF? Slow down there Op. Your imagination is getting the best of you.
There is a HUGE difference between getting a massage for pleasure and getting a massage to help with muscle/tendon pain.
You’ve researched the place and found it to be a reputable business. This would lead me to believe that the female masseuse was nothing but professional. And your husband was probably in too much pain to care.
I wonder if your husband has given you reason in the past to have these doubts in your head.