Currently I am renting with roomates and he is living with his parents and contributing to their mortgage.
He doesnt have savings and expect me to move in with them in the future (by future I mean 4 or 6 years).
I am worried of friction that me moving in can possibly result to. His family is great. I have a great relationship with them considering I am there more than half of the week usually. But I’ve been told that it is recommended to live by ourselves than with parents after marriage- it brings the challenge of figuring things out with just us. If i were to just to accept simply moving in with them in the future- i don’t really know if it will work or not (hard to tell with dynamics- if we argue its a me vs them scenario). I proposed that I move in with them soon to test it out. He feels awkward asking his family which is understandable. But I don’t think i can wait 4 or 6 years before i find out that it wont work and find out that he wouldn’t move out with me. Honeslty, i don’t think he would even consider moving out for me since he wants to support his family… and it seems that his family comes first for him, considering that when we talk about future travel plans- he always tries to include them.
I’ve been trying to breach this topic since last year and it wasn’t till recently that I blatantly told him its a dealbreaker (me moving in and his financial habits- since he doesn’t save as much and have a loan to pay but buys things for his family). All of this has been sitting in my head and it just won’t go away.
He’s a great person and l am very much attached to him that when I see funny things my first instinct is to send to him and when i am bored I just call him for company. But at the same time I don’t want to have a future filled with arguments and fights on our financial incompatibility and me having to move out eventually if living with his family doesn’t work out.
I am waiting for him to respond after i raised my concerns to him (including other things). He’s brushing me off and acting cold to me right now. I guess my question is (while im waiting for his response), is this relationship worth persuing?
For reference: we’ve been together for over 4 years
3 comments
Nah not worth it. If after 4 years he can’t/won’t communicate with you about something that concerns y’all’s future then he’s not the one for you
I’d walk away from this relationship.
I’d never live with my inlaws. I wouldn’t ever live with my parents again either.
Don’t do it. It will never be your house, you will never have a say. You will be expected to pay for said house and bills for sure. Youve been together for 4yrs. You should absolutely have seen growth in your relationship and your partner in this time. Why would you be waiting another 4-6yrs for progression. That’s crazy. Don’t wait any longer. Your boyfriend has told you his intentions, believe him. He never plans on being independent from his parents. You are 25, get out now and live your life. You can absolutely find someone with the same goals you have.