I have a couple male friends/co-workers who say their wives/gfs almost never dress up or wear anything sexy for them, have all pretty much stopped sexting or sending nudes, and rarely initiates sex. Is this common?

44 comments

  4. It ranges from multiple times a day to one in half a year, really hard to say average.

  5. Pretty much zero here. Only time it’s different is if we are aware from home. Am tempted to decorate the bedroom so it looks like a Travellodge.

  6. Married 20+ yrs. Wife’s default is to never initiate. Though in the past there has been plenty of times where I won’t bother with it either. Eventually (within a couple days), she’ll start to ask me to do stuff to her, and I never decline. Only a hand full of times where she said f-it and had enough; got naked and just sat on my face till I took care of business. Have to admit, those were the hottest moments ever.

  8. Women do not generally understand that a man needs to feel desired. It’s a good idea to talk to you your partner your love language and how to make you feel desired. Men are regularly instructed to go out of their way to make their woman feel wanted and how – but women don’t always know men need that too. It’s easier to talk about if you are communicating to your partner in her love language (words of affirmation, touch, acts of service, gifts, and I think there are two others)

  9. About 3 times. Sometimes it’s really seductive, like I get into bed and she’s already naked. Other times it’s a little blunt: “My period is due in a day or two. You can do me.”

  10. 3 years here and GF has almost never initiated in the last year or so. Sometimes it’s incredibly frustrating because I can tell she is waiting for me to and sure, fine, but do I have to be the one to kick things off 100% of the time?

  11. Been married 39 years. She has never dressed up and only wore something sexy once. Initiate sex? You’ve got to be kidding

  12. Never, I usually just put my hands down her pants and it starts it off.

    We’ve talked about it too. And she always conveniently forgets. W/e, she just permits to use her body. She never dresses up sexy either.

  13. So every so often my girl will turn and say something like “babe will you lick my booty?” Or “baby will you some give me some licks?” Or well be cuddling and she’ll reach and grab my balls or grip my dick. When she wants to give head it’s a whole another level of dick sucking than if I ask for it… so I would say 3-5x a month she’ll start the sexy time tonight…. It was important to me to find a woman who is very sexual even slutty because I been in relationships where the girl makes sex a chore and I’ll never do that again…

  14. Zero. We’ve talked about it. It’s still zero. The last time she tried was in October 2021. Yes, I remember that.

  15. Daily. Sometimes multiple times a day.

    She’s insatiable, and as a 40 year old man, I am sated fairly easily.

  17. Almost never. I’ve even had this discussion with her several times. Women take a note if you value your relationship with your significant other.

  18. 4 yrs, wife initiates about 2 or 3 x a week if i havent. So maybe 40% of the time.

  19. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she has started the seduction ritual. They were all when we were trying for kids. This is Very common. It seems that, regardless of the effort put in by men, women stop giving a shit about physical intimacy and its initiation once they have the marriage license.

  20. My wife (10+ yrs) never “dresses sexy”. But she initiates about as often as I do. Which is a couple times a week. Her sexy dressing is just stripping down to bra & panty & start verbally seducing me or just walk over & get handsy. She also enjoys sexting me during the day when she’s feeling frisky. And it’s pretty common for her to be blunt about wanting me to thigh dive, finger her to orgasm or go toys on her. I can’t complain at all.

  23. 2 or 3 times a year, but I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal since she usually tells me verbally that she’s in the mood and just waits for me to get things going.

    I wouldn’t say she has low drive, but sex just isn’t at the forefront of her mind unless she’s reading porn or something hormonal is happening.

  24. 2-3 times a week. The other bit is me initiating. We have been together for 7 years and married for 1 so the honeymoon phase was over awhile ago. We are both trying to be more spontaneous in initiating. It takes a little bit of work to keep the flame going dudes.

  25. One of my ex from a few years ago used to initiate all the time. Clothes role-play the whole nine yards. It was wonderful and we’re together for awhile never did keep our hands off each other.

    Few girlfriends and years later did not understand how rare that was and no one has done it since.

  26. 33yo here…we both WFH and my girlfriend will shower and get ready, then only wears a sheer robe. That’s it.

    Then if I’m in a meeting and she isn’t, and it’s not one I’m running… she’ll just sit on me and wiggle around.

    She’s 4 years older than me and looks 10 years younger than me…it’s kind of hard to concentrate around her when I can basically see through her robe all day. Lol.

    But the caveat to that is that we live in different cities 5hrs apart so this isn’t an every day thing (unfortunately), so I’m guessing that also plays a part in her shenanigans.

    We’ve been together 3 years and this hasn’t changed since day one. I’ll grab her butt or something while she’s making breakfast and then go to my office to work, but it’s basically game over for the next hour because she immediately walks in and jumps me.

  27. I’m old, fat and been married over 40 years. Wife initiates sex about every 10 days or so. I told her when we married that I have a high sex drive and told her that I hoped hers would keep up with me. Always has.

  29. And they wonder why men get the idea women don’t like sex. It’s this right here.

  30. Fairly oftenish…. Looking at this thread looks like I may have gotten lucky *fingers crossed* … it also helps that we both love to please each other… also I think her drive is higher then lol

  31. What does “actively seduce” mean? My partner of 14 years has never put on a nighty, while standing in the doorway, tracing her nipples with chocolate covered strawberries yet we have sex weekly. That kind of “bad romance novel” seduction isn’t interesting to either of us.

    On the other hand, “go put some peanut butter in the dog’s Kong, while I brush my teeth, and I’ll meet you in the bedroom” takes place often. I’m not sure that’s considered seduction but it sure is effective.

  32. All the God damn time. She doesent have anything non revealing that she wears at home around me. And now that’s she’s away to see her family, she sends me nudes every day. And 90% of me loves it, but the other 10 is still trying to work through the day, meet clients, make money. I don’t even check her texts when I’m around people just so I don’t have to hide a boner during a meeting.

  34. All the time. She actually initiates more than me as I don’t get horny that often because of my antidepressants unless something causes me to. It’s one of the many reasons I want to marry her. It’s great and it makes me feel wanted and desired by my partner for the first time in my life.

  35. Most days or nights. She says let’s go fuck, and I say ok. I’m easy to seduce.

  36. About once a month she dresses up in lingerie for me (and initiates). Thought that was low until I saw these other comments…

  37. My wife drops hints that a lot of times I’m too dense to pick up on. Even with 2 going on 3 kids, it’s not all the time, but when she’s not miserable (pregnancy complications recently) it’s usually at least once or twice a week. With kids though, it’s a lot more planned which sometimes hurts the mood you get with spontaneity.

  39. 4 year relationship, asking her to marry me soon so maybe it’ll slow down some more but even then I’d be fine.

    She initiated our relationship, then the first year or so she initiated like 2-4 times a week, around the same amount as me. We have a 2 year old now, and we both have lows where all we do is work, housework, and baby stuff where we go a week or so without anything… But that’s a mutual we’re both burnt out thing not that one of us is going without, and it doesn’t happen often. Even then if the other is in the mood we’re both into handies and I don’t think we’ve ever turned each other down unless we literally didn’t have enough time.

    She usually still initiates 1-3 times a week, same amount as me still. I already knew we had a great sex life but this thread definitely enforces that.

    Marriage might change things, only time will tell..
    But uhm… She’s said some very… Descriptive and seductive things that makes me think that won’t be the case. We’re into some kinky shit ok?

  40. If by seduce you mean when she says “nookie tonight?” I’d say about twice a month.

    It actually went up after I stopped bringing it up. Go figure.

  41. I feel I’m in the minority here. We’ve been together ten years and we still make efforts for one another.

    We’re very playful – we once realised she still fits into her prom dress (16 years after the event!!) so I put a suit on and acted like I was coming to take her to prom… stuff like that.

    Sometimes, she’ll come home from work, hop straight into the bathroom and come out in something sexy. Sometimes, she’ll come in and I’ll have made dinner and be dressed up and have created a themed evening (our favourite was an American diner themed one where I turned the corridor into a bowling alley, bought a mini golf set from Amazon, and I bought those red American cups for beer pong.)

    We like to just keep playing. There’s no reason to stop being boring just because we’re in our thirties!

  42. This thread is depressing af. Maybe y’all are in shitty relationships or maybe men really do have to do it all

  43. Wife and I have been together for 5 years, married for 1. I’m usually the one to initiate but she does on some rare occasions.

    The BIGGEST THING when it comes to having more sex or wanting your wife/gf to initiate more is to work on consistent connection with her. Instead of sitting and watching tv all night just talk to one another, play a game, go for a walk, touch and cuddle.

    The more you connect the closer you will become and the more intimacy you will build.

  44. As a cyber security guy here, I strongly advise against sending nudes at any point.

    My wife and I have 4 young kids, but we still have sex 2-4 times/wk. Usually it’s me initiating, but she initiates often enough that I feel loved.

    As for dressing up, that’s maybe 2-3 times per year. We don’t often have time to do a whole thing. But when she does do it, it’s unprompted

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