Lately I’ve been hung up with a liking towards an online friend who makes pretty much little to no effort for me compared to the effort I put into talking to her and such. I recently told her that I like her a few weeks ago but she told me she didn’t know what to say because she never dated before, but she was happy I told her. She is somewhat shy however which could be a reason why maybe she doesn’t try to make much effort to talk to me? but I don’t know? She has been talking a bit lesser as of late but could be busy with other stuff? I just wish I could seriously get on with my life and forget about her, but I see and sometimes interact with her in various groups I’m in online so it’s impossible to just avoid her. I also am not really in contact with many other girls as I don’t get to go out places very much so just meeting other girls which is the common advice is out of the question, and other online female friends or acquaintances I know are either taken or we don’t really talk to each other too much for me to consider asking them out yet or anything. I don’t even know why I’m so obsessed with wishing to date someone? I guess because I want someone who I can talk to a lot and about anything and do nice little things for each other or do things with them like people who like each other tend to do.
I have other online friends who when I talk to them it’s easier to think less about the girl I like, but when I’m not talking to anyone, or if I see something that reminds me of her, or if I see that she’s online, the constant thoughts about her come back. This has happened various times to me before whenever I had crushes on someone, I get way too attached to them and think about them all day long, trying too hard to become even closer to them and such but they don’t seem to ever feel the same about me or equally invest in our interactions and it sucks, almost none of my interactions happen naturally or mutually, it always seems I have to put nearly all the effort in while the girl doesn’t really put any effort. I never had a serious gf before and I am 23 years old with bad social anxiety and am on the autism spectrum so I don’t really pick up on social cues too well and am really shy especially in person, nor am I great with relating to most women due to my odd interests. I did briefly date someone I met online for a few months last year but I ended things due to country and language differences among other reasons but are still friends.
What should I do to get my mind off this crush? I really want to move on.
3 comments
It’s the psychology of wanting something you can’t have. A lot of people go through it.
Focus on yourself. As cheesy as it may sound, focusing on your finances, exercising, finding a hobby, learning a new skill or even spending time with friends and family to help you get distracted will help. Don’t talk about it and block them on social media.
TLDR : Have a rapport for yourself, now matter how you think you make it, and don’t chase results, chase journeys and excellence. Plus, divert your mind if you need to for a bit while, till you think, yes now I can sit with my vault of thoughts, in a non judgemental manner…
Hey man, I’d like to advise you what spontaneously comes to my mind, alright…
Diversion of mind is the first thing you’d like to award yourself with it… Its not the 80s romance that you’ll focus on her and she’ll be yours, I guess that wasnt even the 80s…
Introspect and progress on what makes you datable, what is the respect and ‘companionship’ you have in your own field of view… If you feel you don’t have or have less of it in your own eyes, don’t sweat it, dont digress, work on it, for yourself… Not for anyone else but you, If you have a goal, you can rull like a horse, but if you have a field to charge on, you’ll be the bull, taking out the red flags like a boss you already are, just hidden inside your shell you’ve create, it might sound harsh but OK…
View it as a game of chess alright, you are under so much pressure and stuff that you make a shit move you dont realize unless it proves itself to be one, but if you are spectating that move and somebody else makes that mistake, you might point it out instantaneously. That’s what it is…
If she is not retaliating the efforts, chances are she won’t until she feels you’re kinda out of her league (leagues are not just looks), or she won’t. Why does this reply seem like work on yourself though…
Anyway, if she doesn’t respond, someone else will, its an endless grind, not some job that you’ll work your ass off and get the salary after the jobs done or at the month end, get it now, or you’ll already learning it the harder way.
I think it stems on your psychology where you are attracted to people who you want to please, basically it’s called a people pleasing behavior. You tend to like people easily even if you don’t know them really well as long as they show you some interest like they talk to you a bit and you feel like they know you very well, you tend to like them easily. But, when they say something you don’t like you tend to push them away as if you tell yourself damn I’m wrong to have like this person.