30f just moved in with my longterm bf 31m 3 months ago. I noticed he forgets to lift the seat when he pees and forgets to wipe. But lately because hes a bigger dude the way he fits on the seat i guess his butt is too big and hes getting shit all over the back of the toilet seat.

We keep fighting about it because when i ask him to come clean it he starts yelling saying “it was an accident, dont be a nagging bitch” but this “accident” keeps happening. We had this big fight over it 2 times already where we are yelling and screaming at eachother.

He doesnt even wash his hands after he poops. He hasnt brushed his teeth since may and he doesnt do any other cleaning around the house.

We just bought this house together so its a little more complicated than just leaving but what can i do to help him care about his hygiene and the cleanliness of the house?

38 comments

  3. Accept that he doesn’t care. There’s nothing you can say that will change it.

    If you’ve decided not to leave, then this is what you’ve chosen to live with.

  4. Just be grateful you’re not married and start focusing on your exit plan.

  5. Maybe you should take him to a dog trainer, they’ll have better answers than us.

  7. Please don’t procreate with someone who refuses to get potty trained. I know this isn’t helpful at all. I’m sorry 😞 but you have to decide if you are willing to live with this for the rest if your life. He’s not going to change.

  9. Please stop gentle parenting your adult partner. Stand up girl that’s so nasty😭

  10. Dig a real big hole in the backyard and tell him that until he’s able to use the potty like a grown up, he can only use the hole in the backyard.

    Also the hole in the backyard is for people who don’t wash their hands, brush their teeth, or contribute to the cleanliness of the house.

    He lives there. In the poop hole.

  11. Unfortunately, I’ve found that when dating people, their cleaning (or lack thereof) habits are so deeply engrained in their minds, it’s almost impossible to get them to change.

    This is the way he was raised. It has been how he is for his entire life. Chances are he isn’t going to change now. It will only eventually eat away at y’alls relationship until you can’t take it anymore.

  12. Please just say it was a joke🤦🏻‍♀️ How did this man not die from lack of hygiene untl this age?

  13. Tell him you are gonna drop him off at his moms house to finish raising him. He is not house broke yet.

  15. Wow, you bought a house with someone who hasn’t brushed his teeth in almost two months? Who also doesn’t clean the house or himself? Who poops on the toilet seat and leaves it? You won’t even find a cleaner willing to deal with that repeatedly, not to mention what are you supposed to use? Your man is gross, and I’m sorry you’ve settled for that. If it’s too “complicated” to leave, I’d suggest immediate marriage counseling. His behavior is abnormal.

  16. When I do something by accident that causes a mess that I didn’t notice at the time, do you know that I do when someone points out out to me?

    I go clean the mess.

    Sure there are logistical issues (you can get bigger toilets), but he didn’t lift to pee, so I don’t think that’s it… I think he just doesn’t care.

    He didn’t have ANY respect for you. He thinks YOU should clean his shit with your hands and you should just take that as par for the course.

    If you wanted a toddler, you’d have one.

  17. Dont marry, dont get pregnant. This is not the end, a house can be sold.
    Seriously. This dude aint it. Yikes.

  21. Every day on this sub I get sadder and sadder at what people tolerate from a relationship. You’re dating a 30 year old toddler who doesn’t know how to brush his teeth or wipe his shit off the toilet. And you are okay with this? I really hope you leave him. He will not change.

  22. I have said this many, many times, to my soon-to-be ex. If you have had a conversation about the same thing 3 separate times and it keeps happening, your SO isn’t respecting you, your perspective, time, or feelings, unfortunately. One time, it’s a mistake. The second time, maybe it’s a whoops, won’t let it happen again. After three times or more, this is who he is and he isn’t going to change. If he isn’t listening to you or being considerate of your time and effort (Im assuming to clean it up but also have to experience it), Im sure he is doing it in other areas.

    But women, as a whole, can we stop dating grown ass men that are at the mental capacity of a 9 year old? Like, who doesnt wash their hands or ass or at the very least WIPE their ass after showering. And youre having sex with this man??? Come on girl.

  23. I refuse to believe actual humans allow other people to touch and kiss them without brushing teeth or washing.

    Not brushing for one day makes your breath absolutely stink. Since may?

    I am gagging at this post.

  24. Girl. If the bar is on the floor, there is no need to grab a shovel and dig a hole for it. Please read what you wrote here. Do you really want to talk with a grown ass adult about him leaving poop behind? That’s fucking disgusting!

  26. Ok so he:
    1. Forgets to lift the seat when peeing
    2. Forgets to WIPE
    3. Sh!ts on the SEAT and doesn’t even clean it
    4. Calls you a B!tch
    5. Screams at you
    6. Doesn’t WASH HANDS after toilet time
    7. Doesn’t brush teeth at all for a MONTH
    8. Doesn’t do ANY housework

    And I got all that from this small post. I’m hoping and praying that this is satire, but if it is not, why are you staying with a 30 y.o. with the hygiene habits of a toddler? I know adulting is hard, but that’s really basic stuff. And he doesn’t even see that there’s a problem?

    Edit: Also the fact that he even does pee standing up at home could be seen as unhygienic. I know that a lot of men do it and a lot of people see it as acceptable, but there’s still a layer of dirtiness to it. Also I noticed that he didn’t brush his teeth for almost TWO months not one.

  28. Do you assume that all “bigger dudes” just can’t help but to shit on the toilet seat? Ridiculous and fucking nasty. Not to mention the way he talks to you.

    Have a shred of respect for yourself and dump this disgusting loser.

  29. I am 6’4″ and 250lbs, and I don’t shit on the toilet seat.

    To everyone besides OP – this is why you live with someone for a while before buying a house or getting married. You need to KNOW these things before you commit further.

  31. What in the actual fuck? This is the second topic with a partner who has absolutely disgusting hygiene.

    Who cares if it’s an accident? He needs to clean up after himself. It’s not complicated.

    I really hate weaponizing sex, but there is no way you can be turned on by someone who doesn’t brush his teeth. Tell him that. Besides just being unattractive, it’s also very bad for his health.

    It’s really unfortunate you bought a place with this person before you’re married and before you truly know him…..

  32. This has to be a fake post. As if you wouldn’t have noticed literal shit on a toilet seat after the first night you spent with this man, and that he is so reactive and a complete arsehole, and then you decide to make a life changing decision and buy a house with him???

    I’m sorry, but actions have consequences, there is no way you were 100% in the dark on his behaviour before you bought a house with him.

    If this were me, I wouldn’t even argue. I’d get that house on the market ASAP, find a friend who will let me crash on their couch, and dump this loser.

  33. This has to be rage bait. There is no self-respecting adult that would put up with this abject lack of hygiene and respect.

  34. #*You deserve more out of a partner than someone who doesn’t know how to use the bathroom without making a mess, doesn’t clean up their mess should they make one, doesn’t wash their hands, and doesn’t brush their teeth.

    You’re 30. You’re old enough to know better. Get yourself into therapy and work on your self esteem and your standards for a relationship.

  36. Ma’am. You are telling us you *purchased a home* with someone who has not brushed his teeth since May. You have bigger problems than the toilet. Do you know that being single is also an option foe your life? Like you can actually raise your standards and maybe meet someone who brushes his teeth not once *but even twice* a day?

  37. You say he’s a long term boyfriend. I’m guessing that means years? How were you not aware of his hygiene, or lack there of, before moving in with him? Did you never visit his place before deciding to buy a house with him? Did you never spend the night with him? You never noticed his bad breath and dirty hands? Or that his place was filthy? Or notice maybe an unusual amount of UTIs or vaginal infections from his unwashed fecal contaminated hands touching you? Sounds like you’ve been living with blinders on until now.

  38. I find solace in the fact my standards will NEVER be this low. 🤢🤮

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