When we started dating, I was very different to who I am now. I don’t know exactly how but I know I’ve changed. She always tells me my energy is off or I don’t react the same way I used to or I’m not the same and I always brush it off because I don’t want here to lose interest. I love her so much and I know she loves me and always tells me that this wont make her lose feelings, but I know with time it will and Im not ready to get my heart broken. I have been trying my best and putting in so much effort and its just not good enough because she suddenly says, ”you don’t give me the same energy and it hurts”. At this point I am hurting her just by being myself? I genuinely do not know what more I can do to please her so I spoke to her about it today. She told me she wants to help me and she doesnt care how much it hurts her. I begged her to understand that this doesnt need one of us to be hurt and all I want is for you to communicate what hurts you so I can fix it. She kept insisting and now I dont know how shes planning to help me but shes on it apparently. I dont want her to leave me and I dont want to leave her, the emotions run deep and its not that easy. I see my future with her and she sees hers with me. I am never vulnerable to her but after this talk I felt so vulnerable and so weak. I don’t want her to view me as less because of this vulnerability and weakness i’ve shown by communicating about how afraid i am of what im changing to be and what it might do to us and how i dont want it. Please help me.
4 comments
That word, “energy,” gets on my last fucking nerve. It’s used entirely too much these days as this catch all term to describe who a person is or what they’re doing, but riddled with ambiguity. If she can’t pinpoint what it is you’re doing differently or who you’ve become that isn’t jiving with her, then chalk it up to growing apart and move on. If you waste anymore time trying to figure out what you already know – you’re not the same person anymore, and she isn’t either most likely – you’ll both be kicking yourselves later. Just agree to stay friends and dip. Do the thing you couldn’t do as long as she was in the picture.
First, she has communicated to you what she sees as issues. You are avoiding confronting what she is saying by continuing to ask her to communicate her issues when she has. Understandibly, the deflection and circular conversation is frustrating her.
If you have changed or are changing, and it is causing you to seem less interested in her and your life together, then that is something you have to help yourself with.
First, is this what is happening? You are not denying it in your post and seem to confirm you are changing, so you need to be asking yourself why. That is something you have to figure out, whether it be on your own personal time or through getting some therapy.
You need to get to a point of understanding why you are changing and being able to communicate these reasons to her.
You are either expecting her to do the work for you (impossible and unfair) or accept that you cannot communicate with her (unreasonable and unfair).
age?
You may be dealing with depression. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable with the person you love. Maybe you come from a culture that views depression and vulnerability as signs that you are less of a man. If you want to keep this relationship you’re going to have to let her help you.