Am I (F30) overreacting to my husband (M30) of 3 years phone calls?

31 comments

1. Talk to him. You both are partners so I am hopeful he will be truthful to you.

2. Do you want to stay with a cheater.

3. Paranoia

4. You go through phone call history. Wow. There’s way more underlying problems in the relationship beyond what this post describes.

5. I don’t think you’re overreacting.

   I think how you choose to handle it is important.

   I don’t know if you’re asking for advice but I believe it’ll come out of you one way or another in your actions or mood or mistrust. I’d think it’s best to handle head on, but level headed. If you try too hard to pretzel your feelings they can burst. If you attack too aggressively you could resist learning the truth or you could be considered difficult to share difficult topics with. A double edged sword I know I’m not saying to be complacent. But always being respectful helps beget the same.

6. I’d definitely be talking to him

7. I find it strange & certainly worth asking about.

8. I think your husband is a liar, a cheater and has proven he can’t be trusted. Now you have proof that he is emotionally cheating at a minimum. Why are you still with him?

9. I’d sit back for a few days and not alert him. Then I’d go through his phone. Is she in under her name? Are they messaging somehow?

   The fact that he isn’t telling you about her and the calls is a red flag. I’d be looking for others especially since he’s done this before.

   I’m sure you know what an emotional affair is. This is how they begin.

10. This is why I’d rather be single. After being cheated on, I just don’t think I have the energy or patience to go through phones and deal with those high alert feelings. If l see you moving suspicious, I’ll move accordingly too. I’ll ghost you and leave you with divorce papers without even a word. I’m not forgiving shit!

11. Take time to write down your thoughts and questions you may have. When you ask him about it, begin with something like “hey, can we talk about something serious that’s been weighing on me? I don’t want you to feel ambushed, I just want to get this off my chest.” Ask why he felt he had to hide this relationship. Ask if his college friend knows about you and your relationship with him. And make sure you keep calm, men love to deflect, defend themselves, and diminish our concerns. Don’t let him. If this is a relationship you want to fight for, make sure he feels the same way…you don’t want to be the only one working on your relationship. Trust me. It hurts

12. Yes definitely confront him.

    IMO you should introduce yourself to this woman he’s talking to.

13. Could it be he told you a white lie because you would overreact if you knew it was a girl? Could be nothing just phone calls doesn’t seem like enough evidence of infidelity. Does he know you have trust issues and snoop his phone already? If not idk if this warrants a reveal that you are snooping. Maybe ask him to always share location data on his phone if you’re worried?

14. So you have a problem, well more than one – you know one of them is your husband and your lack of trust in him.

    You give hints, but never actually say that he has ever done anything wrong, lots of people are assuming that his previous texts were cheating, so are assuming that his phone calls are as well.

    You bigger problem is that you are (regardless of if it is valid or not) insecure, controlling, snooping and sneaking around – none of that is healthy for you or your relationships – this one or any future relationships.

    So decide if you can be in a relationship with your husband (with the lack of trust, I say no) either divorce or couples counselling.

    And then get yourself some individual therapy to work through your issues.

15. Call the woman or call your husband and ask him why he is phoning another woman? Tell him it is disrespectful to your marriage, and it needs to stop.

16. Telling a lie is never a good thing. To me if you’ve caught a lie, confront it.

17. He is texting other women and on secret hour long phone calls multiple times a week. Girl you know what’s going on here

18. You are snoopy

19. hmm i guess in this situation its either better to live with it or leave because you kknow what he is doing

20. Save the number in question and just be aware for now, maybe check up on his socials

21. I don’t think your over reacting at all.. talk to him, say have you heard from ( hername) lately? Or just point blank, why are you hiding the fact your in contact with (hername) again..

    Because talking to her on his commute home only and not mentioning to you is very suspicious

22. Oh honey. You know the truth here.

23. If he lied to you it’s worth confronting

24. This is already an unhealthy relationship. He is secretive and hiding things from you, and you are suspicious and invading his privacy to investigate.

    Regardless of the truth (whether he is cheating or not), this is not what a loving, trusting relationship looks like.

25. I’d see him calling her and lying to you about calling a male friend as a red flag.

26. I don’t necessarily tell my wife if I talk to other women. I have a few female friends who sometimes need to talk to me about things in their lives. I don’t ever tell someone else about what was being said. My wife may ask, but I only tell her that “she needed to talk”.

    If she would doubt that, I’d ask her “remember how we met?”. I don’t ask her who she talks to or about what. Respect goes both ways. If there’s something I can share, I’ll do that. Same with her.

27. Why are you combing the phone bill?

28. Yeah, talk to him about it to get peace of mind if nothing else. However when I caught my hubby calling someone after I went to bed on his phone records, he denied anything inappropriate. The number then stopped showing up on his phone bill. Then it turns out he was calling her from pay phones (and they were hard to find). He probably had a secret cell phone. Eventually I uncovered this “friend” and him had a years long affair and he thought her child was his. DNA that I insisted on as a minimum proved otherwise, lucky for him. We separated and he stopped talking to her after she took him to court for child support but lost because my husband lived with her and the real father who lived in another country had been paying her support all along, but with three small kids we went through marriage counseling and after a long, psinful road reconciled.

    Anyway, bottom line is trust your gut.

29. She might have had something happen that she wants to rant/talk about, like a death in the family or something. He may be her sounding board to let it all out. He might not have said something to you cos he might feel its not his place to say about it

30. Secret phone calls to a woman from his past at times when you can’t see or hear him, combined with the fact that he had not mentioned being in touch with her to you? You’re not wrong in interpreting these red flags for what they are. He doesn’t get to have the flirtatious fun of a single man and the comfort of a home cooked meal from his wife at the same time.

    Sit back and get yourself squared away. Don’t let him know you know, get your ducks in a row and surprise him with the paperwork just like he surprised you with those texts and call logs. You deserve to spend your life with someone who would never even *think* about doing either of those things while married to you. Not this clown who will do nothing but wear down your self esteem, bring doubt into your life, and make you miserable in the long run.

31. I have no clue why some women have cheating husbands ..
    I never thought of going through my husbands stuff. I just never felt I needed to 🤔..