Online interactions don’t feel as real and they don’t feel the same as in person. I try to fix my personality because it’s absolute dogshit but I always seem to go back to my default self. I wish I could really feel a connection the way I used to but nomatter what even if I do talk to people I still never feel any different or as if the experience is real enough. I ruminate and brood over how I wish I could be special so I would be more wanted. It doesn’t matter really though because nonatter what people say I can never seem to feel any different. I know I need to love myself but if I don’t need anyone but myself why do I have to have the biological programming to seek out human connections if I don’t need them? It’s useless. Feeling a craving for connection when I know all I need is myself and my own love towards myself is like feelings hunger when you know you don’t need food but it’s still there and you still want the food. Why would I need to think about food or have any desire to ear or have any stomach pangs of hunger if it was completley useless and just for the purpose of suffering. I logically KNOW I shouldn’t be lonely and I shouldn’t seek external validation and that I’m the only constant in my life and I keep having people tell me to just “love myself”. Loneliness is a useless human emotion when I logically know people aren’t food or water. Knowing that I don’t need people to make myself feel loved makes interacting with people feel all the more pointless because why do I even bother trying to get approval I know no one can give me? It’s like trying to pour in a cup with a hole. Its never enough. I’m never satisfied.