I’m 30 and have always been very shy and awkward. That is, to the point that it is debilitating. I have worked at this current job for 6 years and I cannot even approach my own boss and managers.
It’s holding me back. It’s made me shrink back in to my own little corner and not do what I need to do. It has affected me socially, emotionally, and even financially.
I don’t want to be some super charismatic guy. But I need more than this. What do I do? Where do I start? How do I just stop being shy?
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I’m gonna state the obvious, but… **practice makes perfect**. We become good at something, or at least decent, if we do it often. But the trick here is to have something close to a plan.
There’s plenty of stuff you can do, but I’m gonna give you one of my fav tips. When I was obnoxiously shy, I used to make mental lists of the people who surrounded me on a daily basis, from “less intimidating” to “more intimidating”, and approach them in that order. You can be objective about the reasons that make you more or less comfortable around one specific person, or simply trust your gut, but the thing is to start with the less intimidating person to you, and work your way down until you’re satisfied and decide to stop. Having a “target” helps a lot, makes you feel safe and in control.
Once I had someone I wanted to approach I tried to do it in the most natural way possible, maybe in some situation where an exchange of any kind wouldn’t look that weird. In your case it depends cause I don’t know your environment, but it’s a matter of observing a bit. I would maybe tell you to start practicing with your co-workers, cause you kinda know them.
For me, those social exchanges I forced myself to do were so simple. Sometimes I didn’t even speak, a smile or a nod or any other friendly signs of aknowledgement were enough to make others smile back. Other times a word or a funny remark if I was able to muster some courage (once in a blue moon, don’t obssess over that). It didn’t always work, sometimes it was awkward as fuck, but the idea is to look more approachable. *And it has to be gradual*.
You don’t have to do all the hard work yourself, just enough for others to start seeing you in a specific light, cause sooner or later, if you seem slightly more open, people will unconsciously pick up on the fact that you can be addressed. If you want to improve your social skills, it’s better to be perceived as reserved but dorky, than reserved and cold.
Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t make constant progress or if something doesn’t go as planned. You’re showing interest in improving yourself, and that’s already more than enough.
Sorry for the long ass answer, hope it makes at least a bit of sense and you can find something useful in it.