Husband was beating me and in defense I scratched his face to get away. It left a large gash. He works and I am a stay at home parent. I have bruises but since I don’t work, nobody saw them. He said that everyone at work was commenting on his gash. He said the dog scratched him. he told me that he could tell people didn’t believe him. I feel like people will think that I am the abuser when it really is him.

39 comments

  1. I’m so sorry. Please leave this relationship and call the police. Is there someone you can stay with? Are there children involved?

    Please document everything- pictures of your marks, texts, etc.

  2. Get out now.

    I know those words are easier to type than actually do. This will not get any better and will only continue to escalate. If you need help finding resources in your area, please let me know. We can find them.

  3. Get out now. This is very much the attitude of an abuser . He will push you and then hold over how he could get everyone to agree that you are the abuser.

    You need to leave and get yourself to safety

  4. When you are ready, contact a domestic violence advocacy organization near you. They will help you create a safety plan.

  5. There is a statistic that a man Choking a woman once means her chances of dying BY HIS HANDS go up by like 40%. Or whatever I don’t know the exact percent but I’m sure somebody here can correct me. No percent is worth staying.

  6. Please leave him. I know it’s hard to walk away from someone you love, but the abuse will continue to get worse. You deserve better.

    I’m not sure if you have kids, but staying in the relationship will unintentionally set an example for them that abuse is ok. If you can’t walk away for yourself, walk away for them.

    Stay safe.

  7. WTF you are posting about HIS injury when you are the one being abused? Call the domestic violence people, take the kids and get out!

  8. I have been furious at my wife. And you know what I didn’t do?

    Choke her.

    If you’re worried about evidence, just kick your cell phone recorder on, and bait him into admitting it as the scratch marks fade. Ultimately, though, unless you’re into choke sex, why would you want to be with someone who chokes you? The reason it’s the abuser’s go-to is because you need to breathe … pretty much all the time. Controlling your very breathing is the ultimate control. Which is what the abuser really wants.

    So, do you want to be with an abuser? Or do you want – in 35 years of misery – to finally pull out one of his guns when he moves towards you in an argument, shoot him fucking dead, get charged with murder, and then have to hire me to plead battered person’s syndrome in a Hail Mary for clemency from prison after an adulthood of hell?

  9. My ex husband did this to me and almost killed me. Please, please get out. Please. I’m begging you. He is going to kill you eventually.

    Find someone you trust, tell them everything, take photos of your wounds and bruises. Start moving stuff out little by little – essentials that you and your kid(s) need. Find somewhere safe with someone you trust.

    I HAVE BEEN THERE. it is scary and it overwhelming but you can do it. You have to to save your life. Please sweet OP, trust me on this.

  10. Hi! Message me and I can help you get in contact with shelters and non-profits who help victims of domestic abuse. You might not realize it, or you do and this is a cry for help, but you are in a very dangerous situation right now. **If you are thinking about leaving, do not say anything until after you’re gone. Do not act anyway outside of the ordinary or give him any reason to suspect you’re getting your affairs in order.**

    I *highly* recommend organizing your important documents in a way, passport, original copy of your birth certificate, social security card etc. that you can grab them and gtfo of there if you don’t have time to properly plan.

  11. Get out now is the best advice. But if you stay, photograph every bruise or scratch and send the photos to a friend. Save the images somewhere he can never find. But honestly, you need to get out before he kills you.

  12. R/ebbie45 has resources to help you get out of domestic violence situations.

    Victims of domestic violence take an average of 7 times before they leave their abuser for good. It is a very very hard thing to do to leave someone you are trauma bonded to, it feels like you love them. It feels like they are your soulmate and only you know the demons they face that make them hurt you. It feels like you are the only one who understands them, and that because of how much you love them you owe it to them to stick with them and help them stop hurting you. But that never happens OP. People don’t abuse because of what they’ve been through, they abuse because they always had a predilection for it and when they got an “excuse” to use to feel like they’re “allowed” to they jumped on it. Nothing can change an abuser from the outside, they have to want to change on the inside and they almost never do that while in a relationship.

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you NEED to get out before he *takes* you out of this life.

  13. It’s easier to tell people to leave than actually leaving. Please know you don’t have to live this life. ❤️

  14. Scratches are a sign of trying to escape or defend. Not blows, hits or strangulation. Your partner may tell you, you look like the Abuser but that’s not the reality. He’s confusing and guilting you. Please don’t believe him, and take pictures of your bruises. It’s so hard to escape these situations, I’m so sorry! I feel like it’s physiologically hard over physically hard. Please leave and find a safe space for yourself. One day it’ll be behind you and you’ll see everything in clarity.

  16. Take pictures of your bruises, go to the police, get out, lawyer up, divorce. Do not stay with him a second longer! Be safe

  18. What are you doing? Who cares about his scratch, why are you staying in an abusive relationship?

  20. You need to see a doctor now and get checked out to make sure your neck is ok. And take pictures!

  21. Get out of the marriage. If you are needing to hide marks left by your spouse, you are in an bad place.

  22. Take photos of your bruises right now. Then go to the police. He could use this against you in a divorce to take your kids.

  25. A man choked me out once, said it was an accident and he was just play fighting. I told him to stay away from me and now he’s stalking me. So yes choking is a very high indicator of future harm or death.

    Please get out, do it while he’s not there.

  26. https://preview.redd.it/mjvwjruw5ddb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f97fb3562e315714f6c1dbf3ba6f737b11db05ba

    Yes he makes you cry sometimes, but there are really good times too. Sometimes he can be scary, but he loves you so much. He can be violent on occasion, but it’s only because you upset him. He can make you feel worthless but he’s so charming. You’ve thought about leaving, but he knows all the right things to win you back. It’s all going to be okay, right? He wouldn’t actually do anything, right?

    Right?

    1-800-799-SAFE

    [https://www.thehotline.org](https://www.thehotline.org)

  27. Take photos of your bruises and call the police. Stranglers escalate to murder more than any other type of DV. Do you want to leave your kids with this monster? Do you want to live like this?

  28. You need to leave op but you need to do it safely. Take pictures of the bruises. Please please be safe op.

  29. Please contact your local DV organization. Your police department may have info on their website for getting in contact with an advocate. They may be able
    To offer emergency housing

    Choking/strangling someone then plying victim they got scratched is manipulation.

    Choking you may not have killed you today but the damage done can cause d*e*h within six months due to internal trauma.

  33. Okay, who cares about his face???? He was beating you and choking you out!!! Please stop worrying about HIM and HIS injuries.

    I had a boyfriend who did this shit. I didn’t leave the first time. Partly because I had a parent who did this and I guess I felt like I could “handle” abuse and didn’t want to feel like I was abandoning him, since he was so troubled.

    I’m lucky to be alive.

    Please, please get out before he kills you. Do not tell him you’re going or insinuate in any way that anything might be different or change whatsoever. Give him no reason to suspect anything. Quietly get your affairs in order, get your vital paperwork together (SS card, birth certificate, ID, passport, whatever), take your kids and their documents (if you have kids), and go. Please.

    Please don’t do what I did and think you can handle it and not listen to people urging you to leave. Your life is at stake.

  34. Scratches are defense wounds.
    People are probably doubting what he says and questioning if he’s abusive.

    You need to leave. If he can choke you, he can kill you.

    Are you okay? I worry that he’s hurt you so often that it’s normalized for you.

  35. This guy might kill you…end it..don’t go around him without another person with you. Make a police report and move on…

  36. Please please please I beg you please leave him now. Choking and strangulation have the highest likelihood that the victim will end up murdered.

  38. Holy f people calm down no 1 knows if this was the first time and everyone is telling her to leave chill out. We don’t know if this is even been the first time being abusive. I’m not saying that it’s ok to do so. I’m just saying if they have had a few physical moments then yea I could see to leave but u have to remember sometimes some women around the world may not have anyone or anywhere to go to maybe no phone no car who knows so that’s easier said then done. We don’t know the whole situation.

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