Girl I’d been seeing for a few months broke up with me saying that she unexpectedly fell into a relationship with someone else. I was kinda surprised to learn that she was still even seeing someone else. Although we hadn’t explicitly discussed exclusivity, I had told her that I wasn’t seeing anyone else. I assumed she wasn’t either since she’d invite me to all her social events and introduce me as her partner. What really threw me off is that after breaking up with me, she updated her online dating profile to say that she’s ethically non-monogamous.
Why is she still on the app if she found someone else? When did she get into non monogamy? She’d never mentioned that before. If she just wanted an open relationship, I’d have been down to give it a shot. Did she assume that I wouldn’t be okay with an open relationship? Maybe she just didn’t like me enough to even keep me as one of many partners in an open relationship? Did she really find someone else, or was that just an excuse to break up with me?
I’m so confused.
5 comments
Well, if she says she’s non monogamous and asked you for an open relationship, that explains why she’s still on a dating app. Don’t assume that you are exclusive in the future, but let this be a lesson that she probably wasn’t interested in taking things further with you and to set your expectations for the relationship with whoever you’re with.
Ouch. I am sorry to hear that brother. That has got to hurt. Women often tell guys ‘I am not ready for a relationship’ when they mean ‘I am not ready for a relationship with you’. I’ve had a girl say she is not ready for a relationship and the next day she updates her profile and matches with my best friend. This sounds like one of those cases, i.e., she wants to be polyamorous, but not with you.
It’s confusing but it happens. I once fell inside my sons babysitter and in the ensuing struggle to get off of her I accidentally impregnated her. Luckily my wife understood that accidents happen.
Why she did/say is not a helpful question – only she knows why, like you, we can only speculate.
A more helpful question for you moving forward is why didn’t you talk about exclusivity, relationship parameters sooner and how to make sure you are progressing on the same page? It sounds like you assumed and projected how you feel as how she feels but didn’t actually talked about your relationship expectations/ clear status. So when she break up with you it came as a surprise- like there’s a lot more about her you didn’t know. Perhaps more helpful is use this experience to learn more about yourself: what are your relationship expectations? When you feel more talk about it. Assume less and you’ll be surprised less. Good luck going forward.
So sorry bro. Sometimes, you just aren’t going to get answers, and it is best to let go and move on.