My boyfriend is 34 and he wants children soon because he thinks he waited too long. He thinks he should’ve started a family in his late 20s, but he “fucked around” as he says.
He thinks he’s gonna be too old to play with them, and they’re more likely to lose him at a young age.
Do any other men have experience with this issue?
I know it’s different for women because we have our bio clock. I’m currently 24 so it’s not an issue, but I definitely want to start a family of my own in a few years.
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My FIL had a kid at 64 and another at 65. I make fun of him, but to be honest everyone has their own window.
I had my last child at 42 and definitely not too old to keep up with her. Age is a state of mind (and fitness lol)
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I think after 40/45 is maybe getting a little late but it depends on your situation.
My dad was 42 when I was born and he already seemed a bit too ‘over’ having children by then (I was 100% an accident), he never seemed interested.
But if you’re 45 and are super up for it and do all the dad things you should, then it’s not an issue. Just be prepared to have to deal with ‘teenager issues’ when you’re 60+.
Probably like 50ish? 34 is wild to be freaking out about that. A lot of old people remain independent well past their 60s as long as they take care of themselves.
My Dad was a few weeks of 40 when I was born, I’m 31 and don’t think I’ll be ready for kids until weeeeellll past 34, I don’t think that’s “too late” in the least.
Is your husband’s body breaking down? Unless he has some underlying health issues I don’t see why he can’t throw a ball at 40 or help his kiddos with math homework.
34? Dude’s fine. 54? Yeah, that’s a bit old. 74? What the fuck, dude.
But, uh…. given that four days ago you were asking if something was just a bit of a rough patch or a long-term problem manifesting…
Look, if you’re asking random people on the internet relationship advice – you *really* need to consider what you’re doing here. Because normal people having normal relationship issues don’t ask random people if things are good or bad or otherwise. If you’re doing that – it’s because you already know the answer and are looking for justification.
That’s why so much relationship advice is “Just break up” – it’s not that one problem, it’s that you’d rather ask a literal stranger with no context of their life, age, experiences, etc than actually have a conversation with your partner.
I’m saying *do not let this man put a kid in you* if you’re asking randos about your relationship. You do not want a permanent bond with him at this time.
When I was 35 my first son was born, I was ready to become a father, and the husband my wife deserved. It isn’t age specific. Any male could be a parent, it doesn’t mean they will be a father or dad. You can have a child at age 16 or 84. For me as a father of two young men is the ability to listen, one who guides but doesn’t point. Being stable financially and the maturity to place others before myself.
Recently I became very ill, the chances I’d die were much higher that I’d live. My son came to the hospital and handed me a card. Inside it he wrote “No man I ever met is my father’s equal, and I never loved any other man as much.” After reading it I felt my eyes tearing up, it was the best medicine I ever received.
Had my first at 40. Great time IMO. Had my shit together, had some savings & security, and was sure I was with the right partner.
My dad was 34 when he had me. Am 31 now and we still hang out like friends. Your BF just gotta stay active and healthy. My dad walks everywhere and he looks younger than 65
I’m 35. Just got twin boys popped out in February by my wife. I don’t know your boyfriend’s health issues, but I think about the problems I’ll have as they get older because my knees are pretty much destroyed. Regardless, it’s not something I think about too negatively. There are plenty of hobbies and activities one can enjoy with their children that are less stressful on the body. I can’t wait until they’re old enough for me to take them fishing for one.
34 isn’t old but I get it, you really don’t wanna be too old for your kids when they’re getting to the age where they wanna be more active.
I’m gonna be honest, I think 40 is about that limit where I’m like okay, it better happen at this point.
I was 50 when I had my last child. I love being a father at this age. I’m 60+, have 3 teens living at home, and they are my world. Even though my boys didn’t like to play sports, I’d have run circles around them.
I’m in my early 40s and just now planning on starting a family with my late 30s wife so it’s not too late. Conceiving gets a bit more challenging later on but it’s still doable. It seems a lot of couples are waiting until much later in life to become parents, so he’s certainly not alone.
I became a dad at 38, and I have a great relationship with my kid. I was starting to think I would be too old, but in reality she’s keeping me young.
No regrets. Glad I waited until it was the right time with the right person.
I had my first at 36, my second at 38. I’m almost 39. I’m glad I didn’t have one in my 20s. I wasn’t ready then.
Had my kid at almost 40, when he was 8 we started martial arts as a family. He is 22 now and I in my 60’s. I can tap out most of the 20 year olds that train at my dojo.
We have friends, he 52, has a 3 year old and another on the way. He will be 76 when his first graduates HS. Ooof…if you are in your 30s you’re good
Everyone has their time and they should really aim to be a parent when when their heart tells them so and not when society or social circle tells them
For me personally once 40s come is when I’d be starting the worry about it being a bit late
But again everyone has their timeline
If he thinks he’s gonna be too old, that means he’ll be too old. That’s his decision to make based on his perception of the world.
I don’t think you should rush your schedule to meet his.
My dad had me at 41. Growing up he’d bragged about how he got to really live it up in his thirties blah blah in his prime, in shape, making money and then was ready to settle at 40 when he met my mom
My dad was 40 when I was born. I was 22 when my son was born. All the time I think about what different experience my son and I are having with our dads
I’m 32 and feel the exact same. Not from a social standard point of view but more just me not wanting to be old by the time my kids get to my age. At this point though, it’s now whatever… I’ll be old 👴
Parents were 41 when they had me. Dad died just couple years ago when I was 26. I have to emphasize that one of the main issues why I and my mother never got along was because of the age gap. It’s harder for the parents to really understand the stage of growth their children are at when you’ve pushed many decades behind you. It makes it harder for the children to relate to their parents too.
Age gap issue looks like, start one now and he’s happy but you lose your entire 20’s and early 30’s
I’m 37 and my wife is 34 and we’re starting to reconsider our stance on no children. I feel like we need the decision by the time I’m 40.
My parents had me at 35f and 38m they seemed active enought for me
My dad was 45 when I was born, maybe that’s a bit on the older side to be a dad because I’m 25 and he’s 70 now but he’s the best father I could ask for and makes me want to be a dad someday too. I think a good father figure can be any age, although sometimes I wish I was born when he was a bit younger, I definitely have to cherish the time I have the next decade or two
At 40 your sperm starts to degrade increasing the chances of birth defects.
30s are the time you should have kids not 20s
I had my first at 35, second at 39. He needs to relax.
Sperm quality generally degrades with time, increasing risk of issues to the baby, and maybe decreasing fertility. Also what others mentioned about how old he’ll be when his child marries, grandchildren, etc.
I don’t think he needs to rush to get the baby in the next month’s, but in the next year’s yeah fair.
I’m 35 have a toddler and one on the way. I’m not as nimble as I was in my 20s but I still crawl around on the floor and am the best dad I can be.
My 70-year-old biological father remarried, got his 42-43 year old wife pregnant and they had a son. My dad passed at 98 years old. His son was in his 20’s at the time. Not a great idea.
Men are not tied to a clock but being older and having children can be draining. I was 37 when my youngest was born and the energy needed just wasn’t there. I had to use every brain cell to be outwitting enough to get through a day. But wouldn’t trade being exhausted vs not having him.
sounds like a manipulation tactic to lock you down at 24.
My partner is 34 and we recently found out that I am pregnant after being together 6 years, and we are so excited!
He already has 2 children from a previous relationship who he has in his early 20’s. He obviously loves them to pieces (as do I), but knows he was young and unprepared back then.
He told me he feels so much more confident about this time around knowing he’s matured, has a steady job etc. and that we have a strong relationship.
In short, 34 is definitely not too old for a man to have children! I’m a fair bit younger which is one of the reasons why we waited but also wanted to have some of our life together first!