My [23M] situationship with my emotionally unavailable best friend [23F] ended on a sour note. Need help/advice.

Hello everyone, hope you are having a nice day!

I’ve talked about my story before and pretty much have the answers already, however I can’t stop overthinking about a few details here and there.

So me and my bf had a situationship which lasted about 6 months from the beginning of the year up until now.

Things got off very rocky from the beginning. She would panic after making out with me or having sex. She would constantly state that she is not ready for a relationship and doesn’t want to have me as a friend with benefits because in her eyes I am worth much more than that.

I would agree with her and tell her that everything is ok, and we can stop seeing each other for a while until everything calms down and then we can become friends. However her response would kick in. She would state that she can’t afford to lose me, that she loves me and that she can’t have a relationship (even a friendly one) from distance. I would tell her I love her deeply, and try to comfort her and fullfill her needs. However, each and every time we would end up in bed. We couldn’t help eachother. There was just immense magnetism between us.

Things got out of hand because I started developing deep feelings, and learned that at the same time she was seeing other guys which REALLY hurt me. She would always get defensive saying “i warned you” and “we are not a couple why are you sad” and constantly invalidating my feelings and belittling my emotions.

I soon realized that she is actually unable to form deep connections. Her communication level started dropping. She would NEVER talk to me about her feelings and avoid having any meaningful conversation. Whenever I brought up our issue she would say that we are nothing and can just go on as friends.

I literally told her I was in love with her and that was just not possible and needed space. She would constantly try and lure me in her space and whine when I arranged with my friends without her. She even started posting stories claiming i am a fake friend and even told my friend i had “an agenda” against her.

Whenever I wanted to ask for space she said she loved me and needed me. I was always SO careful of my wording and so polite and thoughtful. I never called her names or had a fight with her. I was always romantic with her, buying her flowers and gifts from my travels as well as surprising her by cooking for her and doing everything i could to help her.

She never ever said she didnt like me or I wasn’t enough. Quite the opposite. She always said she is the problem and I that she acknowledges my feelings.

She never wanted to commit however, and never respected my decision to keep a distance between us. She rejected me, yet wanted me to act as if nothing ever happened the very next day. Another red flag she had was she never even mentioned me as apartner to any of our friends or her friends. She has a very small circle and cant form relationships that last. She only had one LTR which ended with her in immense pain. Her relationship with her parents is not that great, and thats why I believe she may be an avoidant.

The reason Im hurt is not just because if rejection, but also because she never gave me a nice ending, even up ti this day she blames me for “getting us here” and that i made fake promises to her “that she wouldnt lose me”. Her behavior however was always below the bare minimum threshold, and she never respected my feelings. I do hurt. I cant fathom how she can go from saying she loves me to saying “i cant regulate how i feel for you, im sorry” and saying i “feel innher eyes” because i arranged to go out with my friends without her (EVEN THOUGH I MENTIONED I NEEDED SPACE). We are in no contact over the past few weeks however i still feel the wound as fresh.

Any tips/advice on how to move on or just justify her behavior? She always had me walking on eggshells and was hot and cold from the beggining.