I’m 26 years old and my husband is 35. Recently I have found myself and what I want to do. So I want to focus on that, I want to get financially stable and focus on my life’s purpose and goals. But my husband says that me not wanting a child from him right now makes him feel unappreciated. I told him that nothing would happen if we waited two or three years. But he says that he gets older and he doesn’t want to be old dad. He made ultimate that I have one year to do all things that I want to do and after that we need to have a child.
10 comments
I would get out of the relationship now, before he gets you pregnant and traps you. Nobody should be forced to have a baby they don’t want. You are very wise to want to get yourself professionally settled now and work on your career. It sounds like he’s trying to baby trap you and control you.
Firstly no one can force you to have a baby you aren’t ready for. It is your body.
What are your parental roles going to be when the child is born? Will you be a SAHM, a working mom, a mom that stays home but works an at home job? Will he be a SAHD? You both need to figure out what your lives will look like post baby. If you’re trying to lay the ground work to be a working mom then I’d say your argument is justified. If you are planning on working for a couple years and then Staying home the rest of the childs life then I say that’s a little selfish to make your husband wait for you to basically waste time.
I think you two should speak to a marriage counselor to make sure you both are communicating clearly and that each of you understands the other. I can’t really speak to your concerns on this, but I think I understand your husbands and it comes down to some simple numbers. If you wait 3 years, your husband will be 38 when the child is born. When the child starts high school, your husband will be 51. If your child was to wait as along so you to have a child, your husband will be 67 when his first grandchild is born and that is assuming he even lives that long. You two may not be compatible on this issue and a marriage counselor will help you two figure that out as well as whether or not it is a deal breaker.
I can understand not wanting to be the “old dad” but I have a few things to say.
It’s your body, you have the final decision on when you want to get pregnant, however, I do think your husbands input should be appreciated. I have a 4 year old son with my wife and I’m 32, so is my wife. He goes to Pre-K and went to Pre-K 3 last year and my wife and I were the youngest parents in his class. Kind of surprised me to be honest, but we are the youngest set of parents by a few years.
I think giving you an ultimatum is pretty out there as far as being dumb. If you refuse what’s he gonna do? Leave and try to find a new woman to have kids with? Cause that will certainly take time.
Also want to say, you’re never really ready for the plunge of kids. I had no clue how we were gonna do it. My wife was making $12 and hour as a contractor and I was doing my final internship in college when she got pregnant. But since we had our son, my wife has been promoted twice and makes over 6 figures, I got a great job making north of 60k, and we both get to work from home. Having a kid didn’t stifle our careers at all, rather gave us the motivation to get shit done. It was definitely hard early on, we live hours away from any family so it’s really just the two of us. But we did it, and I can’t imagine our home any other way, my son is actually with his grandfather right now and fuckkkkk our house is so quiet.
Rambled a little there, I’m sorry your husband is putting you in an odd position. His feelings here are valid and so are yours. Good luck to both of ya.
Food for thought. You are in your prime. The longer you wait to have kids, the more difficult it becomes to conceive (especially if you’ve been on birth control.).
>I want to get financially stable and focus on my life’s purpose and goals.
Doesn’t your husband earns?
If financial stability, goals, life’s purpose are still pending then why did you even marry. Why did you discuss all of these before marriage.
You are not financially stable yet then may I know what goals were you pursuing for last 26 yrs.
Purpose of life !! I’m sorry to say but you are sounding shallow now. Nobody really knows the purpose of life, not the poors , not the rich, not the parents or even the childfree people.
Pls understand we can’t sit on the sides and keep trying to solve the mystery of the purpose of life.
And you don’t want to have a child that’s your call, but the reasons you gave sound a little vague. You need to own your decision and tell him.
Better you both get divorce.
This is absolutely a form of control.
Is this something you can happily deal with for the rest of your life, sacrificing for someone else while they sacrifice nothing for you?
He’s already gonna be an old dad. He should’ve had kids in his 20s if he didn’t want to be an old dad. That ship has sailed. Rushing you into a child you’re not ready yet is only going to cause resentment and anger. He should’ve thought about that when he married someone so much younger than himself. Don’t have a child if you’re not ready unless you wanna be posting in the regretful parents sub. It’s easy for him to rush you because he doesn’t have to be pregnant!
No way, don’t have a baby til you yourself are ready. And keep an eye on your birth control, your husband sounds like the type to stage an oopsie.
Info: assume he agrees to wait. You wait 5 years and you have achieved your goals and you are now ready for a baby. He’s now 40 years old and tells you he no longer wants a child because he doesnt want to be retiring the same year his child graduates from college.
Are you willing to be childless if he changes his mind in a few years?