Hi all!
Kind of new to dating.
I (36f) am divorcing my ex husband after 18y of relationship because of his infidelity. (Soon to be final.)
Long story short: It happened 4y ago. He ended it with her, she contacted me, and I stupidly stayed. It was never the same and I did not love him anymore after, but I really tried hard to make it work. He did not. (Did not go to therapy, did still contact her sometimes and lie about it etc.)
After all his actions I realized only last year I was living in an emotional abusive relationship.
He caused me a lot of pain. Tickle truthing, gaslighting, blame shifting, rugsweeping… you name it.
So I finally ended it. I felt relieved.
Last year in November I went on tinder looking for distraction and wanted to see how it feels to date again and be with another man. No intention for a serious relationship. I matched and wrote with several guys and went on a date with a kind guy in December. He knows my situation. Dating ever since.
He is so kind to me that it made me cry sometimes, because it felt like I do not deserve that. Crazy what emotional abuse does…
Anyway. We have no label currently, but we see each other often and enjoy each others company a lot. I spend the night at his place a lot. We go out to restaurants, concerts, cinema and bike trips. We are exclusive, too. I enjoy the journey, you could say.
Yet I don’t know where this is going. Somehow I am worried it all goes too fast. But is it? I like him and it seems he likes me.
Now I recently read about rebound relationships in this thread and am questioning myself.
Is it weird that I am “staying” with the first and only guy I went on a date with after my breakup? Could I really be this lucky to find someone who genuinely and honestly cares? Am I missing something?
Am I overthinking this?
I want to breach the topic of labels and what we both want soon, and would appreciate some pointers.
2 comments
Going through a divorce also but haven’t tried dating yet. But do you feel ready to date? You sound like you where emotionally done with your marriage, have you done counseling yourself to work on that pain he caused?
You may not be rebounding but a couple of things I’d suggest is to work on yourself and make sure you are ready. You sound fine, since you are actually questioning if it is a rebound, but making sure you have dealt with the past problems so it doesn’t come up in the new relationship and if it does, that you have mechanisms to work them out with the new guy.
what makes you think that this could be a rebound relationship apart from the fact that it was the first guy you dated?
how do you feel about it? are you happy and content?
to me, it sounds like you’re enjoying whatever is happening right now. i think a rebound relationship makes itself known when after a while, you realize that you’re not actually into the person but were just looking for closeness with anyone. the way in which you describe how you love spending time with him does not seem like that’s what is happening.
that doesn’t mean that it’s not a rebound relationship and your feelings may cool off over time, but honestly that’s true for any relationship and you can only go with what feels right in this moment.
wish you the best!