It seems as if, I perhaps could be set up with someone who I think is really attractive but besides that point.
I’ve gotten to know her ex, and what he does. And its difficult to sometimes think that perhaps I would need to do ***better*** then that. I dont want her to think “I used to do this and that”
I dont know how many of you often had those moments where you compared yourself to those your s/o dated before and if you did… how did you stop it? did you tell her?? or what did you do to withdraw those thoughts from flaring?
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If she wanted you to measure up to her ex he wouldnt be her ex.
She’s with you and not him for a reason. Comparison is the thief of joy. If all you look at is the things that he has, you’ll devalue everything that **you** have. You do what you can to make her feel loved and appreciated. You be yourself. If at the end of the day, she doesn’t appreciate that and she’d rather be with her ex or someone else, she was never the one for you
Don’t compare yourself to another man. He’s out of the picture and you’re in. Be the best man you can be, that’s all you can really do
Dude ended up being a weeb in the worst possible ways. Nothing wrong with liking anime or Japanese stuff (My wife and I like anime) But this guy was addicted to hentai and constantly told her how her body wasn’t good enough and needed to be more like the hentai girls.
He treated her horribly and caused psychological problems that took a long time to deal with. So measuring up to the guy has not been a problem.
You think she worries about the previous girl you were with that had way bigger tits?
Who cares about their ex. I’m the best thing she’s ever gonna have.
I’ve met three of her exes and they’re all complete nerds. I think I’m the coolest guy she’s ever been with
I’ve never once worried about an ex. They are an ex for a reason. I know what I bring to the table and I am confident in that. My wife and I are very open about our past relationships, because those relationships helped to mold us into the people we are today. It’s not a comparison, but exes are life lessons for all of us.
I’m a million times better than her ex. The fucker would still be here if I wasn’t
Not everyone is who they appear to be. Comparison is a thief of joy, remember that
She’s with you, he’s a part of her past. You have partners from your past too that you wouldn’t want her comparing herself to.
My wife’s exes are just that, exes. Try not to live your life measuring yourself against other people. You are who you are and you partner likes you for that. Be yourself and that’s all you can be.
Everyone has their insecure moments. I go with the I DONT CARE frame of mind. She’s with me now and now. An ex is an ex for a reason
Don’t go down the rabbit hole
Get someone who consistently shows you that you’re the best partner she’s ever had.
Also, as others have said, if he was that great he wouldn’t be her ex.
If he were actually better than you, he would still be there to begin with.
Why would I even know about him?
Just take care of your woman. The BEST you can. Take care of her better and better every day. You’ll always have insecurities, but if her ex took care of her the best a man could, she wouldn’t have wanted to be with a man like you—a better man.
Well, he died of cancer and my wife had already divorced him. She did take care of him while he was dying but apparently he treated her like shit and he had no life insurance or will. So when she sold the house, she had to split the money with his kids.
So I think I’m in the clear on this.
You are going to ruin it being insecure, I learned the hard way to not tell the new guy what an ex does. I have an ex who works in a well known tech company and very googleable- the guy I dated after him could not get over it, and it made him super unattractive after awhile. This was compounded by the fact that my ex and I did not have a horrible break up, we still occasionally talk once or twice a year, he sends flowers on my bday and always sends me NYE wish. IT was super uncomfortable and after awhile the guy I dated after was just so unattractive because he was not confident. Get over it , they arent together anymore thats all that matters.
I always just thought that there is a reason they aren’t together and I just try to be the best girlfriend I can be without over doing it.
It never occurred to me to be honest. I met the guy and I was a bit surprised, but he was totally different than me.
I never even thought about it. I don’t ask for details and I don’t want to know.
I’m 45. I never compare my ‘fitness’ for the relationship i am in to anyone, let alone my wife’s previous SO’s. It’s completely useless to compare on any criterium when the reality is much more complex than your comparison can match.
People tend to compare on the same few dimensions always. Material, Physical, Intelligence/Emotional. And they always oversimplify the comparison and overestimate the importance of those things they have less of.
Reality is that relationships are a much more complex and dynamic system of behaviors working onto each other. that comparing is useless. It can’t and won’t help you to explain or manage how a relationship works out.
I take a fatalistic approach: your relationship is gping to either work, mind: only through your and her active effort at it, or it’s not, and then both of you are better off trying something else. either way: you will learn by doing you, not by trying to be someone else.
You don’t need to fear learning which of the two it’s going to be. You’ll handle it either way and be better for it.
Im my only guy wife has been with. I feel sorry for her if im all she has experienced.
I used to think that way, but honestly it kind of just faded. We’ve been together for 4/5 years now. Its one of those things where in that time shes probably not been doing the stuff she used to do with her exes but shes still with me, so why should i worry?
Focus on making what you have special and unique rather than the stuff people before you have done. Thatll matter more.
In my case it was fairly easy. Her ex was a real rat bastard towards the end of their relationship and especially the breakup. And the more I heard about him and his life the more I realized that he is not a man I could ever respect, admire, look up to, befriend let alone be jealous or envious of under any circumstances.
It doesn’t matter if he has a better carreer or if he is better endowed, because at the end of the day they broke up for very good reasons in spite of all the things that you as a total outsider might think that he is better than you. If a girl keeps going back to an ex then that speaks volumes about her lack of spine and emotional maturity, and says nothing about your qualities or capabilities as a man.
The only person you need to measure up to is yourself and you only need to do right by her. She left them for a reason and she chose you for a reason. Work on yourself as a person and care less about what others may or may not have achieved and what they may or may not be.
There can be only one…….highlander.
She’s never mentioned her ex’s to me and I’ve never gone snooping to find them
She’s not yours. She is never yours. It’s just your turn. He had her for a while, now you have her for a while.
I’ve legitimately never felt that way in my life. They are an ex for reasons and they are dating you for good reasons. If my gf keeps talking about her ex like he’s god’s gift to women that won’t make me jealous, but it will make me leave because she isn’t emotionally available. It’s not about me or my shortcomings, it’s about where her headspace is at and that doesn’t make her a bad person, but I am not interested in that dynamic.
I don’t give a fuck about anyone before or after me. It’s during I care about.