I [35/m] met my partner about a month and we fell in love fast. We pretty much knew we wanted to be married together and we spent a lot of time together daily. She has a lot of great qualities. She’s kind, she’s funny, she’s giving and she’s incredibly smart and great with kids.
We both make great salaries (250k combined) but I had previously helped my sister purchased her home. Back then, I had basically given up on relationships and believed I wasn’t going to ever meet anyone so I helped her with the down payment and signed the mortgage while living with her there. I am on the mortgage, but she told me I didn’t need to contribute anything. I ended up moving out last year. Now I am living on my own and I’ve discussed with my sister and brother in law about taking my name off the mortgage. Both agreed that they will need to do that if I’m serious with my partner.
My partner is really anxious and is pushing me everyday to hire a mortgage lender and lawyer, and her mom is egging her on everyday. My partner lives at home and she doesn’t have any friends. Every time I go over, her mom is lecturing me about this. Last night she said if I don’t marry her daughter, I’ll be dying alone. I agree that I’ll need to do this but the way her mom is egging her on, and making suggestions like I need to sue my family to take my name off the mortgage is pissing me off. I have a great relationship with my family and I know that they won’t screw me over. I also am the trustee for my father, who has schizophrenia and they’re insisting that I remove myself from his life and let him take care of his own health and finances.
Are they going too far or am I in the wrong for thinking that they’re too anxious and her mother is just crazy? Side note, her father lives in the same house and he’s completely ignored her mom. I see her mom bullying him a lot too, forcing him to apologize for things that he didn’t do or belittling him in front of family. They sleep in separate rooms and he barely spends time with her mother. Is this something I should be concerned about?
4 comments
How long have you been together? Was it a month ago or am I reading that wrong?
This whole family is an ocean full of RED FLAGS
NO ONE has the right to demand you do anything with YOUR FINANCES! That is private information.
NO ONE has the right to stick their noses in your business. Stop telling them personal info!
YOU AREN’T Married and yet, here they are already causing major problems.
These problems and behaviors will continue if you marry this girl. Then it will turn into you supporting them, the wife not wanting to work, and you being lectured every day about anything and everything.
You can here because you already know the answer and want it validated.
BREAK UP and block ALL OF THEM on EVERYTHING.
Who wants this type of shit in their every day lives…until everyone is dead?
They have plans for your finances.
I think there are two issues here. It seems financially unwise to be on the mortgage of a house you are not on the deed of. Its not about not trusting your family or anyone screwing you over more about protecting your financial future. Things can happen that are no one’s fault that you could be on the hook for.
Secondly your partners mother is way out of line, she needs to enforce some boundaries. Telling you that without her daughter you will die alone is completely unacceptable. I think if you are to continue a relationship with your gf she needs to get her mum to back off, if not there are plenty of other fish in the sea.