Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years, but I’ve always been a big guy. We met online and didn’t meet in person till a year ago. We’ve been doing pretty good until the last couple months when she told me this. When we met I was around 350lbs and she knew what I looked like and said she thought I was attractive. When we met I was around the same weight, and she still seemed attracted to me. But now, she just doesn’t have any interest in me.
We never really had a good sex life because she was appalled by it. she has developmental issues and we don’t think she’s ever had a sex drive. She got on hormones to increase her libido, had her first climax, and now she’s addicted to masturbating. Like 4-7 times a day. And she said she can only imagine herself with a thin person and doesn’t want me anymore. I’m guessing she never knew what sexual attraction was until now. She actually wants to have sex now, but she can only enjoy it if she imagines someone else. Which honestly affects me way more than I thought it would.
But since then, I’ve lost 30lbs in two months. I’ve started counting my calories, going to the gym, and even started medically assisted weight loss. I’m doing it for myself, but I feel like part of me is doing it to win her back. I love this girl with all my heart and I know she still loves me as a person. Maybe she never really loved me if this is all it took for her to lose interest.
Should I just give up on her and move on? Find someone who wants me for who I am? Keep working towards my weight goal and win her back? I’m just at a loss in life right now and want my life with her back. Thanks for reading.
TL;DR, my girlfriend of 4 years wants to find someone else because of my weight, which has been the same throughout whole relationship. Now I’m working my butt off to lose weight for myself, and to win her back
6 comments
Keep losing that weight by dropping 120 off right now. Continue with your health mission and use the new found you on someone who appreciates you.
Your girlfriend sounds like she has a whole lot of emotional and mental issues that she is working through, and sounds like she is in a phase of self discovery. From your description, she doesn’t seem to be very in touch with who she is or what she wants in life. That makes me wonder if she’s even capable of being in a relationship at the moment.
Being single may be good for her.
Also, that’s pretty rude and selfish to tell you that she fantasized about thin men while you have sex. Even if that’s her body preference, she could have told you that she wants out of a relationship without trying to humiliate you and put you down. She sounds like a cold hearted person.
If I were you, I would have told her to go find her skinny guy, because I’m done.
ETA: Congrats on your progress. Keep working on yourself for yourself, and don’t let this woman distract you.
wow, congrats on the weight loss that’s a huge amount in 2 months!
i think you deserve better man a lot of girls like bigger men as well
OP, if getting back with her is motivating you to lose weight, find another motivation. Do it for yourself, not for her. Keep pressing toward your weight loss goal. To me, what she told you is enough to end the relationship over, regardless of what she now wants. She has been with you 4 years and just now figured out she don’t want you? IMO, I think she just wants to screw around and be single. And even if you start looking like Adonis or Hercules in 6 months or so, it won’t make any difference to her. I’d just tell her, I’m in love with you, and find you very attractive, and wanted to have a future with you, but I can’t stay in a relationship with someone that doesn’t desire me intimately. Tell her you are going to grant her wish, and that she is now single. Break up with her, and wish for her a nice life.
1. If you stay with her and lose weight in the long run you will always feel wanted by her only based on your weight and that would be emotionally unhealthy for you.
2. If you stay with her and don’t get to the weight she wants you will continue to feel the way you do now, but additional issues will arise due to this issue. She will likely leave or cheat on you.
3. If you leave and don’t lose any more weight, you can look for a more suitable partner.
4. If you leave and lose the weight, you will be healthier. You will also most likely be more confident and will open up more possibilities to find a suitable partner. And you won’t feel like those potential partners are so dependent on your weight.
I think your girlfriend has already done the damage, so it is time to move on.
Dump her and keep on losing the weight, then find someone new.