We were having a normal conversation and he said that him and his friends used to go to the strip club all the time. He wasn’t expecting a bad reaction but obviously I gave one and was quite upset, it immediately changed that they went once and he said he didn’t know why he lied, and that there were no dancers, they just drank at tables like a normal bar. If it helps the club was in Norwich, England and he says he doesn’t remember the name (from a few years ago) It was spoken about a few months ago and I believed him but I have this nagging feeling it’s probably not true though don’t want to bring it up again if he is telling the truth. He’s having a really hard time at the minute with a family death and I don’t want to being up pointless things that will make him hurt more. What should I do?
TLDR: Do i believe my bf that he went to a strip club with no dancers
28 comments
Is he generally a truthful person? Also you being upset about him used to going to a strip club is a problem. What’s wrong with strip clubs?
If there are no dancers that’s by definition not a strip club.
Hes trying to not hurt your feelings. He can obviously see that him going to strip clubs in the past bothers you. Idk why he lied either. I woulda just been up front about it and if you felt some way about what I did in the past, then that would be on you to deal with.
What should you do? Let him know that he can be honest with you about that kind of stuff, or anything. Tell him youre mature and you understand that men go to the strip club and youre not upset about it. If you are actually upset, disappointed, or insecure that he went to the strip club before he met you, then Idk what to tell you lol.
I have a question. As a woman who is a big fan of strip clubs- fun conversation, good place to find sketch models and such- why does anyone care if their partner popped into one?
You’re absolutely allowed to have your preferences. I just find it confusing. Feels like the same idea as someone having a low or zero history with sex. There be other people in this world. May as well enjoy what you’re looking at.
Anyway. Curious.
If this happened when you and him were not in a relationship and he was single, I don’t see the issue.
The fuck kinda club doesn’t have dancers?
This sCrEaMs both immaturity & insecurity
You guys weren’t even together at the time??
I hope ya’all are using birth control, any baby born into this relationship will have to be adult enough to tolerate this crap.
You shouldn’t do anything. It doesn’t even matter. It was in the past.
What will come from it if you bring it up? You weren’t together when he went so what does it change? He seems to have lied to protect your feelings as he saw it upset you
Why were you “quite upset?”
Personally, I see nothing wrong with people going to a strip club even in a relationship, unless the couple decided together that it was inappropriate for their relationship.
How long did it take you to stop laughing?
Do you mean they weren’t sitting on pervert row and didn’t get lap dances? Because a strip club definitely has dancers. Its kinda the whole point of the business.
So he went to a strip club before you dated? If thats the case and you reacted angrily to this news can you understand why he would suddenly start making up random shit?
Him lying about it the issue for one. And people are allowed to have standards within the relationship so don’t let anyone tell you having a problem with a current partner going to SC is dumb. It’s not. But never tolerate lies of any kind. Period, end of story.
That’s just a bar then. What does he mean there were no dancers? If they were only at the back, that’s a brothel.
Time of day, it could be true. They could be setting up, dancers were out that shift, lots of reasons for it to be accurate, it’s not the ER where someone is dancing 24/7.
More importantly, whether it’s true or not, is your reaction to something in his unsavory past so bad that he feels uncomfortable enough sharing it with you that he would lie? I mean me he told you what he used to do, but then saw your reaction, then (supposedly) back-peddled the story. The take away is now he knows he should not share stupid shit from his past to keep you from getting upset. Think about that, and how you want this to go if something else from his past that comes up that he may not be proud of, but feels comfortable sharing. Or, God forbid, you yourself have something in your past that is uncouth, how would you want his reaction to be?
You overreacted, so he lied.
Very common trope with a young relationship.
It’s okay! You’re learning things and having new experiences.
I think it might be helpful to you both to try to talk though this. I read a comment where you mentioned you were sensitive to the idea of strip clubs and him going “all the time”, that you’re young and this is all very new to you- that would be a very very nice thing to communicate to your boyfriend.
When you feel calm and he is comfortable with it (due to the recent family death) try to have a rational conversation with him and explain your feelings. Do not raise your voice. Speak with “i feel” statements and avoid putting words into his mouth or making assumptions. Ask questions. Clarify. Let him know you did overreact for xyz reasons. But then move the conversation to the lie. Tell him you’re being very vulnerable and honest and you would like his honesty in return.
See where this goes. You’re learning about each other, how to be in a relationship with someone and how to communicate. This is a great opportunity for all those things.
And for the record it is VERY common to experience reactions like this and jealousy when you’re in your teens and early 20s. It’s an immature reaction but that is because you’re still growing up so don’t let all the negative comments get you down. It’s hard for older people to understand this mindset and that a lot of all of us were like that too.
It happens in clubs near me but early in the day when there aren’t many girls and they don’t want to honor dance deals since they have to pay the club to be there and do what they want.
Now of he went on a weekend after 8…he’s probably more than full of shit.
Was this prior to your relationship? If so, why do you care?
Your own insecurities are showing. This is a you problem.
It is possible I went to a club in Vegas that just wasn’t at peak hours just quite yet. After two beers and several songs no dancers were on stage. There might have been a few just sitting with some other tables. I finished my drink and just left.
If you believed that, I have a bridge i can sell you.
You need to get to the bottom of this. Locate the club. Go there urself. Make sure there are no dancers. I’d there are get dances and grill them about if they danced for your boyfriend. Also your relatuonship is u healthy and your bf is a liar And you can’t let go of things that were in the past before he met you. Good luck.
He shouldn’t have lied but…it happened before you got together so why were you upset?
In all honesty your bf could be telling the truth. Quite a few years ago when I lived in Stratford upon Avon me and my workmates would always go out Sunday afternoon after work (hospitality workers) and would often go to a strip club (pretty certain the only strip club in town) for drinks as a couple of the guys I worked with were good mates of the owner so we got cheap booze. Anyhow, when you walked into the strip club there was a main bar area (where we used to hang out) and the strip bar part was through a door around the back of the bar. I once asked the bloke who owned why it was set up that way and his response was along the line that not everyone wanted to go to a strip bar so why not cater for everyone as it made more sense financially.
There’s no way that the strip club had no dancer or they were “in the back”. I would be concerned if I was you if it happened when you guys were together. I don’t know how long that has been but if you want to bring it up again I would be up front about it when you two are cuddling or something both of you like doing together.
I live in China. There are no Chinese people here.