Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/159byaj/i\_f20\_have\_no\_idea\_on\_how\_to\_handle\_my\_fiances/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/159byaj/i_f20_have_no_idea_on_how_to_handle_my_fiances/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

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I posted this after a very unsettling situation happened, and a few people asked for a update, and i wanted to also clarify some things.

Clarity first.

1. I don’t think many people saw my comment, but I am almost entirely mute. I communicate through ASL and written text.
2. Yes, this is military. A few people pointed out that it seems like a military related situation. and it is. Both my fiancé and Jackson are in the army.
3. I am aware we are young. I know it’s not the smartest idea to be making such large commitments at a young age, but i know i love Scott. As for jackson and his wife, there is no excusing that age gap, but they grew up together, started dating when she was 16, married 3 months after she turned 18.

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As for the update.

I told Scott, and Jacksons wife. I’m not sure how she handled it, because both Scott and I were blocked after telling her. Scott did drop Jackson, and is incredibly angry, as he never agreed to it. We took photos of the bruising around my neck, but did report this, not only to his higher ups but also local police, as I don’t live on base. Scott has been nothing but supportive of me, and let me have my time to cry and vent. If no one here has seen a ASL user venting, it does look like someone translating Rap God into ASL.

I wanted to thank everyone for the support, and tough love and brutal honesty. I admit, i was downplaying what happened in my head, as I couldn’t convince myself it was actually assault. If youre reading this, and in the same situation i was in, tell someone. Please. You will be surprised by how many people actually do love you, and support you, and want you to heal.

30 comments

  3. > know it’s not the smartest idea to be making such large commitments at a young age, but i know i love Scott.

    So you don’t know.

  5. I’m proud of you OP.

    Please get medical attention for your injuries. A lot of ppl don’t know that you can die after being strangled days later because the damage is not obvious and you can have internal injuries. Please get checked out

  6. I am glad your fiance is both a decent human being, and has the integrity to take this through proper channels.

    I also admire that he handled it with maturity, not giving in to the urge to get into a physical altercation.

    I hope that things work out well for both of you.

    As to the ex friends, it’s likely best to go no-contact.

  7. I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for being so strong and reporting this.

  8. Keep standing tall, sweetheart. I’m extremely proud of you for standing up for yourself. That man is a predator, and you’re not putting up with it. How despicable that he told you that both your fiance and his own wife knew – *yet if you told either of them he’d lose them*. Make it make sense – he isn’t very smart, hm?

  9. I’m so glad you let everyone know what this bastard did. Good on Scott for being in your corner. Don’t let up on the authorities. Some will actually do something. Others are abusers themselves and won’t help you.

    This is also one more reason I need to keep learning ASL. My best friend when I was young had a deaf brother. I learned a little to talk with him. But picked it up again recently. I don’t know anyone who uses it, but I’d hate to find someone in need and not be able to understand them fast enough.

  10. I’m so glad you trusted you BF enough to confide in him. So, since the friend is military, hopefully, they will discharge him from the service and let the local authorities prosecute him. I’ve seen it happen when I was in. Basically, it was a double whammy. They get kicked out and go to trial as a civilian. Best wishes to you, miss.

  11. Please make sure you go to the doctor and get your neck checked out, you can have dangerous internal injuries from being choked that causes problems days later

  12. Your situation sucks. Good on your fiance for standing with you. I hope it signals many good things for the future of your relationship.

    ​

    >If no one here has seen a ASL user venting, it does look like someone translating Rap God into ASL.

    But now my curiousity is piqued.

  13. I missed the original post and while I’m so sorry this even happened to you I’m so glad you’re relatively safe and ok.

    Still dry heaving over the ages of Jackson and his wife, though! That girl has a rough road ahead of her!

  14. Congratulations OP. I am proud you stood up to him. I hope all goes well, and you can recover well from this. You have a great fiance who believed you, I know you will have a strong foundation to recover on.

  15. So sorry this happened to you, and so glad you talked to your fiance about it. And that you’re standing up for yourself by contacting the appropriate authorities!

    As an aside, my wife and I married at 21 and 20, just like you and your fiance, when I was in the air force. We have two beautiful little girls and have been together for almost 20 years now. It isn’t an easy path, but it can be the right one for some people.

  16. I’m so happy to see this update and see that you have such great support. You’re in my thoughts 💕

  17. Big warm safe hugs!! I am so glad you are getting the support you need and deserve. You are amazing!

  18. You’re a fucking legend. That must have been frightening as hell but you definitely did the right thing

  20. Wild he would claim the wife and your fiancé approved of it but “please don’t tell them I actually did it because they’ll be so mad and I’ll lose them both!!”

    Because that makes sense. We need IQ tests before allowing someone access to weapons.

  21. His wife will stay with him and she will learn the hard way. You did the right thing

  22. Thanks for the update! It couldn’t have been easy but you did the exact right thing!! Good on you for being so courageous and you are an inspiration to others 💕

  23. Good for you!

    Now, take care of yourself and PLEASE tell Scott to let the authorities handle this in case he crosses paths with that pile of manure.

    To Scott, you are wonderful and thank you for standing up for your lady. That right there says what type of man you are and you, sir, are a good one. Now, you may cross paths with that POS and I will understand if you would like to make a call to “811” but do not do anything rash that can put your future in the military at risk.

  24. I am so PROUD of you. So proud, and I’m proud (and relieved) that Scott had your back. He loves you so much.

  25. Hell yes OP, nice work. I’m sure that wasn’t easy at all, and I’m really glad to hear your man has stood by you as he should. Sending all the support

  27. I am glad you told your fiance. It would be terrifying to have him around never knowing what he would do next. Be safe.

  29. You did the right thing! Proud of you!

    Stay clear of toxic and dangerous people!

    I suspect that his young child bride will probably blame you, so stay away from her, you don’t need her noise if she supports a rapist and abuser….

  30. You did right. I didn’t see the original post but if you had let it go, that man might have pressed for more. Some bastards even see this as invitation. And if your fiancee had known from any other source and after more time, the blame might even have fallen on you.

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