Hello all. A friend of mine suggested that I post here for some advice. So to start, I have to mention that my boyfriend and I have been together since we were 13 and 15 respectively, so 4 years now, and have had little to no prior experience. With that comes a lot of issues that we have yet to resolve since we’ve been long-distance for all these years. These are things like him failing to communicate with me about important things like his feelings or boundaries, regularly breaking my boundaries (yelling into the mic at me despite knowing I’m autistic and sensitive to sound and being yelled at, calling me pretty despite dysphoria and a hatred for compliments, etc), taking much more than he gives both emotionally and sexually when I fly out to visit him, and being extremely possessive. He also fails to communicate any of the problems he might have with me, so while I know I’m doing a lot of stuff wrong, I don’t know how to go about fixing it since it’s so unclear (again, thank you autism). While he claims he’s perfectly happy and is even planning on moving out here in a few months (not settling down together or anything, just roommates because the housing market is terrible), I know there’s a lot more he needs out of this relationship, and definitely a lot more I need. The friend I mentioned earlier suggested that we take a break and see other people for a few months, get some experience under our belts, and try again later, but he’s not willing to do that and frankly I don’t think I am either, because I am very much in love with him, and also I know it’ll destroy him emotionally, it might complicate moving plans, and also might piss off my mom who absolutely adores him and does not want to see me with anyone else. Currently the best solution we have is to be more like friends with benefits when he moves out here, so that we can still be together, but also gain that experience, but he’s *intensely* monogamous and hates the idea of seeing me with other people. I’m poly, so I really don’t mind that much, especially knowing that we’ll get back together officially after a while, but we’re stuck and desperate for some more outside advice. Thanks in advance!
TL;DR- Boyfriend and I have been together since we were kids and don’t have any experience- other than breaking up, what do?
2 comments
It sounds like you both could benefit from some experience. Instead of taking a break from him and finding other people, which you say you don’t want to do, why not let him move in with you on a trial basis to see if it’s something you want long term? Work with him on what you need, like better sex and better communication. If it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out, but you will have at least given it a shot and honored the years you have spent together.
Get married. Have kids?