Hubby and I (both 31) have been together for 11 years, married for almost 8. My husband has the habit of whenever something bothers him & he deems it to not be that “big of a deal” , he tends to bottle it up & not tell me. The issue I have w this is he doesn’t tell me but then starts acting weird or different around me. Like he’ll become a bit quiet & won’t really talk to me. It then causes me to ask him what’s wrong & he’ll say “nothings wrong.” But then after a lot of prodding & digging he’ll eventually end up telling me.
What I find sooooooo frustrating is that I always tell him what is wrong w me whether it be small or big & I think it’s unfair that he won’t return the same courtesy. It’s causing me to have a bit of resentment towards him, I would have 0 issue w him not telling me what’s wrong (if it’s something small) if he didn’t act different around me whenever he’s bothered about whatever it is at the time.
Today it happened again, hubby wanted to water his plants but I needed him to watch the kids while I go shower, I asked him if they could be watered later he said yes. After my shower I came downstairs & he was acting a bit quiet & cold towards me, I asked him what was wrong & he said nothing, but he continued to be weird & distant towards me. Eventually I became frustrated bc he kept being weird towards me, eventually after 30 mins of this, he finally told me what was up. He was a bit frustrated that he didn’t get to water his plants when he wanted to bc he has it set to a certain time that he does it. I told him why he couldn’t of told me this, he said he didn’t feel he had much of a choice.
I’m once again frustrated bc he didn’t tell me from the beginning something’s wrong & made me feel like I was being crazy when I wasn’t. Do I have a right to be upset over this or am I overreacting? TIA!
TLDR; Whenever husband gets upset over something that he deems small, he’ll kept it to himself but still act cold/distant towards me, im starting to resent husband over this. Do I have the right to be upset?
2 comments
You have a right to be upset. But I think you also have to talk to your husband and ask for details about what is going on with him in these periods. Like, did you ask him why he felt like he didn’t have a choice? I may seem obvious to you that he had one, but *he* felt that he didn’t. When you’re in a less frustrated place and are able to be curious, you should ask him to please explain why. You can also tell him how you feel when he gets distant and cold and won’t tell you why. You can ask him what, from his perspective, he would like from during these times. This is work on your end, and maybe he “should” just sort through and communicate his feelings better; but he clearly needs a bit more help to be able to do that.
Sounds like you don’t know what you are doing as this is a very easy problem to solve.
Shocked so many people lack even the most basic skills