(F26) Single and advised to stay single for a while
Hi!
I have a rather difficult question actually, but bear with me I will first give you some background info:
– I am 26 y/o and I have been in relationships since I was 16, with a break of 9 months in between those two.
– My longest relationship was 8 years long and we broke it off 7 months ago.
– This is the first time for me to ever live on my own. My parents live in different countries than I do. I don’t have a lot of family in this country and we are not really close, due to family issues.
– I also started a new internship at the same time and writing my master’s thesis.
– Since having it broken off with my ex, I have been in two fwb relationships because I had the desire to sexually explore myself. They lasted 4,5 months in total.
– I found out that I am too emotional (I got attached) and sensitive for a fwb relationship. I decided to stay single now and only eventually look for a real connection again.
– I got diagnosed with ADHD two months ago and started to try out medications (still looking for the right dose).
This was the background in a nutshell. So basically my friends and mom tell me to stay single for a while now, also not going on dates and stuff. Which is honestly in my eyes easy for them to say, because there is always someone home at theirs. I am really completely alone and I do want a partner eventually again. I am not on any dating apps anymore since a month, don’t really have the mental energy for it right now. But if I meet someone in a different way and we click I would consider going on a date with them. But even that my friends and especially my mom advise against. I just don’t really get why. At first they were really enthousiastic for me exploring myself and now they advise against it.
Do you guys have any thoughts on this? 🙂
TL;DR Friends and family advise me to stay single for a while and not have any kind of contact with romantic interests.
4 comments
I mean, you don’t need to take their advice. If you would rather seek out a relationship, and you feel you can do so without causing any harm to yourself or someone else, that’s your prerogative. That said, you might think about why they’re advising you this way, and consider if they have a point.
I’m confused on what you want. You want to be single and go on dates if you naturally get asked out, but these will be one offs because you want to be single? Or you are open to just falling back into dating if it happens naturally, so you don’t actually want to stay single?
I think you gave mixed messages to your family and friends and so they are giving you mixed feedback based on that? I’m a bit confused on what you want or are even asking here?
It sounds like you’ve not really ever been alone or independent as an adult and if that’s what you are trying to do or say to others that you want, maybe set a time frame around it?
I know a lot of people who have been in similar situations as yourself, essentially dating permanently from adolescence, for one it really does sound like you haven’t been able to develop the ability to be alone, I’ve also noticed with other people in similar situations they don’t take any time to be alone and integrate their relationship experience and work on themselves, and often end up repeating the same cycles and mistakes to no end, idk take up a new hobby, learn to chill with yourself.
Why not just seek out friends? You don’t have to have FWB or a BF to not feel lonely or without companionship. And if you don’t have friends near you, seek them out. 🙂