Secret wishlist of things to do while home alone

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1. Take LSD.

2. I drink beer, smoke cigarettes, crank the music up, grill a steak, watch sci-fi, and jerk off. More or less in that order.

3. Bathe yourself in beautiful silence and then take a nap.

4. Watch porn and jerk off, nap. Repeat

5. Make a smash burger. Order some Detroit pizza. Jerk off. Watch horror films. Craft a hidden compartment somewhere in your home.

6. *jergens marketing dept has entered the thread*

7. If you have a wooden or tile floor. Take off your pants, sit on the floor and fart. Let ‘er ride, baby. Tile may be cold.

8. I had some friends over for a late night drinking, board games and hangout session. Around midnight we decided to stretch our legs on a late night beer walk. Nothing that crazy, but it’s not something I’m typically able to do at my house when the rest of the family is there.

9. Only one thing to do in a situation like that. Put on Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger and dance.

   No but for real: don’t feel obligated to have to do anything at all. It has taken me years to learn this. Smoke weed, jerk it if you gotta, but don’t feel bad if you don’t do anything too crazy. Sometimes I have a pretty good time just reading a book when no one’s around, simply because I don’t get that much silence and focus ever.

10. Poop with the door open