A question for the older ones here. I’m a 21 year old who completely clueless about his calling in life despite being a few weeks away from graduating college. I know I want to be a good man, not just a good person but a good man. Any advice?
Also, any other advice for someone like me who’s young and clueless and broke?
28 comments
Just be a good person
Overrated and subjective, its something you’re going to have to figure out yourself
Empathy
disipline
improvement
sacrifice
Be brave in the face of your enemies. Be upright so that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. That is your oath.
Just have personal integrity. Think act and be as one.
Do you want to be a good man or do you want to be good at being a man?
There is a difference.
Be honest
Even if you’re doing some fucked up shit, at least you were honest
Solve one problem at a time. It’s called triage. You’re broke? Get a job. Should hopefully be pretty doable if you’re graduating and getting a degree worth a damn.
After that, find a mentor. Pick someone who embodies the qualities you admire and aspire towards. Could be work/career related, or just life skills. Trust them, learn from them.
Lastly, make sure you have a solid group of friends around you. Good friends lift you up. Bad friends hold you back. No friends means no direction at all.
If you always tell the truth, you won’t need to remember the lies you would say instead
Putting other people’s needs first is a good start. The golden rule still applies in 2022. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Many will disagree with this and that’s fine (to each their own), but I also felt myself starting to be more compassionate when I started going to a church I liked (not traditional, old lady singing in monotone church). If that interests you at all good it a shot
Keep your word. Do what you say you are going to do, when you say you be are going to do it.
Learn to be genuinely happy for others when they succeed or have good fortune.
Learn empathy for others when they fail or have bad fortune.
Be on time.
Learn from your experiences. Be open to new experiences. Push yourself out of your comfort zone every so often. Realise that 21 is super young and you have loads of time to find a direction, same goes with 22, 25, 28, even 30. Realise that the world is just as scary to everyone else as it is to you
Integrity is doing the right thing even though no one is watching.
Do good things because you can, not so you can be seen to be doing those things.
You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
Don’t let others tell you what is right and wrong. You have your own internal moral compass and instinctively can decide for yourself without being told.
Oh, and don’t be a prick.
Most people know right from wrong in most situations. I’m guessing you do too. That’s not the hard bit.
The hard bit is choosing the right thing even when it’s harder than the wrong thing. If you want to be a good person, choose the right thing even when it’s hard.
Learn to subdue your desires and keep your passions within due bounds.
Have empathy, do the right thing even when the right thing is hard, support and build up those around you, and don’t forget to take care of you.
Look after yourself first if your single
Look after your family first if you have one
Take care of yourself in health and finance. Try not to be a burden to anyone. No one wants to think of their friend as the guy you gotta keep helping out. Pay your bills. Don’t live above your means. Don’t take things too seriously. Enjoy life. Laugh at stupid shit. Be pleasent to talk to. That means have interests and be curious about others lives. Ppl will like you and you’ll find out about who you are and what you like and who you are. I’m a white suburb kid but I’ve made friends with old young and ppl very different from me because I can relate to them and have a laugh. Life’s short and the more you can laugh at the absurdity of it all the more you’ll enjoy. Well all die someday but so what? On your deathbed you won’t think of all the paperwork you had to do in 2022 but hopefully all the ppl you got a kick out of and became friends with and make you think “boy that was a hell of a good ride and I really loved the ppl I loved and they loved me”. Cheers
Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Has everything you need to know.
Know your worth.
Be kind.
Forgive.
Stand up for what you believe is right, even if it means standing alone.
Start with the things you know you want and work your way backwards to figure out what kind of person you need to be.
Keep the list of things you want short. like 3 things. I’ll give you an example: being a good mentor/parent, living an active lifestyle, and being well read. So there are 3 easy to remember goals, now you have to think not in terms of achievements or identity, but behaviors.
so good mentor/parents do what kinds of things? you don’t know? read a few books on developmental psychology, take a psych course or a course on ethics, or have a discussion with someone you consider to be a good mentor parent and focus on behaviours.
living an active lifestyle? an obvious behaviour might be this is the sort of person who goes hiking for 5 hours every saturday, join a meetup group or go with loved ones.
being well read? look up a list of books that are considered classics, start with one that sounds accessible and interesting to you. maybe join a book club.
I think it’s important to focus on behaviours because if you think in terms of “this kind of person does these kinds of things” it is easy to emulate and to feel like you are working towards that goal. If you focus on the end state, that is too far away and discouraging, also by the time you reach it, you’ve already been the thing you’ve been trying to be for a while.
You want to be a good man or a happy man? There is a subtle difference there. A good man can be a sad man too.
Dude being broke has nothing to do with being a good man, trust me I would know. I’ve been homeless for many years and ending up making more money than all of my parents and family members at a younger age than they all were.
You want to be a good man is the best start any human being could ask for. You want to constantly educate yourself, care and groom for yourself, and always make the good decisions in life. Your about to graduate too and your only 21 is also a great start.
Just stay focus on your primary goals until you make more goals for yourself and along the way you will find the answers your looking for and then you will have time to decide how you will control your own life and/or make one( or a few babies for that matter!)
Sorry if this couldn’t help. I can really relate to this post as I felt the same way at around the same age! Thanks for sharing!
Pretty simple, ask yourself if you would like someone else to do what you’re about to do to you or your mother, sister, brother, friend, dog
Respect women
The fact that you’re expressing an upfront interest in being a good person/man suggests you’re already on the right track. Some tips:
1. Don’t follow a crowd unless you’ve stepped back and evaluated your thoughts/views and come to the conclusion that that’s right for you.
2. Be respectful of everyone.
3. Be honest with yourself and others.
4. Develop your morals and familiarise yourself on them.
Anyone concerned about this is on the right track.
My vision for life is “be wise, be good, be strong”. I try reflect on this daily and consider it in all my decisions
Don’t be a nazi