I’m not going to get into the mass details of it, but essentially we were having sex and she walked in without knocking, and watched me scramble to shimmy in my skinny jeans and save his ass being grass. That obviously didn’t work. She told me I was done and never allowed back and had to immediately leave. I’m so stressed for him and for me right now I have no idea what to do.
For context, my boyfriend is 19 years old. She doesn’t even allow him to be out after 10pm, won’t allow us to share a blanket when near her, she’s massively religious, and on multiple occasions has told me that I haven’t changed and will always be a bad person because of the bad teenager I was at 15-16. I have no idea what to do because the weeks and months of me trying to cook with her, build a good connection, hang out with her, and show her I’m a good person has now all went to shit. Any advice? She’s the type of mom to make my boyfriend pick me or a roof over his head.
33 comments
Sounds like you two need to start fooling around at your place and he needs to start taking a ‘night class’ that meets three night a week but his mom is told it meets five nights a week….if you catch my meaning.
That happened to my gf’s son. He was 17 or 18. His gf’s aunt walked in on he and his gf. She went apeshit, called the parents who threatened to disown his gf and cut her off as she was leaving for college.
It’s bullshit but their house, their rules. I can tell you as a parent I’m always worrying about how much freedom and boundaries to give my kids.
My advice: Lay low for a week or 2. Have your bf raise the issue in a few days. It really is his battle to fight and not really about you. This is about his relationship w his parents. Once he gets them to calm down and listen to reason then you can come talk w her.
He should save up and find his own roof to live under. Find roommates, split costs, set new boundaries with the parents.
The key for someone that age is not getting money from the parents. Controlling parents will use money to control their adult children when they move out or go to school.
How is he 19 with a curfew?
You can’t make her like you. This is just one of those occasions where not having your own place sucks.
There’s nothing wrong with you. To be clear. But you can’t change her.
Unless he gets a job and leave it’s no way to fix that.
He needs to become gainfully employed and get out of his parents house.
His Mother will run his life until he declares that he runs it himself. Religion is her excuse but this is just her personality. She cannot accept that her son is an adult with adult needs and wishes to exert the same control over him she had when he was younger.
As someone who had an overprotective Mother with a lot of retrograde hangups about sex….it only gets better when you get out and have the capability of drawing boundaries.
He needs to get his own place.
Not as easy as it sounds these days.
Be certain you want a future with this person if you wish to continue. An overbearing MIL or FIL gets so tiring over the years. You don’t want to waste time with someone whose family doesn’t welcome you as their own.
Idk my friend dates a girl of a different religion and her parents are the same way. She’s 28 but they’ve been living together for 4 years and when her parents come to visit he has to pack up and stay at a hotel and they’ll never be okay unless he converts to her religion, which is weird bc she doesn’t even practice it. Even weirder for a guys mom to treat him like that.
Dont bother with super religious people like his mom. They are as toxic as it gets.
From what you’re describing in your comments with your 19 years old boyfriend asking his mother for forgiveness for walking in on you, going to bible studies, having a curfew, it seems like he’s totally ok with following his mother’s rules. Don’t expect your situation to change any time soon and ask yourself if you can accept living like this.
Maybe reevaluate if you want her in your life at all? Meaning if you see yourself in a long term relationship with this kid, seems like mom is def part of the package. And you’re trying to get on her good side? You said she was religious and you tried having sex with her son at her house out of wedlock? Smarten up girl.
Time to fuck in the car
He’s 9 or 19!??
Don’t date religious people. They are no good and apply artificial limitations on what otherwise would be a natural, authentic, freeflowing and happy life.
Fuck her, she’s not religious she’s a bitch for going this far even saying you will never change and always be a bad person for how you were when you were 15-16
How stupid and unforgivibg is that ?! That stupid shit she’s saying has nothing to do with religion, religion’s just a poorly excuse for her foolishness and ego that she’s clearly enforcing on her son and you
Your live is better than that
Better, stronger and must not be destroyed by that stupid little shithead of a mother he has
Having rules, even strict rules is okay, but purposefully staying unforgiving and harsh is not
This is exactly how I met my wife’s dad, I was 20, she was 18, we were in her room getting frisky. He burst in and my shorts were around my ankles. He kicked me out and said I was never allowed back. I started walking down Jericho Turnpike towards TGI fridays to get my car and was thinking, damn, I really liked her. 2 minutes later she pulled up and picked me up. That was in 1999. We have been together every day since.
Stay strong
Be patient
Prioritise love and goodness of heart
But also don’t be a victim whether really or as an image
And everything will turn right eventually
Nineteen. Jfc I hate religion. Man’s an adult. Can’t he have an honest conversation with her?
Rescue him from his cop mom asap!! I hate parents that act this way. He’s a year past adult!! Is there an option for him to move out? Does he have a job? Do you? Can y’all get a place together? Going to college? Chance for a dorm?
My first bf broke up with me for similar reasons, his parents wanted a nice Christian girl (I’m Buddhist), also didn’t allow him to go out with me, no touchy touchy, even not to send me photos. He said that I “distracted him too much (with the sexual stuff)” and he wanted to be a good religious man who doesn’t commit any sins like his parents wanted him to be.
At the end it all depends on how strong-willed your bf is. If he has always been doing what his momma told, it would be hard for him to „rebel“. If he wants to finally live his life, best luck for you guys. But I just know that if he decides to drop you because his mom doesn’t like you, believe me Girl you deserve better!
Man i dont comment here often but people like this “Religious” Woman really make me wanna smash down a window.
So His mom is “Religious” and thinks Intercourse before marriage is Bad But apperantly thinks Forcing Her own Flesh and blood out of her house cus of his own choices is Ok.Any Religion person that deems this acceptable isnt worth shit imo and i should know im muslim myself but under no circumstance do i think forcing my beliefs onto my children is ok. I will teach them how i see things but its their choice if they wanna Follow on them or not.
What this woman did isnt just outright immoral its also what genuinely ends u up in hell.if you think abandoning your child cus of their beliefs is acceptable we’ll see if god thinks so aswell…
Not any sort of a solution but I am curious: What would the mother say if **her** parents, when she was young, told her that she had to renounce God or get out of their house? Which would she choose?
He’s an adult, wtf is this bullshit
It’s her house. She has a right to say what people do if they live with her. My advice to him is, move out lol
Get your own place?
Well your not adults sooo….suck it up kid.
God, she sounds a lot like my mom! Is she Asian/Filipino and a boomer?
That aside though, there’s really no easy way to get around her. He either has to succumb to all her demands no matter how unfair and nonsensical because technically he still lives “under her roof” and she provides for him, so the next best thing he can do is to find loopholes in her rules. Like what other people in the comments said, he has to start “making plans” to enroll in some class, take on a “shift in the school library” or make up some well thought out excuse so he can still have his own life without technically breaking any rules.
It’s the best option he has for now rather than moving out if he has no stable source of income or readily available funds.
You can’t change her. She has a super outdated mentality. I agree with others here, if you both want this to work, you will have to find a way to move out for college or he might just have to start tricking his mom into thinking he’s got a night club or something. Either way, it would be to his benefit to slowly start detaching from his parents. Maybe it’s something you can both talk about and set a plan to move out in a year or 6 months. I mean 19 is also a good age to start thinking about what you’re going to do with your life as an adult so it would be good for him anyways to have a plan. This will either be the reason you both grow and become a strong couple, or the reason you breakup.
Did you know she’s super religious before you decided to have sex with her son at her house?
Im in a similar but reverse situation. I am 31 male, she is 34 female. She has the evangical mother. Mine, alright with leaving us alone, even after catching us having sex in my bedroom. Due note, we werent having sex. I was rubbing my bare penis against her bloody panties in a vain hope of relieving her period discomfort. If she wasnt on her period, we likely would have been having sex. And have done the tango every sunday funday since. I am posting this so my girlfriend can find this post from my profile..
Just wanted to address this part:
> will always be a bad person because of the bad teenager I was at 15-16.
1. I did not have overprotective parents, but I did have parents who labeled some kids as “bad” and let me know that hanging out at certain places where the “bad kids” hung out was not a good thing. When I did start hanging out there and doing the things the “bad kids” were doing, it really wasn’t that bad. It was just what normal teenagers did. But it doesn’t change the fact that my parents saw that as “bad.” Whatever. Chances are you weren’t nearly as bad as she thought.
2. I don’t know how old you are now, but you will not always be the person you were at 15-16. Any adult who fails to see this probably hasn’t developed from their we-must-follow-the-rules person they were in, like, 4th grade. I always tell my kids if they’re the same person they were five years ago, then they just wasted 5 years of their life.
3. I’m Gen-X, and one thing I’ve noticed is that America has become way more puritanical than it was in my day. The things we did back then would be roundly criticized in today’s America. We just didn’t think anything of it. Nowadays you’ve got all sorts of crazies on the internet telling you what should and should not do. Fuck those incel deviant religionists that try to push their values on you. Live, man.