Me (26f) my bf (27f) tells me that texting someone on dating app while dating me is not cheating

49 comments

1. Are you in an exclusive relationship? If yes it’s definitely cheating, he literally went out on dates with her.

2. Lol damnnn. Well to put it in perspective, for me, just *downloading* a dating app is cheating to me. If someone wants friends I feel there are tons of ways to make them that are so much less sketchy.

   That being said… it’s been 1.5 years and he hasn’t said I love you, that’s something to think about, do you think he will ever get there or are you ok with this being forever casual or how do you feel about your overall relationship progression?

   What defines cheating is different for every person and because of that it’s important to talk to your partner prettt early on and define what is cheating for each of you. That’s where you can communicate each of your boundaries. It might be time to sit and have that convo now. For ME PERSONALLY, I get the feeling that this relationship cannot be salvaged, he doesn’t love you (sorry) and he doesn’t really care if you feel secure and respected, and he is willing to risk losing you just to talk to some girls on the app. My standards wouldn’t allow for all of that so I would go elsewhere. You must decide for yourself what you want a relaruonship to look like and if this is salvageable or not

3. He’s been on a couple of dates with her.

   He’s still looking for a better offer, and now you know he doesn’t love you.

   It’s time for you to move on. He’s not committed to you.

4. He’s not as committed as you are. You can be ok with that or move on. You guys are not on the same page.

5. “Texting someone on a dating app while dating me is not cheating”

   Yeah, and I have a bridge to sell you in Alaska.

   Clearly this guy is not ready to commit to you. Go find someone else.

6. What does it matter if its “cheating”, he is disrespecting your relationship with him.

   I would say its not cheating because there was no sex. Others call watching porn while in a relationship is cheating.

   The question is what is acceptable to you in a relationship. If his being on a dating site while in a relationship with you is unacceptable, act on that.

7. Definitely cheating

8. I’m all for taking things slowly and not becoming exclusive immediately and dating other people but….1.5 years in? Have you two really not had a talk about exclusivity?

   I think it’s naive of you to expect exclusivity after one date even though that’s how you operate but this is ridiculous.

   If he truly is just friends with her that’s one thing. But the way he has framed this and the fact that it started more than a year into your relationship? That’s nuts to me and I feel like he’s gaslighting you.

   If he’s not ready to be exclusive at 1.5 years then this doesn’t seem like a good fit.

9. Unless you’re in an open relationship, it’s cheating.

10. Either way, cheating or not, do you really want to wait around another 18 months for him to decide he wants to commit to you?

11. Why are you on Reddit and not looking for a new bf?

12. Did you ever state terms that you’re exclusive? I know some people assume, but there are always the boneheads like him who will say since it wasn’t discussed, it was “never official.”

    If you discussed it, and you’re truly exclusive, then absolutely even HAVING a dating app makes it cheating. Whatever you consider cheating he should know, because you should tell him, but he shouldn’t be seeking out other women if he has a girlfriend.

13. it’s cheating to *you*, he’s disrespecting *you*.

    he’s looking for his next sure thing, and …. *you are not it*.

14. There’s no doubt that it’s cheating and there’s no doubt that this is just the first time you’ve caught him.

    Move on and I hope you have a wonderful future away from this.

15. He’s single and you’re not girl smh

16. The question you should be asking, why are you still with him?

17. He’s monkey branching. It’s time to end it.

18. I mean this in the best way possible and I know its gonna come out mean but — do you have a single standard of your own without people telling you what to think? If we all say “this is not cheating” are you just gonna go back to a relationship that feels this bad and deal with it? What do *you* want? What are *your standards* for cheating? What are your standards for how you want to be treated? Is he meeting those standards, or are we just in relationships because we can’t say no, and being treated like garbage is our cure for loneliness?

19. This is an exclusive relationship right? If it is, is this dude dense? If it’s not, I’m not condoning his behavior one bit, but 1.5 years of dating?! That’s a long ass talking stage.

20. >Will this be termed as cheating or not

    who gives a shit what its called

21. you are a B plan. he is waiting for the A plan.

22. If he had just met her and talked to her as a friend, why did he not tell you? Why hide it?

23. If this “isn’t cheating” then I must be batman. Honestly, break up with him. You deserve better. People use dating apps to hookup or go on dates, not to hangout to find friends. He is clearly dating other women to see if there is something else better than you. Which is a clear sign he really doesn’t deserve you. Personally I hate dating apps, tried it once and never using them again! I ended up in a long term relationship with my tinder date (my first and my last), he’s used it before for hookups and oh boy, he was a nasty, manipulative, lying, cheating piece of trash! Yeah, sure there has been some positive outcomes for people who have made successful relationships on dating apps. But knowing my luck and others, we just end up with liars, lol.

24. If you did it all hell would break free

25. If texting on a dating app isn’t cheating then i have beach front property to sell you in Nevada

26. Idk if it’s “cheating” persay, but it’s wildly disrespectful and you shouldn’t put up with it. You acted exactly like every man wishes a woman would, deleting the app and presumably cutting off guys with interest. If he isn’t willing to do the same, there are plenty of guys looking for a loyal woman out there who will return that loyalty. Sorry you have to deal with this.

27. Having a dating app while with someone is cheating and a big red flag.

28. Girl leave

29. you are 26. dump this idiot and go find someone else who has the same values and ideas of dating as you do.

30. He thinks it’s absolutely fine because as he said he never said he loves you. Time to move on you can do better than this fool.

31. You’re technically just a place holder while he actually find who he wants. If a man wants something with you he’ll make it clear. Don’t allow yourself to be with someone’s placeholder. You deserve better.

32. Cheating doesn’t have to be smxual or physical.
    My ex had tinder when we were dating, I asked why? His response was “to find people to sell weed to.” I guess everyone has a different definition of cheating, but in my eyes whatever the reason is, you have a dating app that you’re using still, so you’re keeping options open. It wasn’t right. That wasn’t right what he did to you & if he wasn’t sure about loving you then he should’ve said something beforehand

33. Whatever man. If you are not comfortable with something you say so. That’s it. If it’s a deal breaker and it doesn’t stop let go.

34. CHEATINGGG. 1.5 years and he’s STILL keeping his options open. Boy bye. Throw that whole man away. You’re a queen. Treat yourself like one!

35. That’s cheating, imagine meeting someone on a dating sight GOING ON A DATE WITH THEM, and say it’s only a friend thing😭please, PLEASE breakup with this dude

36. I’m so sorry but you can find someone much better than this guy who considers you one of his options. Trust, he probably tells this other girl/s that you and he are just friends (because hey, he isn’t sure if he loves you, I guess that’s the boundary set for exclusivity idk)

37. That’s not a boyfriend, bestie. That’s a player. Don’t play his game. Walk away. I promise you, it’s better that way.

38. My boyfriend and I said we loved each other less than 2 months in, and we knew even sooner than that. If you love someone, you know sooner than over a year. You were hooked on him after the first date, but he’s still not interested enough. Think it’s time to move on and date someone who values you and can commit

39. If he didn’t tell you about it, yes it’s cheating! Very simple. He’s using word salad and trying to cover himself. Throw him to the curb!

40. He’s full of it, he cheats. Next time, don’t settle on the first guy you date and take your profile down. Dating is about being free to go out with whoever you want to go out with, take your time and date around.

41. You’re either dating or you aren’t. Even having a dating app installed when you’re already seeing someone is trash tier behavior, and it’s a good sign that you should be ridding yourself of this person ASAP.

42. He shouldn’t have any sort of dating apps. No accounts, no matches, and definitely no conversations. It’s widely considered a precursor to cheating. He’s looking to see what his options are. If he were satisfied with your relationship, he wouldn’t be on those apps.

43. Yes it’s cheating. Move on.

44. Ultimately, cheating is a disrespecting of boundaries around the faithfulness of your relationship. Each relationship or even person can have their own ideas of what cheating is so it’s really important to define that during the building blocks of your relationship, or even redefine it as your relationship evolves. Polyamory is a great example of how defining cheating works bc obviously with polyamory, other people get involved. You have to know what the rules are. For analogy’s sake, think of a relationship like a game. A game has a set of rules and if you break those rules, that’s cheating. We all know the foundational rules of Uno but there are some rules that people play differently. In other words, can you stack cards, do you draw 5 or keep going when you can’t put down a card, etc.

    My girlfriend and I came into our relationship with different ideas of what consists of cheating, but we talked it out and made the boundaries so we know what makes the other comfortable. For example, while I think it’s wrong, I wouldn’t consider hanging out with someone who I know has feelings for me as cheating, but she does. So out of respect for her boundaries, we labeled that as a type of cheating.

    In this particular case, I tend to air on the side of technicality but that doesn’t change the way it makes you uncomfortable. Yes, if she’s just a friend and he’s going out with her, I wouldn’t consider it cheating, but it doesn’t matter what I think. It matters how it makes you feel and how much you trust him. By virtue that they met on a dating app goes to show that motivations might not be completely platonic, and that’s where the red flags pop up for me. The other thing I’m thinking about is timeline… while I don’t like to spring ideas in people’s heads without merit, I do find it suspicious that it wasn’t that long after you said “I love you” that he started hanging out with the girl. I question if he panicked and went back on the apps since he was unsure of what to do.

    Finally, if there is any way to confirm his story, I’d pursue that. The situation is already weird, but if you say find out that he’s been lying to this other girl about your existence, that’s even more incriminating. That I think would be an example of breaking the foundational rules of “uno” and without much doubt would be cheating.

45. It’s been 1.5 years if he still isn’t sure he loves you then he never will. That plus the fact he’s still dating of the apps (even if there was no sex or kissing involved) means you are just a place holder for him.

    You’re basiclly a convenient lay untill he finds “the one”.

    He’s stringing you along.

    In his mind he’s not the bad guy – he didn’t tell you he loves you, therefore what he does is not cheating, because your situationship doesn’t constitute a fully committed monogamous relationship. At best he’s not sleeping with others because he considers it a basic courtesy in your situationship (maybe even fwb in his mind). You can’t even accuse him of emotional cheating since he apparently has none for you.

    Just drop him and find yourself a guy who will actually deserve you instead of this emotionless dipstick.

46. you want honesty? wake up and break up. you deserve so much better

47. Yeah that is unacceptable. If a girl did the same thing to me I would be raging.

48. I wouldn’t even be questioning this.

    He is a cheater.

    Very simple solution, end it.

49. Sorry Op but it sounds like he’s stringing you along til something better shows up. I’d drop him and move on. He doesn’t sound like he wants to settle down with you.