Boyfriend does not want to have sex because hes tired

4 comments

1. I wouldn’t read too much into it to be honest. At least not more than there might actually be. A lame ass excuse is only as lame ass as the other person defines it. Being tired can take a huge toll on the sex life.

   Talk to him about it and ask what you can do to improve the situation (it takes 2 in a relationship).

   My bf and I have less sex in the summer time simply because he is tired from the heat and he doesn’t like to start things he can’t finish to not disappoint me and I take that like it it. Blaming him wouldn’t improve the situation at all.

2. So as a man who is in a loving relationship and is on the cusp of turning 30, I can tell you that there often comes a time in a man’s life where the ol’ libido just…nose dives. I thought I was the only one, but my other buddies have told me similar things. There could be a variety of different reasons why this happens, from self esteem issues, body issues, stress, depression, low testosterone, the list goes on. My girlfriend and I are probably having sex *maybe* once a week tops because I’m kind of in a libido lull right now, which I think is because I’ve put on some weight and its sort of hampered my confidence.

   All in all, the most important thing is to not blame yourself. You’re not suddenly unattractive or shitty in bed lol sometimes there’s underlying issues affecting sex drive and sometimes it’s just nature. Just maintain open and compassionate communication with him and try not to make him feel shitty about it. Express that you’re concerned about it and maybe he’ll open up about whatever issue may be going on, if there is one at all. Hang in there; I’m sure you guys will be back to lovin’ in no time lol

3. Forgive the bluntness here, but you don’t appear to trust him.

   He is TELLING you it’s because he is tired or is having body confidence issues – and you dismiss those explanations as “lame ass excuses”. How would you feel if you were ill, or tired and your bf called your polite refusals for sex “lame”?

   I can 100% understand that you are disappointed when you are turned down for sex – that is your right; you put yourself out there and were turned down. BUT that is on YOU, not on him, and it is not fair to brand his – perfectly reasonable – reasons as “lame”. That’s reductive and insulting, and if the genders were reversed, your bf would be called every name under the sun for calling you that. Why are you so quick to dismiss what he says? Has he given you reason to believe he might lie to you? If so, then THAT needs to be addressed first. If not, however, if he hasn’t ever given you reason not to believe him, why don’t you believe him?

   THAT SAID, speaking as the lower libido husband of a high libido wife, he DOES need to take your needs seriously and try to at least give you SOMETHING when he’s not feeling up to it – he still has hands and a mouth after all. What you need to do, for your part, is give him reason to WANT to, by being empathetic to what he says he’s feeling – tired and having body confidence issues. Again, reverse the genders and your bf would be told to reassure you that he finds you attractive and that whatever body issue you have, it doesn’t affect him in the slightest. Practice a bit of empathy for him and you’ll find him wanting to reciprocate your affection. It’s also likely that the 10 year age difference is making him a bit insecure. Mid 30s men are usually veering towards the “dad bod” years while men your own age usually are in far more of peak physical condition and he’s probably worried that you’ll eventually go for one of them instead of him.

4. Do you masturbate