What do you do when your relationship takes a hit?

15 comments

1. one time my girl took us to extreme couples therapy

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   i was taken to a room with a coffin and she was in it

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   that fucked me up because i didnt get right away it was part of the couples therapy

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   we were shown videos of people who lost their lovers in the middle of an argument. not lost as in break up. lost as in they are no longer breathing

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   now when she does shit. even outrageous shit. i think of that. nothing fucking matters but making sure my final moments with her are beautiful. think of things that way

2. You move on and not repeat aka learn from it

3. Self improve

4. It’s hard to say when we dont know the casue of the argument. Some causes are harder to recover from than others.. Like did you cheat? Did you call her something mean? Did you break the trust in some way? Those things are super hard to recover from.

   But is it something more trivial like you forgot to take out the trash for the 10th time, it can be solved by communicating, apologize and better yourself, validate her feelings etc

5. You work through the issue as calmly as you can, if the issue is resolved then you move on and take this as a learning experience. I’m going to assume there was a lapse in communication causing the argument, next time you’ll likely communicate better to avoid it happening again.

   Maybe try couples counseling, it never hurts. I’d recommend individual therapy for you both just because it never hurts to talk though things with a therapist. My therapist improved my relationship a ton, especially when it comes to arguments it can be amazing to get expert advice on the situation.

6. How would we know, we don’t know your relationship or how bad the fight was, u have to play this by ear and act based on how the situation unfolds

7. Just been creeping on your previous posts, 4 days ago you posted about your GF having strict standards and being incredibly judgemental, you also have ADHD which can complicate relationships a bit, so perhaps you can be quite reactive and sometimes things get said in haste and out of frustration, likely because she is frustrating you.

   I’m going to take a wild guess and say that your missus is a bit abusive and the argument that was started wasn’t entirely your fault, **but now you are being made to feel like it was.**

   I would also guess that she is telling you that she has lost feelings and is giving you the old silent treatment, this is manipulative behaviour, the aim is that you do what she wants.

   Best advice is to walk the fuck away and block this person, you are not helping yourself by staying in confusing relationshsips

8. Talk open and honest with her. Come from a place of wanting to solve the problem.

9. >I feel absolutely shredded knowing how much I have damaged the relationship

   Why put all the blame on you? Where two fight, there’s usually a shared responsibility.

   It sounds strange to me that ***you*** are the one having to repair things.

10. Shes going to let you down “softly” soon enough.

11. On the surface from your description, a knee jerk reaction would lead 1 to surmise that she is projecting blame onto you.

    However, questions need to be asked and answered: what specifically caused her to lose feelings, what can be done to restore what was lost, what does she say you did to “… damage the relationship …”, is she completely without fault in this, was couple therapy off the table or mentioned as a way to help mend fences …?

12. Depends what the argument was over? Without context it’s hard to give advice.

13. From a female perspective: acknowledge whatever the reason for the argument was about, and what is damaged. Assess it. Like really break it down. If you want to continue your relationship with her and it isn’t one sided (I’m sure you know but relationships are a 2 way street so both people have to be willing) PLEASE DO THE DAMN WORK.

    We all mess up. We all get in arguments.. It’s what we take away from the screw ups and make minor adjustments to ourselves, notice we may of been wrong, etc.

    I swear by couples counseling to be honest. I’m not going to lie you and say it’s easy, but it is definitely worth it IF both people are willing.

    Best of luck dude

14. Give yourselves some time to calm down and talk about it when you’re ready. It’s not the end of the relationship if you guys are mature about it.

15. Walk away.

    She’ll be holding what ever you did over your head for a long time and extracting concessions from you because of it. Women do not easily forgive and never forget.

    Don’t debase yourself and grovel. You fucked up with that one. Move on to the next one.