Am I (24M) being selfish/overreacting in this situation with my GF (23F)

Me and my GF have been together for almost 2 years. We had dated from Dec of 2021 to August of 2022, then broke up due to my mental health while on Accutane causing me to overthink things and both of us being toxic towards each other. Late October of 2022, she had reached out for us to exchange things, we reconnected. and were both in way better places than we were. I would say we definitely rushed back into things but I ended up moving out from home December of 2022 due to a job opportunity, and she moved in with me since we were going to be an hour and a half apart (I told her she can move in with me). We live in a 2BR 2 BA apartment with a friend of mine from college and split the rent per room. At first I told her to not worry about paying for things until she finds a job and my roommate and I split rent/utilites for the first two months. She got hired in January and I asked for assistance with the utilities, 2/3 of electricity, and half of groceries and I’d cover rent. She also uses my vehicle to get to and from work, so if there’s no gas, she covers that.

Rent = 1150 per room, utilities and electricity about 380 max, and half of groceries normally 150-200.

So she was paying about half of what I pay (580 max). This is due to our pay difference, she makes half or less than what I make (she is hourly).

Around May, I realized she was struggling financially, so I told her that I can cover 70% of groceries and she can cover the remaining 30%.

Come June, I ask for her part, and she tells me that she has to spend a lot on my birthday gifts (In June). I told her she didn’t need to get me anything just something small, I normally don’t like doing too much for my birthday, but nonetheless, I told her to not worry about it, I’ll cover her part for that month. My birthday comes and she surprises me with an overly expensive gift. I’m extremely grateful but am now seeing the backlash of it.

Come July, I ask for her part and she says she’ll pay me when she gets paid. She got paid a week into the month, but our dog also had to visit the doctor. She sent me the total for the dog, and I told her to subtract what she owes me for utilities/electricity and send me the remainder (approx. $170). She got annoyed and told me how she’s going to have $0 in her bank if she sends me that money. I told her don’t worry about it again and she said she’d pay me when she got paid again (have not received a payment from her since May for any of our essentials (groceries etc.)). Don’t get me wrong, she pays for small shopping trips and things for herself.

I would love to help her out more but financially I’ve been overwhelmed and have spent a lot of money on getting furniture for the apartment, trips for us, things for us and a tattoo I had planned on getting for a while. I ask her if we can sit down and budget our salaries and she seems to get annoyed whenever I ask because she always says her pay varies on hours (which I completely understand, but an average can be calculated and adjustments can be made). She gets at least 30-40 hours (sometimes more) unless she takes time off, which is not often. I’ve told her to apply to other places just to keep her options open so maybe she can get better hours and be able to be home more during the day but she tells me no other place pays more than where she is at and accuses me of wanting her to quit her job. She doesn’t make much and blames it on not going to school. I also want her to go to school but she complains that she can’t afford it. I personally thought financial aid would be able to assist a majority of the cost of school but she says no.

As for household duties, I have the privilege of working from home (9-5), while she works in office for a majority of the day (ex. 9-6). When she moved in, she brought her two cats, then in around March, she had found her dream pup for a deal and we added him to the household. I don’t mind taking care of her cats when she’s not home but I find myself feeding them a majority of the time when she is home as well. As for the dog, there are days that are the same. I completely understand I am home and if I have time, it shouldn’t matter, but honestly have been feeling like a stay at home wife that also covers the bills.

She is definitely, the better cook of us two. I can definitely handle myself in the kitchen but I would call myself a novice that has picked up a few skills from my motha. Nonetheless, there are days that I’ll have time to cook and I’ll surprise her with a meal when she gets home. The days I don’t have time to cook, she’ll get home, rest for a few hours, and then end up asking me to cut the meat for her, while I also cook the rice and beans. If that’s the case, we end up eating after 10 PM, although I prefer to eat between 7-8PM, which is why I’ve been taking care of that more often. As for dishes, I handle them normally on most occasions.

As for intimacy, she is asexual, as told by her gyno (she told me she’s been to doctors and that I could go with her if I didn’t believe her). I am very intimate, it’s not something I need every day but after some time, I do get frustrated. At the beginning of the relationship, we had sex whenever we’d see each other, as couple of months went by, it went from a couple of times a week, to once a week, to once every two weeks, to June being the entire month without it. I had gotten frustrated and sat down to talk with her. I told her that if she’d be losing herself/mentally hurting herself to keep up with me, to let me know and we’d come to a decision because I don’t want to hurt her, but it is difficult to lay next to someone every night you’re extremely attracted to and have to hold in your desires to be intimate. I personally don’t want to feel like I’m in a 40 year old marriage when I’m 24. She said she’s willing to try and do it a few times a week and she’s held up her word so far, which I truly do appreciate and always make sure she gets her end of the bargain in that as I always have.

I truly do love this girl with all my heart and she is my best friend but some times she makes me not want to be with her and think about if our lives would be better without each other. These few interactions I’ve told you, are things that have been pushing me away. I feel like I add stress to her life with my expectations and what I want/need out of a partner although I also try doing as much as I can. I know if we were to split, she would be in a tough situation, as her moms house is full and she has this job here that she wouldn’t quit because she says she loves it there since she works with animals and would want to go to school for that. I have thoughts of if we split, she can put her focus on her career/school and maybe down the road a few years from now we can try again if our paths align. I truly don’t want to lose her but just feel like I’m at a crossroad and feel stuck.

I’ve tried to summarize our situation as best as I could but I know I am the only one in the situation to have the full grasp. I come to you to see if you think I’m overreacting/being selfish here?

Thank you all!

TL:DR: I feel like I cover a lot in my relationship and feel like were not making any progress but my girlfriend doesn’t seem to want to make changes or put the effort in to making a more balanced dynamic within our household. Am I overreacting/overthinking?