I’m 29F, I get more gray hair then these girls. I just feel like I have to try and strive for perfection because this is what guys see on social media.
Most of the guys I’ve had conversations with and went on dates with are following a TON of random women that post a lot bikini or lingerie photos and they could be from the same city.
I just can’t compete!
49 comments
First off, I’m sorry you’re feeling like that. Know this, to the right person it won’t be a competition. Perfection means different things to different people. Don’t give up.
You shouldn’t compare yourself to IG models. Also tons of men don’t follow that shit, none of my exes did and I’d never even consider man who follows tons of ig models. Men like this exist.
If it helps:
1) Men may appreciate how certain women may look but that doesn’t mean they want to marry them. Men can appreciate eye candy without anything deeper occurring.
2) I for one swipe left on anyone I think is using a filter; it just screams catfish so I wouldn’t advise you compete in that particular arms race.
3) Many guys regard women who put themselves out there without makeup on as a green flag.
Most guys will be able to get turned on if they are not ill, stressed, low testosterone or porn addicted (or you are unattractive in that you are too ‘curvy’ etc).
Get off IG. Felt a lot better since I did.
Some guys aren’t on any social media.
I’m your age, I don’t use social media or dating apps. I don’t go out to bars. I spend most of my free time with my family or friends, picking up the slack that gets neglected during the week. I just don’t even know how I’m supposed to meet people like you. I see a lot of women my age complaining about the dating scene, but the only time I ever feel remotely insecure is when I try to play the dating game.
How do you know they’re conditioned to only like IG models? They’re on a date with you no?
There are men out there who care way more about how you would be as a mother and wife than how you look in a bikini. If you communicate your values and goals and vision for life on a first date it will excite the kind of guys looking to get a wife and at 29 you’ll find many guts in their early thirties looking for a woman such as this.
If those aren’t your goals and you want to compete with ig models for the attention of shallow men then i don’t face advice for you
I bet you can, don’t sell yourself short.
Holy shit, jesus fuck. This is the second time I’ve had to say this this week.
MEN. DON’T. NEED. IG. MODELS. TO. BE. HAPPY.
As long as you decently take care of your body, and you’re somewhat pretty in the face, you’ll attract dudes.
My IG, I followed literally no one that I hadn’t talked to in real life. AND I don’t have it anymore because it got nuked because I was telling conservatives off in NO uncertain terms on an NPR post about forced birth in the US that they can fuck off.
Have I SEEN an IG model once in my life? Yep. Big fuckin deal. Whoop dee doo. Nice to look at, but I don’t delude myself into thinking they’d ever even have a small conversation with me. People like that, dudes and chicks, have SEVERE superiority complexes and narcissistic traits. I don’t want to date someone that thinks I’m inferior to them, just like women don’t!
Are there OF models and porn actresses that are hot? Sure! But there’s nothing hotter than a woman that ACTUALLY likes you that sends you signals that she wants to ACTUALLY be physical with you, and not engage in some parasocial bullshit. Not that I don’t watch porn, but I’d MUCH rather a woman I’ve actually gone on a date with send me a sexy nude or lingerie picture than pay some random woman, who I know wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire, to do the same. Half of the sexiness of women is feeling ACTUALLY desired by one of the mother fuckers!
Why in the shit are you so worried about dudes who are addicted to that shit, or on the flip side, dudes who have superiority complexes over everyone they meet?
The hard part is going to be tossing the ultra rich attractive dude that just wants to use you for a quickie and dump you. Match on your level, and you’ll be fine.
The only reason you can’t “compete” with IG models is because you’re forcing yourself to compete with them. Those “power couple” relationships always end in flames or both people are dead inside, anyway. Compete on your level. So what you aren’t Gal Gadot? MOST WOMEN AREN’T.
It’s the EXACT same logic of crusty, socially awkward, poor hygiene men talking about “I can’t compete with Chad.” THEN STOP COMPETING WITH FUCKING CHAD.
Stop chasing dragons. The only reason you’ve convinced yourself that you “cAnT cOmPeTe” with IG models is because you’re chasing the goons they chase. Both those women and those dudes aren’t worth competing against because they’re all so vain and addicted to status and money that they don’t even know what the fuck love even is. It’s a relationship for status, not love.
And don’t take me saying “compete on your level” as an insult as a lot of women telling men the same thing tend to do. You’re probably JUST FINE. There’s nothing wrong with you. Are you a good person that knows how to treat your partners with respect and dignity? That knows how to respect your partner’s needs and boundaries while respecting your own? Congrats. You get literally whoever you want as long as he doesn’t drive a Ferrari! You win! You did it! Now just go fuckin date a guy.
Just because the guys are “following” a ton of IG girls…doesn’t mean that they are actually getting dates from those girls.
Stop basing the dating pool on IG. It’s not the real world.
Those women on IG are often photoshopped, surgeried, and filtered to within an inch of their life. You ever been to r/instagramreality?
You’re also probably way prettier than you give yourself credit for too – I mean, these guys are going on dates with you.
I have met a decent amount of young guys who are single and lonely. If they’re all holding out for a “model,” then they’re going to be single for a very long time.
Please don’t compare yourself to those IG women. Every man I’ve talked to doesn’t look at IG women as “real”. Why would you want a man who looks at all that anyway? Believe me, men want a woman who is real, substantial & mature.
I’ve been seeing this everywhere on dating subs recently, I don’t have an instagram, follow porn subs, sub to any onlyfans, and all my TikTok and YouTube shorts are all videos of trades like plumbing and carpentry, and scumbagdad. It’s become so normal for dudes to have eye candy in whatever they’re doing and watching, I’m glad it still gives some women the ick. The algorithms don’t force stuff like that on me because I don’t seek it, I don’t believe any of that “oh instagram/TikTok just recommended them to me, I didn’t look for it”.
No, only certain types of guys are into that “look”. The type of guys you don’t really need in your life.
Mature, intelligent guys actually dislike the filtered IG “models” / thirst traps.
Hm let’s see — a rl woman vs a virtual woman. There, you win because you are real.
Also, how successful do you think these men you are dating are in landing those dreamy ig models? Lol as if. Besides, he’d probably not even recognize those ig models irl without all the filters. Lol
Also also, just don’t date guys who follow tons of virtual women. Most men barely do social media. Idek where you are finding these “fine” men.
I deleted my IG entirely cause I was following all these thots and my online dating app experience became way better
Those girls are only after guys playing the same game. Unless that’s your lifestyle too, I’d ignore all of it and focus on meeting people with similar vibes.
Trust me, those guys are not worth it and the ones who don’t like those type of girls exist.
Nine times out of ten majority of those women on IG are in a long-term relationship or married. I wouldn’t worry about what they look like. Just do your own thing. The right person will come along.
Without seeing a picture its hard to say if youre being too hard on yourself but if i had to guess….id say youre being too hard on yourself.
Limit social media usage or get off it entirely, it gives a skewed view of the norm. Those IG models dont even look like their pics in real life half of the time.
Unless you’re in NYC, Miami, and Cali, you really don’t gotta worry about ig models taking your man for fun.
Typical guy here, never been on IG or any other social media other than Reddit or FB. I can personally tell you that a lot of us are turned off by the fake superficial content “influencer’s” put out. We do exist. Just keep looking.
This is not real
Well, at the end anyone is free to have preferences, if they prefer an a edited IG model instead of you they are free to do it.
At the same time, many girls its looking for the top tier #1 men who is athletic, 6 foot height and millionaire.
All the humans have preferences and you must accept it and move on.
You will find someone who don’t have those preferences, it’s more very common than you think.
Probably the only guys looking for those kind of girls are the type of guys what you are looking for 👀👀👀
Become younger
You’re real, they’re not. Big difference!
You don’t have to compete! We all (men and women) have certain aesthetics we’re drawn to on other people. Just because someone follows some sexy IG models doesn’t mean that’s all they’re attracted to. I say this as a chubby, 49 year old woman who has had more than my fair share of interest from very handsome men my entire life. Personality, intelligence, values and sexual compatibility will always be the deciding factor for a long term relationship, not just looks. Plus the odds of those models wanting the majority of these guys back are pretty damn slim, lol! You’re amazing & worthy of love, don’t forget that!
And the guys say they can’t get a lady for the same reason. They don’t understand that half the accts they are talking to are either fake or attention profiles. Plenty of us real guys out here to talk to.
You will be fine assuming you are realistic with your dating market value and what you expect in return. Go to your local grocery store most people and most couples aren’t exactly conventionally attractive…70+% of the people in the US are overweight or obese for example and yet they find each other. If you are chasing after tall, educated, fit, and financially stable men then you will have to compete more on attraction but that’s the value proposition you have to make for yourself. The data shows women are more picky than men so you are fine…
I understand this but at this point for me, it’s a complete turn off if they’re like this. It’s not too much of an insecurity thing, it’s just something I know I wouldn’t like in a partner; like if he can’t find anything else on the whole internet to look at in his free time other than people’s bodies, I doubt we’ll have a lot to talk about.
Those photos hurt female self esteem worse; because, they can never look like that. Walk around your city and you will never see anything like that.
Or stop being judgemental, they ppl too. They most the time work on themselves. I’ve had many friends that are social influencers they have strict diets, make up routines and workout strictly. Do not undermined their efforts.
>I just can’t compete!
But no one asked you to. Other women are aware of the IG models but are not lamenting about competing with them. The same way super models who are legit paid, working models exist, but you’re not worried about them as your competition. Try more appreciation for yourself and worry less about women on IG. Isn’t dating hard enough without adding this to the mix?
It’s not reality and any guy (or girl) with half a brain that uses social media will know this. Basically, if they are looking for these “perfect” men/women, it’s clear to me they have very little experience in the real world.
The amount of retouching, filters and photo manipulation on these platforms is insane. Don’t stress yourself out comparing them to you. I promise you they don’t look like that in real life. They have all the same insecurities, “flaws”, and other things that come with being human.
I think you are beating yourself up.
If you are pretty nice looking im sure plenty of guy wanna date you. Any grown ass man spending all day on ig and desensitized to natural real beauty isn’t worth your time anyway
Word. Most guys don’t even realize or believe that these women are heavily filtered or contoured/highlighted, nipped/ticked, whatever….I feel you
Eh I rarely use IG so I guess I am your target demographic lol. I actually DON’T like overly fake plastic faces of those IG models..
But seriously, get off IG.. The best descision I made.
Friend youre not supposed to compete this chics are fantasy women…..Aren’t they, If they are truly falling for these chics he deserves the forsure unmade bed he will be forced to sleep in, most nights I would assume alone No body likes going to bed with a 10 and waking up with a 2 by the time excessive make up eyelashes are removed unrecognizable…..Im almost 50 years old and have manged to catch some amazing men. Using the same pink tube of mascara and my foundation a little tiny bit thicker. Now nearing what I consider my hag age I still can pull enough cubs to fill my bed……
If a guy is following a lot of thirst traps on IG, is that really the kind of guy you want? Would you be fine with him following and ogling all those girls during your relationship?
Use it as a filter, instead of trying to match their screwed up standards,move past them and find someone who hasn’t messed up their image of what’s normal.
I’m a man who detests social media and all the harm the people on Facebook, Instagram, twitter etc do to one another. I left 6 years ago and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. IG models wouldn’t do anything for me, they’re not reality and deeply flawed IMO if you look under their makeup, clothes, hair, they’re hiding something such as insecurity and want attention usually the wrong type.
I say all of this to say I would take someone like you who is real, grey hair or not any day over one of them. Not all of us want IG models, some want a real person not a fantasy
Guys don’t only like “perfect” beauty standard women. Following doesn’t mean this is only what they like or date. A quick bit of people watching and you’ll see this isn’t so. If you have a diverse group of friends you can trade phones and see too. I usually hear statements from gal pals like “i’m not cool enough” or questions about preference like “do guys have height preferences” and I think men are a bit less particular and like whomever they like. Trying to align to one’s guys preference will filter other good possibilities. Strive for good health and the body you actually want and sustain that for your own happiness and things will get better. Also fun fact: gray hair can be attractive
My girlfriend has a gut, 2 kids from 2 dads, and avoidant attachment. I’m single, mid-high earning, own my own single family, and fool with a couple of expensive hobbies. Not every man is out there looking for a 9/10, some of us just want someone that shares our interests.
Maybe you’re pursuing the wrong ledes, and the dating app your on is going to steer you toward the aesthetically inclined instead of like… actual realistic long-term compatibility? Don’t get me wrong, I loathe OLD and have had far less success on it as a guy in his mid 30s, but I’d much rather someone with good conversation and interest overlap than model looks. There’s a fine line there too; physical attraction matters, but it isn’t the be-all-end-all of it, unless you’re just aiming for 1 night stands.
Why are you in competition with someone you’ve never met, over a person you’ve just met?
This isn’t about the girls or the guys. This is about how you feel about yourself.
YES 🗣️ WE 🗣️CAN!🗣️
I’ve learned confidence is 100% the key! ❤️
That’s what’s wrong with trying to date these days. It’s not just men, it’s women too. These model type people are becoming peoples standards and apps like Tinder are just places for people to play hot or not and hope it goes well, and it usually doesn’t.
Why are you even competing?
Pick a dude. Any dude that you’ll bump into IRL. As long as you’re somewhat independent, and take decent care of yourself…. you can literally have any guy if you just be his friend, and make him feel like the last man on earth.
I fall for this everytime, and then, once you women get your validation, it’s on to the next guy 🖕🏻
Idk how to break this cycle
“Perfect” does not exist in the real world.
Just cause I follow them doesn’t mean I want that IRL.
IG models and most on Social Media live in a different lifestyle, one that I am not interested in. It’s just a fantasy.
IRL I want a real normal girl who works a real job and has family she loves and cares and she is emotionally, mentally Stable.