This may sound weird but it’s a genuine question. If a girl has anxiety is that a turn
off? When does female mental health become too much for you to handle? Thanks guys in advance for the replies :))

50 comments

  1. Oh hello fellow anxiety holder. It can’t be a turn off if I got it too haha.

  2. >When does female mental health become too much for you to handle?

    When they are noticeable.

    >If a girl has anxiety is that a turn off?

    Yes if she doesn’t have it under control, if a person can’t adult correctly due to whatever, i prefer to stay clear of that person.

  3. When it becomes an excuse to not do *anything* ever.

    When you start becoming known as,

    “you remember Jessica?”

    “The one with mental issues?”

    “Yeah, that one!”

    It’s a little ridiculous.

  4. If her anxiety just completely cripples her. Like when my ex said she’d come to my work party but I hid my excitement in introducing her to my friends. Yet still, she started to think about if they didn’t like her, so she pulled over halfway to the party and threw up on herself.

  6. I wouldn’t date anyone with mental health issues who wasn’t actively trying to treat them.

  7. Any mental health you don’t have under control or choose to ignore. I have mental health issues but I make sure I keep them under control so my wife wont have to deal with them.

  8. If a partner does nothing to control “their” mental health issues and they become “our” mental health issues, I will make it again “their” mental health issues. Don’t know why women think we’re gonna tolerate being treated like crap regardless of why. Do you ever hear “well, he hits me, but he has PTSD so everyone says I shouldn’t be a quitter”?

  9. I’m learning to cope with my mental health issues, and it wouldn’t be a turn-off per se… but as some have said already, it’s only an issue if it’s not managed well. Other than that, it’s not really an issue. Heck, might even learn me something.

  11. I can deal with you having mental health issues if you’re taking steps to control it, but I won’t put up with you being a total psycho. Even if it’s not your fault, I can’t cope with the stress of dating someone who’s completely unhinged, it’s never worth it.

    If you have anxiety, I don’t mind, so do I. If I’m into you, it won’t bother me, it can be something we both help each other with. I’ll take you to therapy, I’ll go in with you if you want me to.

    But if you’re a complete psycho, then no, I’m not up for that kind of life. I know guys who have dated psychos and the relationships never go well, they end up being single fathers or damaged in some way themselves and I don’t need that in my life.

  12. – When she needs constant reassurance that everything is ok

    – When her jealousy levels are very high

    – When she creates scenarios in her head with no evidence to back them up

    – When she gets angry and doesn’t feel the need to explain why or simply and honestly CAN’T explain why

    All of the above are exhausting and symptoms of severe anxiety

  13. Not doing anything to improve your mental health and using it as an excuse for shitty behavior.

  14. When she has it but refuses to actually do anything about it. Doesn’t want to try to change her lifestyle somehow to improve things, either with new hobbies, new friends, exercise, diet, or therapy.

  15. I have some heavy mental issues too so I’m not so scared easily by others mental illnesses. It is important for me that they work on it and do not use them as an excuse. When a girl for example says she can’t call me the first weeks because of her social anxiety than this is fine for me as long as I notice that she atleast tries to get to know me better. But if she completely shuts down that is a no from me personally. I’m not a doctor I can’t fix her but we can work together to make our lifes more worth living.

  16. If it’s all they talk about and chalk themselves up as incapable of doing numerous things as a result of the illnesses.

    Look, people have issues, I get it. When I was a teenager I had problems I had to work through. But someone needs to be able to work through their problems, and still get out and enjoy life.

    And maybe this is obvious but if mental health issues are the first thing people tell about themselves to you, that’s pretty much a no-go for any sort of relationship, platonic or otherwise.

  17. When they let that one thing become their identity and excuse for making stupid decisions or just generally being a bad person.

  18. “It’s not our job to fix them” is a popular answer.

    EDIT:

    I don’t believe that should be the *right* answer, but it’s something uttered from those claiming to be experienced in dating. Yet should not have any business getting married much less committing to a longterm relationship.

  19. The mental illness where you don’t seek help and continue to suffer and force others to suffer with you. Pride or ego death is not enough to destroy a person, just go find a therapist or group therapy that you feel comfortable in and get it out

  21. I have a sister with borderline personality disorder. She’s a pot stirrer and it’s tiresome.

  22. I have my own issues, I’m not such a hypocrite that I expect any possible mate to be perfect. However, if their emotional issues are so bad that it make my life harder with her than without her then I’ll go without. I want a partner that makes my life better not worse, that being said I can deal with some issues and some bad days so long as it’s worth it.

  23. Sorry, but I was married to a paranoid headcase with major abandonment, trust, and daddy issues. I knew this going in and told myself I could make it work, because, “love conquers all” right? No. It doesn’t. My marriage was a living hell life sentence in a prison of my own decision. After 5 years I called it… When we divorced I promised myself I’d never date anyone with mental conditions again. Been remarried for 10 years with a coolheaded even tempered amazing woman. Lesson I learned – don’t make anyone your cause.

  24. Both of my last two ex girlfriends had mental health issues. Obviously it wasn’t a dealbreaker in the beginning. But I do attribute it as the major component for why the relationships ended. One because she suffered great paranoia and lack of self-worth. And the other for a lack of empathy and narcissist leanings.

    Take note, lads. Be aware of the people who have exited your potential partner’s lives and the reasons why. And don’t think it can’t happen to you.

  25. I’m not doing SEVERE PTSD anymore. Nope! I’m sorry but I’m just not living in a situation where the entire home environment needs to revolve entirely around one person anymore.

    Edit: a word

  26. I used to have some hard lines on this stuff… but now that I’m nearly 40 and can’t think of a single ex that didn’t have some diagnosis or on some chronic pain meds… ive given up. Everyone is on something or has something it seems. I just never let them use it as an excuse for how they treat me.
    I’m transparent about this. I dont care if she’s having some manic episode, she’s 100% accountable for her behavior.

  27. Out of control anxiety is an active barrier to a relationship more than it would be a turn-off.

  29. Dated a girl that had some serious mental health issues. Here’s my take.

    1. She assumed that her problems could be fixed. The reality is to stop searching for a cure and be knowledgeable and proactive with mental health.

    2. She expected me to accept her as she is, when she didn’t accept herself.

    3. I felt pressured to always be involved with her mental health issues or I would be considered insensitive or insecure.

    4. I couldn’t be honest without sabotaging the relationship. I walked on eggshells because it felt like I wasn’t sure who I was talking to…was it her or the mental illness talking?

    5. I felt like I had to thin irrationally just to understand and predict what she was going to say or do. And that got exhausting. It was always the worst case scenario mentality.

  30. If shes overly jealous or says any variation of “my triggers are”

    Dont care – too annoying to go forward with

  31. I have quite high anxiety. I take medication for it.
    It was one of the key reasons my ex boyfriend ended our relationship. He saw my anxiety as a problem I needed to fix, and he couldn’t handle my fearful, flight moments. He had a lot of toxic positivity traits and, even though I had it _mostly_ under control, it wasn’t enough for him- he wanted the happy, positive side of me 100% of the time.

    My current partner of 1.5 years holds me through my anxiety attacks, reassures me often that I’m perfect for him exactly as I am, and acknowledges how hard I’m working to not let anxiety control my life.

    So, to answer your question in the original post… it depends on the man. There are good, understanding, loving men out there who will hold you through your dark moments.

  32. I am gay but my standard is: does the other person engage in a fully shared reality?

    When the answer is no, we are in red flag territory. There are always edge cases, of course, with folks who have well managed mental health.

    But. I did date a guy with well managed schizoaffective disorder when I was younger. When he got hit by a car on his commute to work and lost his job and then his health insurance, it was no longer well managed because he didn’t have access to mental health care.

    It was obviously a case of the system failing him but I was not equipped to be his safety net – nor would I be now.

  33. Dated a girl who was bi polar. The manic episodes were pretty bad.

    I’d like to avoid that in the future.

  35. It pisses me off when people use their mental health issue as an excuse to be a dick.

  36. I won’t date someone with chronic depression. Been there, done that. I can’t handle the apathy. They might genuinely love me, but it presents as merely tolerating me and that feels bad. I have my own emotional needs, I can’t keep trying and failing to meet yours and get little to nothing in return.

  37. What about developmental disorders? Things that cannot be fixed with medications, therapy ect. Only managed?
    Such disorders for example are adhd, asd, aspergers,aspd, ect. What do yall think of this?

  38. It’s hard to quantify but basically how much effort does it take to “deal with” (for lack of a better phrase) her mental health issues? Are we talking about a panic attack once or twice a year? Or weekly does she start screaming at me and throwing stuff and then acts like nothing happened 30 minutes later?

    Does anxiety mean i need to really encourage and cheerlead for her to go for a promotion at work? Or does it mean she never wants to leave the house?

    Is there acknowledgment after the fact that something was due to her mental health issues or is there denial and gaslighting about it?

    When things are good how good are they? When things are bad how bad are they?

    I’d have to evaluate it situationally and then make a determination whether I could handle it

  40. Mental health issues are an explanation for why someone struggles: not an excuse for shity behaviour.

    It’s a turn off when they have mental health problems that are causing shity behaviour but they’re not working on it, and are just leaning on it for a free pass excuse.

  41. Bi polar chicks are super fun but will destroy your life and self respect so act accordingly.

  42. Idk if this fits the question but I really don’t like when people claim others traits are “toxic”. Like the overuse of the word. It’s almost a form of gaslighting or something. “That’s toxic, you need to leave him” etc

  44. The morning after when she points you to the med cabinet for tylenol cause it was way too much fun, and you see a bottle of klonopin and a bottle of prozac right next to it. You shake them and the klonopin is half full while the other is full full.

    Shoulda noped outta there.
    I would have, if I knew what I know now.

  45. I would say my ex’s bipolar disorder was one of the main factors in our marriage going downhill. Unsurprisingly, I got frustrated taking care of her, but more surprisingly, she got frustrated at NOT taking care of me.

    As a woman, immigrant, with mental health issues, and physical health issues, who grew up in poverty with an abusive stepfather… it eventually made her resent me as a white male natural born American, with no health issues, who grew up in a loving middle class home. Even though I did everything I could for her, she really wanted to be with someone who could personally relate to the things she was going through. I couldn’t be that person, obviously, so it pulled us apart. And then I got more frustrated because I was putting in so much effort and it was having no positive effect on her.

    My current partner is very mentally stable. She gets a little anxiety once in a while, but I don’t think it’s enough to get diagnosed. We’re 4 years in now, and I’m MUCH happier with my life than I was when I was 4 years in with my wife. I love how independent and capable she is.

    My experience has shown me that mentally struggling people should date other mentally struggling people, and mentally healthy people should date other mentally healthy people. “Would a guy date me with my mental health challenges?” is a good question, but “Do I want to date and accept emotional support from a guy without mental health challenges who doesn’t understand what I’m going through?” might be a better question.

  46. I was with a woman who would intentionally self-sabotage. If things are perfect, she’d make it not perfect by compulsion.

    She played with my emotions and acted surprisedpikachu.jpg when she finally got me upset.

    I’m glad it is over. I learned a lot. Praise be to my wife for who she is. Love her.

  47. When she’s “an empath”. Almost 100% an indicator that she has massive insecurity and will project all her emotions onto you then gaslight you for them.

  48. Using it as a personality trait. I myself deal with depression/anxiety and do everything in my power to not let it take over my life or be defined by it. Very few people even know I struggle with these issues and I have never been able to understand those who use it as a character/personality trait for the whole world to see.

  49. Two things for me

    1. Overthinking to the point where a night out is ruined on the drive home because she needs to deconstruct something the server said.
    2. Vague communication because she is afraid of being direct.

    Both of these are exhausting

  50. Not just female but any really, when a person stops being responsible for their own mental well-being and try to put it on you or when they over-dramatize constantly and posting online for pity, omg 🤮

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