I (30M) have been in a new friendship with a woman (32F) from work. For the most part, everything has been great in our friendship until we hung out one Friday night a couple weeks ago and both had too much alcohol. I realize I acted obnoxious to her (nothing crazy imo, just making jokes) for most of the night and she was giving it back to me. We met up at work a few days later to talk about it and both agreed it was for fun and what we said while drunk shouldn’t be taken seriously.
However, ever since then the joking/teasing (on her end) has extended into our sober conversations more and while I’m glad she’s more comfortable around me, yesterday she “joked” that she didn’t consider me a friend. When she said it I rolled my eyes and didn’t laugh, but she had a smile on her face so I suppose she was joking – but I don’t consider us close enough friends or friends for long enough so it’s causing doubt.
I’m the type to overanalyze even little comments/actions and I’ve been working to make it a point to recognize the positives in our friendship (i.e. her telling me things she won’t tell anyone else at work, her listening to me/taking an interest, sometimes she does things for me, being willing to hang out, etc).
How do I confront this with her if it happens again in the future without seeming insecure?
14 comments
That is interesting, I’ve been in a similar situation. Except I am the one who thinks or doesn’t my coworkers friends. I have a 29F coworker who we talk almost daily but only at work. She’s jokingly said we’re friends but in my head I’m no we’re not
I’ve worked with people who’ve had been like friends but they’ve said we are just coworkers.
So idk what to tell you other than: 1) address it or 2) just let it be
This is not a romantic interest?
She was flirting with you my guy. Shes either dtf or not yet.
You’re a work friend.
We are still missing a lot of context. She could have send you signals that she wants you to make a move on her, she could have tried to tell you that you are being too familiar/intense with her and wants you to slow things down. Could just have been a sarkastic joke that meant the opposite.
I’d advise you to try to generally improve your social skills if this is a persistent problem. Work on your self-awareness and your empathy specifically.
There is a lot of good books out there
Sounds to me like she’s just joking, friends make digs like that all the time chief I wouldn’t overanalyse it.
I think you need to grow a bit of thick skin when it comes to messing with your friends. If she’s a sarcastic person, saying “we’re not even friends” in a joking way likely doesn’t even register on her scale of something that could be taken sideways.
Speaking from experience as someone who is extremely sarcastic and leads with humor. If it bothered you, sure tell her, but it’s likely you guys are a bit incompatible in the friendship department.
I wouldn’t want to hang out with someone I had to walk on eggshells around when it came to joking when we were hanging out
Everything you have said indicates she likes you more than a friend. Just be careful with work realtionships. I had one, and it ruined everything.
I’m getting the impression she meant she wants to be more than friends.
But that obviously hurt you so I suggest you just bring it up to to her. U r ‘friends’, right? So hurting you should hurt her and she’ll try to explain to you what she meant. Probably just a joke but an explanation will help you both know where each of you stand in the relationship, which you both seem lacking in confidence on.
Bro she’s hitting on you. I can say this with 99% certainty as I have done the same thing.
The way she said that you are not friends actually could be that she means the opposite.
I (23m)don’t know about others but I just causally hints or slightly joke like that to just simply deliver the message that we are not that close dude.
Although I donot only when I beleive that other guy knows this too ye try to act as if we are
There is a guy who is in my college. Just few days ago he came to my room and we were having some talks he was like oh you don’t have talk with anyone except me ( you can get hint of type of guy he is ) and I just causally said that I don’t even talk with you. I felt like he was just at my room for passing time yet was acting like as if we were close friends so I just simply said it to show nah dude you are not
So maybe she might just want to indirectly say it to you
But again she is not me , it could have also been a joke. So…
Easiest way to figure it out is to ask.
Next time she says something like that a playful “so we’re more than friends?” Or “so you’re just in for the booze?” Could get you the answer you want
She sounds like a work friend, nothing more. You’re not crazy for being nice and feeling like you could be more than just work buddies. She confides in you at the job like a best friend but you when the shift ends she is onto her own life. Let it be , it is what it is