Hi, so I’m asking for advice on what I should do next after a strange week with my girlfriend – either give up on the relationship and move on, or try to sort it out.
I’ve been with her about 18 months. Most of the time it’s gone well. We’ve had a couple of fights largely about nothing and made up quickly. Lately however, she’s had less time to spend time with me due to changes in our childcare arrangements (we are both separated parents), and in the time she has had free, she hasn’t bothered making the effort to come and see me as much as she could have. She doesn’t like staying me at mine during the week as she is a nervous driver and she doesn’t like new routes to her work. She’s still acted as normal though and things were generally ok, although they were more awkward recently with seeing each other less. We’ve came away on holiday for a week. On the way there she announced that she’s extended her 2.5 week holiday with her parents to 3 weeks as she wanted her parents to have her daughter for the extra 0.5 week. There is no need for her to do this, there are other easy ways she can sort the childcare. I told her I was disappointed that she was extending this long time away from me even longer without even thinking about our time together, and that I’d noticed she’d made less effort to spend time together which was making me wonder whether she was still committed to our relationship. We had a long chat and she said she realised she needed to make more effort to make sure we had quality time together. Later that night we had a silly fight about nothing, it was sorted the next day. There was then an additional little drama where she commented on a guy we met on holiday who said to us “your boyfriend is so smiley and happy, you’re a lucky girl”. She said “he doesn’t have to spend all day with you though does he”. I was bit hurt especially given everything that had happened recently and said I didn’t think it was good timing for a comment like that even if it was meant as a joke. Anyway, next couple of days go OK, today, we go to the beach, it’s like 40 degrees, she forgot to bring the sun cream I asked. I didn’t make a big deal about it but she could tell I was a bit annoyed. Then she goes quite for a while, I asked what was wrong and she said she was sad. I asked what had made her sad, and she said the holiday had been really bad and she just wanted to get through it somehow. I said I felt that was a bit much, and I hoped we could try and enjoy it rather than simply getting through it. She got angry and said I speak to her like a child (first time she’s said this), I asked how she wanted to sort this out and she said to split up.
It seems somewhat of an over reaction to me and she is very impetuous particularly if she doesn’t get her own way, although she’s never gone as far as this. She has massively freaked out before in the heat, it’s a real issue for her. We’ve avoided each other all day other than a brief discussion on how we would fly back which she initiated, and her asking if I was ok.
My instinct is just to walk away from this even though I’ve generally found this a very good relationship. There’s too many of these strange cold moments which I can live without, even if she decides she was a bit hot headed, I’m thinking just move on. However, this has been a very good relationship for the most part, and feels like we’re giving up on it quite easily here.
Tl:Dr girlfriend said she wanted to split up after a silly little argument, am after third party advice on this situation as to whether to give up on the relationship or keep trying
1 comment
The real issue here is the drama you made out of her childcare arrangements with her parents.
That would be a dealbreaker for a lot of single parents.
She’s going to prioritize the welfare of her child over spending social time with you – *as she should.* And yeah, she could have made other child care arrangements, but she made the ones that were *best for her kid.* And also good for her parents.
And maybe you’re reporting it incorrectly, but I’m struggling to see how you managed to be insulted by the comment to the guy who said you seemed happy.
There’s a lot of other stuff here, like “I didn’t make a big deal about it but she could tell I was a bit annoyed,” which, I wonder, you know, if she would describe this as you being a massive passive-aggressive pouty jerk.
So ultimately, I don’t think this is about a silly little argument. I think she’s seen enough to know that you’re not who she hoped you were. 18 months is about where the big hormonal wave starts to fade and we start to see our partners more clearly – so I think this is that she’s seeing who you are, and has decided to move on.
I suspect in some ways she viewed the trip as a chance to hit the reset button on the relationship, to see if she could find the feelings she used to have. And she didn’t. And that kind of sucks – she *wanted to* – but ultimately, she didn’t, and so she ended it.