Seeking Advice on Dealing with a Disinterested Seatmate at Work

Hello everyone,

I’m seeking some advice on how to handle a situation at my workplace. I recently joined a department in a family-owned company that prides itself on being a close-knit team. However, I’m finding it challenging to connect with my seatmate and co-worker.

Let me provide a bit of context: The team consists of the Department Director (DD), Department Secretary (DS), Department Manager (DM), myself, and one more junior member. It seems like there are close family and childhood friendships between the first three individuals, which creates a sort of clique in the small department. Being an outsider who joined the company through a job search website about five months ago, I feel unintentionally excluded.

I’m generally reserved and take some time to warm up to large groups. I have a fear of rejection, which makes me hesitant to participate in normal conversations between two people, as I worry about being told that I’m not part of the conversation. Instead, I prefer one-on-one interactions and usually get along well with seatmates.

My specific concern is with my current seatmate, DS, who identifies as an introvert and tends to give me the cold shoulder every day. DS has been a part of the team for two years. While we exchange “good mornings” and have short five-minute conversations, the office atmosphere becomes rather lifeless afterward. On the other hand, DS interacts quite differently with DD, laughing and engaging in conversations enthusiastically.

I’m hoping to find some advice on how to improve the situation with my seatmate without resorting to drastic measures that would make us both act artificially or require significant changes in our behavior and attitudes towards each other. I also believe it’s not the best idea to approach DD about this, as he seems very close to DS.

I truly appreciate any suggestions you may have. Thank you, everyone!