Some context to this story: I (19 F) grew up extremely religious and believed everything that was taught to me as a child. Things like keeping myself pure and premarital sex being wrong. As I grew up and have moved out, I no longer believe those things and my views have shifted to be completely opposite to what they were for most of my life.
That brings me to my current self. I am moved away from my parents on my own in college, and I have had the feeling for a while that I have wanted to loose my virginity. Up until this point I have only been in a couple relationships that we have not gone past 2nd base and when the opportunity would arise, I would turn it down, afraid of the eternal consequences.
But now, I am single, and have been for over a year, and I still get the feeling that I want to loose my virginity. Not because I think I’m not cool because I haven’t had sex or because I’m being pressured but because I personally feel ready. My issue arises because I still would personally like to have some sort of connection with the person that I have sex with, meaning that I don’t wanna go out on some one night stand just for the purpose of getting laid and loosing my v-card.
I have social anxiety so alot of my hopes to meet someone organically have not gone to plan and my attempts at dating apps have not been much better. If I was in a relationship I would be all for having sex but I also don’t want to start dating someone with the main reason being because I eventually wanna do them, but I dont wanna do someone with no strings attached.
I think another reason is because it would be my first time, and as much as I hate the stigma around people loosing their virginity when virginity is just a construct, I also don’t want it to be some average Joe or some task I feel I have to complete before I can feel comfortable having a sex life. I feel as if I am being unreasonable but how can I know that I am ready for sex if I also don’t want to go out and have sex?
People online have seem to say to just wait, someone eventually will come along, but I’ve waited years for the “right person” to loose it to and im honestly tired of waiting. What do I do?
3 comments
I 100 percent agree with you I always really want to lose my virginity but it’s hard finding the right person…
Most of the times the person you lose it to isn’t in your life later on !
” I don’t wanna go out on some one night stand just for the purpose of getting laid ..”
” I also don’t want to start dating someone with the main reason being because I eventually wanna do them..”
“I dont wanna do someone with no strings attached.”
“I also don’t want it to be some average Joe…”
“People online have seem to say to just wait, someone eventually will come along, but I’ve waited years for the “right person” to loose it to and im honestly tired of waiting. What do I do?”
Sounds like you still have too many caveats at this point. Maybe it might help you to write down your “perfect scenario” for losing your virginity instead of listing all the ways you *don’t* want to do so. It’s easier to achieve a goal when the focus is on *what you want to happen*.
Generally speaking, people date those whom they are physically attracted to and can imagine themselves having sex with at some point in time. They’re not dating to cultivate friendships.
Most people don’t meet their “soulmate” at age 19 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after! Odds are whomever you lose your virginity to won’t be in life forever.
The teens and early 20 years are usually a period of discovery, exploring, and learning.
Our early relationships oftentimes end up just being “practice relationships”.
We were just too young, naive, immature, and had unrealistic expectations to know it.
If you want to learn how to swim eventually you have to get in the water!
Most people you meet don’t become dates, most dates don’t become relationships, and most relationships don’t lead to marriage. As one adage goes: “Many are called but few are chosen.”
(A lot of people want change in their life *without* making a change.)
They would rather fish on dryland than head out to sea!
If you want something different, *you* have to *do* something different.
Hopefully you’ll find someone suitable to date, have a passionate make-out session whereby one thing leads to another. Just make sure you have condoms and practice safe sex.
***“Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.”***- Paulo Coelho
Best wishes!