We have been together for 5 months. We are both currently on holiday in different countries. She got drunk but still remembers what happened. An 18 year old guy asked to kiss her and she said no and told her she has a boyfriend. Later he tried to kiss her and she allowed it to happen. It happened at least 4 or 5 times and she only left after a message from her mum to come back to their room.
The next day she called me in tears and apologised saying she felt sick with guilt after and hates herself. I still love her and i really don’t want to break up with her but i don’t know what to do and her phone has been taken for the next week so i can’t talk to her anymore about it. I’m struggling to eat and panicking a lot and any advice or support is appreciated.
tl;dr: my girlfriend kissed another guy what should i do?
49 comments
She kissed him because she wanted to. It’ll happen again.
How do you feel about what happened?
There’s no right or wrong answer to that question, but whatever you do next should depend on however you feel, and what you want to occur.
How sure are you that it was only a kiss? That would be my second thought after my first being, “You did what?”
Sorry, dude. All I can say is take some time. Process and then make your decision. You’re both very young. Life happens.
Red flag bro. Get out of there cuz she will 100% do it again
Guys i’m trying so hard to see the positives here. Do you think the fact she told me straight away even though she didn’t have to means anything?
You are 18. You will love and fuck again. Go out with the bros.
The worst thing I did when I was your age was waste my time with a girl that did not want me. It is going to hurt you but move on. There is somebody out there for you and it is not her.
Lol I bet more than just a kiss happened.
18 and in love is a hoax. Move on Boss man, worry about the long game when you hit 25.
maybe take a break from the relationship. 5 months is fairly new. she’s away abroad with no phone and you have no choice but to sit in anxiety. hang out with friends and tend to yourself. given the opportunity, let her know that her mistake has hurt you and you want distance.
Been on both sides of this when younger. It will hurt now but I say move on. Only 5 months in and you’re too young. Plenty of fish in the sea. Her even accidentally letting it happen is her gut telling her she wants to leave. I’m sorry but it will hurt worse if you stay together longer. She may change but again you’re so young you shouldn’t wait on it.
Alot of people will tell you to leave and technically they’re right. But do remember she came clean to you and didn’t hide it. You’re only 5 months in a relationship and you’re just 18. Alot of your emotions are still under developed and almost all of you are still confused. Think about what this relationship means to you, she is sick with guilt and you breaking up with her might make you feel better (might) but it’ll rip her apart. Get her to convince you that she won’t do it again. I think you can still make it work, but I can’t tell you for how long. You can give her a chance and you both can come out stronger, but if you want to risk it happening again then prep yourself to leave. There is a saying afterall, ‘a cheater will always be a cheater’ but remember , she fessed up to you when she could very well have hidden it.
Alcohol is a terrible substance, it loses your inhibitions and lets your instincts kick in without a second thought. You can be entirely loyal to your partner but if you’re horny af and you consume alcohol, you’re going to slip up sooner or later.
Tl;dr she admitted it to you when She didn’t have to. She’s not a lost cause. You just gotta deal with your emotional damage.
100% not worth it. I get the feeling of being in love and that young. I first told a girl I loved her at 18 but she ended up doing some questionable things. We dated for a bit over a year and breaking up was the best thing that ever happened to me. You will love again, we broke up right after I turned 19 and it was gut wrenching, frustrating and depressing. Within about a year I met an amazing girl who I’m with to this day, I am 21 now.
You’ll always be wondering with her whether she’ll cheat again, and you need to understand that you deserve someone who won’t make you question their loyalty. If she can cheat what else can she be unfaithful about. She disrespected you and you shouldn’t take that disrespect. There are so many fish in the sea, don’t waste your time on one that doesn’t want you when there are millions of girls that won’t disrespect you like that.
Hook up with her bff that ought to sort things out and help you move on bro. Gf does not understand the whole monogamy thing and is playing a game so you too should play a game. Or do nothing and stay with her who cares see if she does it again set her up !!
You’re young. I’m not going to say she doesn’t care about you, she does since she told you, but , remember. She made the choice to get drunk, sure she told the guy at 1st. But she gave in multiple times. She only left because her mom contacted her. She didn’t leave because she wanted to.
I know what it’s like to get cheated on. I have ex girlfriends. I have ex girlfriends that cheated. I got married to my wife in 2019, of course my ex gfs that cheated, they came running back. I didn’t care what they had to say because they weren’t honest. How can I believe what they say when they broke my trust.
If she really cared about the relationship you both had, she would have said no . Repeatedly. Or left. Or contacting you that there’s a guy who won’t go away.
I agree with the others. Hang out with your friends. Do something fun like play sports with them or whatever you all like to do together. But be true to yourself. Yes she came clean. But, you weren’t there to know exactly everything that happened. There’s that possibility more happened that you didn’t know about.
I’m sorry my comment will have you feeling down. But you’re young. You will find that special someone who makes you feel important, special, and a winner.
My wife has me feeling that way. Sure we argue and disagree. But I love her knowing she’s honest with me and cares about me. Cares about my family and friends.
You will find that other half of you. You will hurt. You will feel like it’s over. But it’s like riding a bike. You fall, get back on it and keep going. 👍
This will be so chump to you in a few years. Dump her trust me, or it will turn out worse and she will think she can treat the next guy as such. Don’t be an enabler
Nah, whatever, no big deal. She was drunk, too. Just keep going with her, give her a pass on this one, next time anything remotely close to this happens again, break up.
I have to say as an 18 year old I did stupid stuff which I regretted.
I did dumb stuff and luckily my bf at the time forgave me .
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it’s up to you kiddo
Take it from someone in his mid 20s that thought I was madly in love at 18 too.
When you’re really in love you’ll look back at this and cringe.
Love isn’t that butterflies feeling you get for the first few months with someone. That’s excitement and lust. They’re fun, but that’s not love. Love is when you feel someone else’s pains, joys, triumphs, and failures as your own. And you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they’re the same way about you. Love is wanting to put in the work on every thorny way you don’t fit exactly together because the big picture process of merging your lives is so worth it. Love is when you couldn’t imagine them fooling around with someone else because you know you could never hurt them like that- and you two feel the same about each other.
You’ll move past this. You’ll mature, have far more experiences with dating and attraction, and when you’re truly in love you’ll look back at this as a cringy learning experience. Don’t let yourself get tied down to someone who plays with your heart.
She’s clearly not ready for a serious relationship
Don’t embarrass yourself and let her go . Why do you want a girl you can’t trust .
You are on a lads holiday just now? It shouldn’t be too hard to even things up then see how you feel.
As others have said you are both 18. Not really much point stressing. She could have lied to you but didn’t. At that age I would have just taken it as agreed that turn about was fair play and dropped the relationship back to FWB but not exclusive.
Wasn’t meant to be, she’s not a liar, be friends
Just offering another perspective, I was an 18 yo girl once who got kissed by guys she didn’t wanna kiss soooo many times. These guys took advantage of the fact that I had was drunk and too nice and low self esteem and couldn’t tell them to fuck off. I’m not saying it’s the same thing as rape but it’s a component of rape culture, it’s like a spectrum, if that’s indeed what happened to your gf 🙁
Man frfr leave her and go out with friends if she’s already doing it within 5 months I promise she’ll do it again. It happened to after 2 years so I know how it works please don’t get your heart broken like mine did
How old did you say you were?
The comments on here are really wild given what information you do have about the incident. Your girlfriend was drunk, told a boy no, and then he “tried to kiss her” (which does not imply he asked, but just went for it). It’s possible she wanted to kiss him and did and is telling this version because she now feels bad – but why even lie about it to you if she wanted to kiss him/did kiss him herself as opposed to just NOT telling you if she’s such a liar?
Women get pressured into unwanted advances every day – when you’re drunk and 18 you have even less defenses/awareness of how to get out of that situation. A good-faith interpretation of this is that a stranger was hounding her all night while she was drunk, she tried to turn him down and said she had a boyfriend, and guy kept hounding her anyway. Eventually she “let it happen” because of having a freeze/fawn reaction + being drunk, not because she was trying to cheat on you.
Sounds like this guy wore her down, took advantage of the fact that she was drunk, and violated her stated boundaries and she didn’t know what to do.
Maybe she did happily make out with some rando and is spinning this story, but this reads WAY more like something that she did not want to happen and did not know how to handle. Unless your GF has a history of doing things like this/is generally untrustworthy/has lied about serious things before, I think you should try and talk to her when she gets her phone back to at least get a better understanding of what happened.
Just break up, you’re 18, worry about what to do with your life post grad, relationships can wait
Bruh…..
She kissed a guy several times and now she got her phone taken away?
Uh huh.
she cheated on you , even if drunk you said she let it happen multiple times only until her mom told her to leave , gonna have to bite the bullet and leave her , you’ll heal in time
Break up with her, shes a thottie. If she could
Do it in that state she could do it any other time aswell, it’s only been 5 months might aswell dodge the bullet now.
Brother man time to move on. You have other things to worry about
What her phone is taken away from her? Who took her phone away? Sounds to me she don’t want you calling her and she be giving explanation of what she’s doing who she with why didn’t you answer I called you 10 times and no answer I txt you 100 times last night to say good night and you couldn’t reply once.
How drunk was she? She repeatedly told the guy “No, I have a boyfriend” and he kissed her anyway. That’s sexual assault. It might not have been safe for her to stop him.
Don’t waste your time. life is like trying to pick up sand with your fingers.. and once you hit 25 time seems to go by only faster.. Follow your body , and your gut. I will say it again. Do not waste your TIME. You are 18. Experience the good that is out there. Do not settle for anyone or anything that crosses a boundary – like someone stated above. Maybe do a fwb. 🤷🏻♀️. I say leave her.
Bro she was drunk and pressured by someone else, letting it happen was probably just lightly wording the guys aggressive behaviors. She even came clean and clarified she didn’t want it.
Just give her a pass on this, you have to pick your damn battles and not force a win out of everything in life or youll be in a world of resentment. This isn’t as serious as an initiation on her end to be unfaithful and cheat. This would be entirely different if she was not drunk and still let the guy get away with all that.
Under normal circumstances, considering how you feel about thus girl and that she apologized.. showing regret, I would advise talking about it when you can, continuing on with the relationship to see whether it affects either of you more mentally in the long run, and you said it happened while she was drunk? Most people are pretty quick to cut losses and run, but maybe give it some more consideration, especially since alcohol *does* inhibit otherwise clear-minded individuals. Yeah you guys are both really young, pretty much babies, but plenty of people retain very long relationships at even earlier ages.
Again, under normal circumstances, this would be my advice, but you said it happened four/five other times? Contemplate *that* and see whether it outweighs your feelings for her, then make your decision from there.
This is rough, man, I’m sorry you have to struggle with this.
Dude. I was there. Exact situation. Alcohol doesn’t excuse decision making. If she respected you and the relationship she wouldn’t have put herself in a shifty situation. Drop and leave.
If you really love her then forgive her. She kissed somebody, big deal. If you are together long enough you will both want to explore other people.
Homie I feel you! Every single man AND woman has grown up through those feelings. You are going to make it through this! I saw someone else say it and I’ll echo it, you’ll look back on this one day and cringe. Bro you have your whole life ahead of you ❤️ there is a difference between real, deep, devotional love… and comfort, security and attraction. You have super strong feelings for her, but love is on a whole other level you haven’t experienced yet. Echoing what another person said above… go out, crush some beers with the boys, and move on. My heart goes out to you, having a beer for you tonight!
The most important aspect of this is that she was honest. During my first relationship age 16-20 I found out about a couple of lies through either snooping through the phone or someone telling me. It was very much a hard relationship to let go of but had he been honest about it instead of me finding out I think the relationship could have lasted forever.
Being drunk isn’t an excuse for cheating bro.
Remember the story came from her so of course it probably paints her in the best light possible
Buddy. Just have fun and bang her as much as you can. You’re not gonna be with that girl forever. She’s definitely fucking other dudes
Look- you are 18. This is the time when it is important to date a lot and make mistakes. That is how you learn.
Your gf truly did not handle this well. But don’t think for a second that if you were just “insert stupid love logic here” that she would have loved you enough not to be an idiot. Hopefully she learns how much is too much for her to drink, and how to handle these types of situations.
At the same time- this dude pulled a classic. “I have a boyfriend” doesn’t mean “no” when you are on vacation in places like this. And I’m sure he noticed she was attracted (can’t blame her for that part) and waited until she got totally bombed so she would be less inclined to say no. I wonder if she felt like if she had said no- would he have backed off? Did she feel that going along with it was the better option?
Whatever you do- none of this is on you. Your gf probably loves you- she’s either an inexperienced idiot who doesn’t know how to handle her shit or too immature to be in a relationship
Adios my g – vanquish yourself from her presence. As a guy who gave her a second chance, she just takes it as an excuse to do it again
“It happened because I was drunk” is just a lame excuse to cheat. Some woman love attention from Chads. Let someone else deal with her gaslighting. Hangout with your friends and find someone more responsible.
You’re definitely still young and there’s still a lot of things out there for you to experience.
BUT
It IS normal to feel like that and it’s okay to be going through all these feelings (i know because i’m going through one right now)
No one can tell you what to do so take whatever advice you get from people around you (especially here on reddit) as a grain of salt.
It’s actually better to let yourself feel these emotions and take your time to feel angry, sad, betrayed and to grieve of what your relationship was and how it could have been.
It’s good that she called you right away and confessed. It’s good that she’s showing signs of remorse. These are positive signs that there’s still a chance you both can make things work.
But you need to ask yourself if you can heal and forgive what she’s done and if you’re also willing to put the effort in the relationship (this might mean going couple counselling or even just making sure you’re not entering a toxic mindset where you are holding this against her every time she messes up)
And you also need to have a sit down with her to find out what she needs to do to ensure this doesnt happen again and why exactly she did it. (Theres a high chance theres some deep rooted issue that needs to be addressed)
And if shes willing to put effort and make changes for your relationship to work.
Let me know how it goes and for now, just focus on yourself and your wellbeing. It’s okay to grieve and really feel your sadness. It actually helps you heal better and faster. It also means that you genuinely love her to be going through these emotions. Good luck and know that you’re not alone in this.
Just get through the day, one hour at a time and be kind to yourself.
I’m going to offer up some contrary advice here. The fact that she told you about it suggests that maybe she really did mess up and knows it and wanted to be transparent with you. She could have also not told you, but she chose to tell you. That gives me the sense that there’s hope for her to change. She realized something went wrong and tried to communicate up front about it. I’m not saying that this is OK at all, and you are well within your rights to walk away, but some people truly do realize who they DON’T want to be by making a bad mistake and realizing that’s not what they want to be. I know it’s a common narrative that ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ but I’ve heard stories of people that changed after messing up and realizing truths about themselves and how they felt about their significant others after. It’s also a kiss, not sex.
That’s not to invalidate your feelings. I’d feel sick and upset about it too. But I still think the fact that she told you about it and wanted to come clean suggests some hope for her to be a better human. For sure, if you do let her back into your life don’t take her back if it happens again. But I think, if you wanted to give her one more chance (and clarify with her upfront that you will not give a second chance) that’s also an option. Whatever you do, be kind to yourself – it sucks this happened to you. Good luck whatever you decide.
Dude leave her! You are young and you will find a girl who will truly love and respect you. Don’t fall into depression because of her.
Go out with your friends, take part in collective activities, meet new people… Don’t destroy your mental and physical health for this girl.
Stay strong man.